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JohnnyFrog

The Pk'er

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Don't know if this belongs here... please move it if there is a more fitting location

 

The Pk’er

 

You talk of honour

little one

What know you of honour?

Was honour in your heart

when you struck down

an angel as we

sparred?

 

To you, honour is a word.

A mask.

A sham.

A facade to hide behind.

A word that echoes and rattles inside you.

For you are empty.

A husk.

Vacant.

 

You are a buyer of dead legends.

You dream of inhabiting the

deeds of others

but they are of a stature

that you can never fill.

 

You will read this

and swear revenge,

You will rattle your sabre

and hunt me.

You will slay me

again and

again...

But all for naught, for I

will return, time and again.

Relentless.

 

It is a long walk out of Hell

But it is a path I tread

gladly

for this chance to expose you

before your peers

 

And each time you kill me

these words will resound within you...

You cannot beat me.

I am above you.

I am beyond you,

and ever will be.

You cannot kill my words.

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both of your poems are quite good, but i think they'd fit better in the "Story and Ideas" section of the forum ;)

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Thanks for the comments...

 

I'll put any future mutterings in "Story and I deas" as requested... Could a mod please move both of the threads over there if that is the right home for this type of stuff. Thankyou.

 

I saw some other poetry in RolePlay so this is where it ended up...sorry

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This poem is good too. Not as brilliant technically as the other one, but the thematic and emotional imagery is much stronger. Only one thing seemed a little off. I would recommend changing

 

when you struck down

an angel as we

sparred?

to

when you struck down

an angel

as we sparred?

or maybe even

when you struck down

an angel

as we

sparred?

 

The reason for this is I feel that you would want to highlight the innocence and purity of the angel as a counterpoint to the PKer. To do that, you should emphasise the importance of "an angel", and that works better as a separate line instead of buried in the middle of a phrase. If you want to keep the emphasis on "sparred", then probably the third version is better (I think so too), but if you have no special preference, then the second version is fine.

 

It's still a good poem nevertheless.

 

-Lyn-

Edited by Lyanna

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Thanks for the comments to both poems...

 

I'm gonna square with you.. I'm not a poet, I don't read much poetry and I haven't written any poetry since school... and then I was forced to :hehe:

 

In both poems I didn't really stop to think about it... they just sort of came out that way... so if they're a bit cluncky in places I'm not surprised... I don't really know what I'm doing.

 

So, with that noted if you liked them, I'll do some more...please criticise as much as you like...best way to learn.

 

I take on board your suggestion about "an angel" being on a line on its own... I'd probably take your first suggestion...scans better like that.

 

Thanks again

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It's not meant to describe all pk'ers

 

It's called 'The PK'er' rather than 'The PK'ers'

 

So it's aimed at one person in particular rather than a group of people...

 

I have no particular problem with there being predators in EL... as long as they are open and honest about their nature

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I found it obvious he had somebody specific in mind.

I am no expert of poetry, but I found it very good. Maybe you should take it up as a hobby :devlish:

I found it to have good rhythm and your thoughts and feelings were clear without being cluttered with too many words.

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A hobby?????

 

Between work, kids and EL you think I have time for hobbies?????!!!!! I barely get any sleep as it is...

 

Seriously though... thanks for the comments, glad you liked the poems

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Too LOng to read this all....uff but ghood ideas for Pkers-

JOhny i think you are small GEnius :omg:

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