First Day In The World

[Beorn]

My first day in the magical world of Eternal Lands is as clear as yesterday to me. I awoke in a dazed sate next to a ghastly looking creature. He was luminescent with a somewhat blueish tint. I had no idea as to how I arrived in this place. Walking seemed impossible to me right now. My legs felt terribly week and I was physically exhausted. As I looked around, it seemed there was not one person who could help me.

 

“Hello, I am the Wraith!” said the eerie creature. “How can I help you?”

 

“W-what do you mean?” I replied in a small almost silent voice.

 

“As you increase your skill you may come to me to advance your attributes, nexuses, etc. You can also gain magical perks.” said he in a bellowing voice.

 

I looked at him in an inquisitive manner, unsure of what he meant by this. Slowly I stood and took a look at my surroundings. “What is this place and how did I get here?” I asked the creature, trying to avoid eye contact.

 

“This land is called Isla Prima. It is part of the major continent, Seridia. I do not know the way from which you came.” he said in the same monotone. “You may want to explore the island a bit and come back if you need help.”

 

I said nothing in return and wandered away from the creature. The isle seemed to contain animals and some small magical creatures. They called themselves brownies and wood sprites. I was tempted to fight one until an elf came along. He was pretty tall, then again everything is tall compared to a gnome like myself. The elf had red hair and he wore a purple cloak with an overused pickaxe in his hand.

 

“I wouldn't do that.” the elf said. “You should train a bit before you try any of those. They call me Aki. What do you go by?”

 

“What do I go by? Oh, do you mean my name? My name is Beorn.”

 

“Judging by your appearance, you're not from around here are you Mr. Beorn? You seem to be from one of the bigger cities, like the ones on the other continent.”

 

“To tell you the truth I can not even recall where I am from.”

 

“Wow, you're kidding me.”

 

“I-I assure you I am not.” said I with a bit of a stutter. “I awoke next to a ghastly creature who called himself the Wraith.”

 

“Hmm, we should probably go see the magic store owner in Nordcarn. She has helped many before who have had the same memory problems including myself. Let's head to the docks and take the boat to White Stone and another to Desert Pines. Then we'll take another boat to Valley of the Dwarves and make our way down to Nordcarn.”

 

“Ok, what ever you would like to do.” I replied as he led me to the docks.

 

Once we boarded the ship to the land of White Stone he began telling me tales of the land and stories of his family. I was amazed at the history the land contains. He was quite a knowledgeable man and knew much about the land. There were many gathered around listening to his stories on the small boat. There was a wide variety of races aboard the boat from humans and elves to draegoni and orchans. After a long while on the rough seas we arrived at the docks in White Stone.

 

This place was very different compared to the land from which I came. It was more vast and undiscovered. There were people gathered around a merchant who called himself Trik he bought all sorts of items. Particularly the ones made by the manufacturers of the land. He seemed to be a useful man. We waited in line for a big ship which was to bring us to the land of Desert Pines. A woman approached us humming a melody of a familiar song.

 

“Hello.” she said in a sweet voice. “Would you care to purchase a few healing potions, you may need them if you plan to stay here long.”

 

“Eh, I don't believe I have any money.” I said patting my pockets. “I don't think we need them anyway we're about to leave.”

 

“You better hope the ship sails soon. The gargoyles roam in the night here and it is getting near time for the sun to set.”

 

“G-gargoyles?” I croaked.

 

“Don't worry.” Aki said. "We'll be out of here in no time."

 

The woman continued down the line offering potions to anyone who would pay attention. We eventually boarded the ship before sundown. I was very thankful for this. We walked to the edge of the boat and watched the land slowly disappear as we ventured further away.

 

“Attention!” a man shouted from the top of the boat. “We will have to turn back! I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience, but there is terrible weather ahead!”

 

My stomach sank when I heard this. We have to go back to the land where the gargoyles roam. “What are we going to do?!” I asked Aki with a look of horror on my face.

 

“We'll have to go across White Stone to get to Nordcarn. No big deal.” he said with a simple shrug.

 

We turned back as it started to rain, by the time we arrived at the docks I was soaked. Trying not to lose Aki, I hurried down the ramp onto the docks. There were no gargoyles insight. Perhaps she had been making it all up.

 

Aki turned to me then said “Stay close until we get to the elven village of Tirnwood Vale. Once we get there we can stay for a while until the gargoyles pass through and we can be on our way.”

 

I replied with a nod and followed Aki off the docks into the wilderness. I stayed as close as possible because I did not want to be singled out by the gargoyles. We passed through Lakeside Village watching everybody scurry to their houses. Down the road I spotted one!

 

“Look out!” I yelled.

 

“Shh.” Aki said. “Don't draw attention.” He pulled something from his pocket. “I am going to combine these essences and create a harm spell to cast on the monster to kill it. We must be very quiet and walk as quietly as we can.”

 

We progressed towards the monster so Aki could get within range to cast the spell. He stopped me with a simple hand gesture and took a few more steps. He combined the essences and cast the spell on the monster. The monster took a few steps then dropped.

 

“We must go now!” Aki said. “Where there is one there is bound to be more!”

 

We ran through what was left of the village into dark forest. There were strange noises all around us as we continued to run. Suddenly, Aki stopped running.

 

“Pay attention to the trees.” he said and began walking around looking at them. “Some of them may have doors, those are elven homes.”

 

I walked behind him also looking at the trees and I found one with a door. “I found one.” I said to him and we quickly entered. “No one is here. I think we should leave.” I said nervously.

 

“No, we don't need to leave. These are my kin, I am sure they will understand if we stay here a while. Here, have some water-” Suddenly he grew quiet.

 

“What is it?”

 

“The gargoyles, they are passing through. Be quiet until they move on.”

 

Aki walked over to the table to sit down and I followed. I sat and listened to the noises of the gargoyles. The frightening snarls and the grotesque growls. Off in the distance I heard a faint scream. “W-was that scream from a person?” I asked trembling. Aki only nodded.

 

The gargoyles passed and we were quickly on our way. I could not help but think about the scream of that other person. Perhaps we were even in that person's house. Aki and I made our way out of Tirnwood Vale and progressed on towards the entrance to Nordcarn. It seemed like we had been walking forever. I was growing tired and hungry. “Do you have anything to eat?”

 

“Yes.” Aki said handing me a fruit. With a smile he said, “We made it, we're here.”

 

I looked up to see the great walls surrounding the city of Nordcarn towering overhead. It was an amazing site. Aki begin to run into the village and I followed behind. We came upon the magic shop and knocked on the door. An elderly woman's voice called me in by name. I walked in alone to see the dwarven woman behind the counter.

 

“I have been expecting you.” she said. “I am Atekel. I already know your name so there is no need for you to introduce yourself.”

 

“I'm here for-”

 

“I already know what you are here for also.” said Atekel with a know-it-all tone. “You are here to hear about your past. Have a seat and I will explain it to you.”

 

She began to explain things and it slowly came back to me. I remember who I was, where I was from, and how I got here. I found out all I needed to know to continue my life into the world of Eternal Lands.

Edited February 12, 2007 by Beorn

[Acelon]

I like the writing style. Your spacing definetly makes it easier to read.

[Sistema]

Very nice, I enjoyed reading it! Nice work

 

 

“Don't worry.” Aki said. We'll be out of here in no time.

Missing quotation marks in the second sentence.

An elderly womans voice called me in by name.

womans should have an apostrophe.

 

 

Those the only mistakes I found while reading.

And yes, leaving spaces between makes it a lot better.

 

 

- Sistema

Edited February 12, 2007 by sisteMa`

[Roja]

It's a nice little story.

Just a few things that were kind of out of place like:

 

castle in Nordcarn

There's no castle in Nordcarn

 

And Aki wouldn't find it weird that you don't remember your past, because he didn't/doesn't remember his either..all Eternals start out the same.

[Beorn]

I took Nordcarn as a big castle because the walls and structures. Aki had been around longer than me and was helping me.

 

**EDIT**

Fixed the things out of place.

Edited February 12, 2007 by Beorn

[PhilDaBurn]

Beorn,

 

Very nice story. It's easy to get caught up in the chronology of it - it flows very naturally.

 

You've got some punctuation issues that are easy to fix and some verb tense agreement to straighten out that will polish up your story very nicely.

 

I enjoyed reading your story - I got caught up in the tense emotions.

 

Thanks,

 

PhilDaBurn