Troll, troublemaker and general thorn in the arse of EL moderation.
Oh Don Susje del Falso was a twat.
Who in his parents basement sat.
And tried to write an electronic letter
Where the reading light was better,
Twas a spam mail from Don Falso!
“Buy my gc” spammed the twat,
I'm so honest, nice and fat.
There is not a sweeter deal,
It's really quite an awesome steal
I take bitcoin said Don Falso
Don Falso rubbed his hands in glee
And counted bitcoins on his knee
Until a punter in a flap
Fell into his crafty trap
“Ay Caramba! ” cried Don Falso.
And then the Modsquad hurried round
To mystify, amaze, and to astound
And to stop the little scammer,
When they hit him with their big banhammer
Oh they busted poor Don Falso.
So they locked him in the mod room bare
And then shaved off all his pubic hair
Oh he was even far less merry,
When Burn tried to pop his cherry,
Almost the the ending of Don Falso
But soon Radu became aware,
That Don Falso had a talent rare
Oh a very special talent
Though it wasn't very gallant
Run the EL shop, Don Falso!
Once upon a time in Lands Eternal
there lived a creature so infernal
its deeds too foul and numerous to rank
to which its reputation sank
with scant regard to all opinion
of those who ruled that small dominion
till those in charge were so appalled
a meeting of the land was called
dutifully did the people gather
to let the usual gobshites blather
and exercise their ego's fragile
upon the minds of those less agile
until the icy queen that ruled the land
controlling all with iron hand
gazed from aloft her ivory tower
down upon the feckless shower
and when her patience finally gave
she muted all with just one wave
and then as hard as she was able
banged her banstick on the table
then sitting on her padded throne
commanded all in husky tone
I hereby declare the creature banned
from everywhere throughout the land
so quickly were the borders closed
that no one really had supposed
that all it took was just one chink
about which none had caused to think
and so the creature gained an entry
sneaking past the guard and sentry
pursuing all with sharpened claws
to fit within its crooked jaws
bit by bit the tension grew
the good folk knew not what to do
until at last a message sour
was sent unto the ivory tower
the queen put on her best pink armour
with thought of quelling all the drama
and placed her banstick in her holster
in hope to everyone's confidence bolster
then clanking in her pink iron suit
she waddled off to track the brute
following the smell of ego's rotted
until his lair was duly spotted
but alas the queen soon learned
the hideous beast was unconcerned
yawning as he slowly woke
and then to her he gently spoke
actually you look like cute
posing in your pink iron suit
and then he added with a snigger
even though it makes your ass look bigger
the icy queen flushed brightly red
and raised her banstick to his head
then realising with a frown
alas the batteries had run down
and finding that the door had locked
realised her escape was blocked
and cursing at her lack of wit
silently exclaimed 'oh sh*t'!
the creature continued 'little girl'
why not give us one last twirl
then just remove your pretty armour
so to avoid unsightly drama
so with her options looking moot
she stripped down to her birthday suit
but hardly even dared to peek
not having shaved in near 6 week
and remembering with some contrition
appts missed with her beautician
not to mention gross distortions
added to her ample portions
but as she stood there in the buff
the creature said he'd seen enough
and without wishing to be lairy
she was in fact a bit too hairy
at least too much for his rare taste
so alas for lunch she'd go to waste
but if she'd shave that undercarriage
he'd gladly take her hand in marriage
and maybe later on the quiet
perhaps she'd think about a diet
as no lady should deserve
a backside with such ample curve
and so the pair were married duly
promising to always love each truly
unto her he troved his plight
if she wore her armour nice 'n tight
so even after they were wed
she wore her armour in the bed
but iron plate was not enough
to stop her ending 'up the duff'
for although the queen looked quite fantastic
in her metal prophylactic
the creature was quite skilled at mating
through the gaps in armour plating
but when the child finally hatched
its habits with its father matched
so alas the people poor
got even less peace than before
and so the point of all this rhyme
to those who didn't take the time
and bother reading all the verse
thinking that it was perverse
its simply written for the pleasure
and pointing out in equal measure
the sometimes inconvenient fact
that often opposites can in fact attract
Ballad of the baddo (based on a true story)
The guild sent forth a raiding party.
a band of noobs all hale and hearty,
from Seridia to Idoloran,
to hunt the mighty badoran.
On landing on c2 at night,
afraid of Lenny's vicious bite,
broke out the disengagement rings,
and bows and bolts and swords and things.
And venturing into the shadow,
looking for the lurking baddo,
hours passed while ego's shrunk,
on finding just one lonely skunk.
Then suddenly up piped one brave fighter,
yelled 'i've just found the little blighter',
and so coverged the excited crew,
not really sure what next to do.
But when they gathered around the creature,
common sense did hardly feature,
when one bright spark with arrow alas,
shot the baddo in the ass.
Then having got the brute's attention,
learned the hard way his pretension,
when swallowed in a single bite,
without hardly giving any fight.
The erstwhile comrade's bag was found,
deposited upon the ground,
the helm belonging to the fool
all covered in the baddo's stool.
Then another hero from the hoard,
attacked the baddo with a sword,
the error only to compound,
his death bag ending on the ground.
The remaining warriors bitched and whined,
and tried their strategy to refine,
to come up with a cunning plan,
to kill that erksome badoran.
So hiding behind a graveyard fence,
the remaining few with common sense,
full of hope and some persistance,
ranged the creature from a distance
But after many arrows wasted,
and victory remained untasted,
decided to abort the hunt,
and try a more appealling stunt
So given that their plan unravelled,
back to Killeran Field they travelled,
taking all their bows and arrows,
the pk weenies to shoot and harrow.
But all the young ones were in bed,
and Killeran Field quite nearly dead,
save one old pro half afk,
farming trolls that came his way
So taking matters at their leisure,
they shot him simply for good measure,
and lolled when at last he finally fell,
his cheating ass hauled off to hell.
And finally to this tales conclusion,
just in case there's some illusion,
that chasing baddo is worth the time
or wasting arrows ain't a crime.
In truth your time is better spent,
in things that don't get armor bent,
or expensive crossbows lost or broken
just to get an instance token.
Or whatever baddo's finally yield,
when lying dead upon the field.
So noobs beware and heed this rhyme.
Just stay home and save your time.
Some Good Shit (A poem written about an ancient but typical EL dispute)
I never quite believed, what other players said,
that poor little Caliphear, was right off her head.
So I'll tell you this story, each word of it's true,
just in the event, it should happen to you.
Inferno logged on, with his puter one night,
he looked at his screen, and had quite a fright.
For his guild was deleted, and the members referred,
to a completely new guild, where they'd all been transferred.
The guild store was empty, as alas caliphear,
had stolen the lot, and then disappeared.
He tactfully pm'ed her,and asked "wtf",
for turning his guild, into such a dead duck.
She pm'ed him back, your guild was a fag,
I was also fed up, with all the red tags.
I've found someone else, and i'll give you a clue,
he talks to me dirty, so much better than you.
He's a little bit older, and not such a child,
but his penchant for flaming, is equally wild.
But more to the point, at least he can boast,
that he doesn't get pwned, each time that he posts.
Inferno was shocked, and responded with blame,
"This man is your lover"? now tell me his name ?
She tried to stay calm, but her voice filled with fear,
then she feebly offered, Its Kraken my dear!
Then he took a deep breath, said "don't hit the roof",
but it seems like a good time, for telling the truth.
I'm going to Frisco, to meet up with Zaer,
we're both getting tattoo's, of something bizarre.
We're buying a trailer, and finding a park,
so we can play EL, alone in the dark.
So don't be surprised, that i'm hardly dismayed,
coz the fact of the matter, is I'm really quite gay.
And I'll give you some warning, so you don't get distressed,
the next time you see me, I'll be wearing a dress.
It's easier to lift up, next time that we pass,
to show you the tattoo, right here on my ass.
Its a picture of you, as an ugly old witch,
with words underneath saying, "Don't trust this bitch !"
Don't believe what she says, and don't take her word,
coz most of the stuff, is completely absurd.
So closing this ode, the moral distilled,
is don't let a poontank, in sight of your guild.
if she's got you on ignore, Well then you're in luck,
No need to point out, you don't give a fuck.
Ode to Poor Fancy (in memory of Chris Collard)
Fancy and Ateh were haters.
Lordy they'd hate all the day.
Fancy called Ateh a fail.
Ateh called Fancy a gai.
But Fancy bit off a little bit more.
Than maybe he ought to have done.
When he mistook his cock for a popsicle.
And sucked it until it was gone.
And ending up totally dickless
he managed to compound his fail
By stumblin over themuntdregger
And stepping right on to its tail
Alas for poor Fancy the creature
Hadn't eaten its dinner that day
And wasn't inclined to be choosy
If its victim was straight or quite gai
Then mistaking the cold blooded killer
For something that might be impressed
Poor Fancy waved the stump of his cock
From beneath the frills of his dress
themuntdregger eyed up its victim
Grinned and bared all its fangs
Then pounced on the erstwhile dumbass
and its jaws snapped shut with a bang
The blood spatter covered the forum
As the dumbass was crushed to a pulp
To the cheers of everyone lolling
As poor Fancy went down in one gulp
There wasn't much corpse to be buried
When they'd finished digging the grave
Themuntdregger was asked to the funeral
And politely asked to behave
But being a diabolical monster
Not exactly known for its charm
He launched an attack on the widow
And tried to bite off her arm
Then he squatted over the graveside
and strained until he'd released
the shit stained remains of a petticoat
Last worn by the deceased.
The grieving widow was dumbstruck
Mouth open in complete disbelief
Then she pointed her finger and shouted
Give me the rest you big thief
Themuntdregger was stung with indignance
and his displeasure was clearly displayed
When he raised up his ass from the graveside
And let forth a huge cannonade
The air was rent with a thunder
And shit stained pieces of cloth
rained on the impertinent widow
as she blown away like a moth
Her corpse was found in a field
with her knickers still draped on the hedge
Revealing to all and to sundry
That she was sporting a 'meat and two veg'
For what ateh had always suspected
Turned out to actually pass
That Fancy was gai as a troop of girl guides
And liked taking it right up the ass
So if you're alone in the forum
and go where the grave is still marked
you might just hear the ghost of poor Fancy
still fapping away in the dark