Mercie Report post Posted June 24, 2008 Hi, this is the first story I have written based on EL, it is incomplete, and is still a draft, so please don't be too harsh It also features a good friend of mine, Enly. Well, here it is, the first few chapters of my story. Enjoy. [size="5"]The Mystery of Tirnym Prologue The Mysterious Traveler[/size] Mercie was a young elf around thirteen years old that had been born and raised in the grand city of Aeth Sylvath. She was the kind of person who would love to examine everything of interest to her she might see. Mercie lived with her aunt since her parents were great explorers that were recognized by every region of both Seridia and Irilion. Since she rarely saw her parents, her aunt, a very intelligent elf like herself, replaced her mother and father as a motherly figure. She was a very bright person who a deep fancy for the art of magic. Her knowledge was extensive in magic and she was very gifted and recognized as one of the best mages of Aeth Aelfan despite her young age. Even with all of her knowledge she had not been contempt to spend her life within the city to heal, no, she wanted to travel and see all of the sites the world of Draia could offer her. She was especially interested in seeing the great ruins of Tirnym, the ancient home of elves in Seridia. She had studied many books on the subject and she was determined, if not obsessed with one day discovering its secrets and bringing them into the open. One day as Mercie was walking along the Aelfan Route, she noticed a draegoni with an electric blue shade of hair, who was telling a group of excited looking elves about her travels all over the world, captivated, she stopped to listen. She learned that this Draegoni was named Enly, and she had come from the icy regions of Iscalrith, though she had left when she was a teenager because she had felt that she didn't fit in with her people, and how she now spent her life traveling all over the world. She told stories of amazing feats she had done and witnessed and Mercie stayed to the side drinking it all in like a very strong and pleasant fragrance. About an hour later when the sun was low in the sky, Enly mentioned that she was heading towards Anitora so she can get to White Stone and from there to the ruins of Tirnym, at this Mercie decided to wait until the now small gathering around Enly finally left and she then gathered up her courage and approached the towering Draegoni with batted breath. 'Hello", Mercie said in a faltering voice, “I am Mercie Leverne, and I am an understudy of the head sorcerer of Palon Vertas, and I am also very interested in the history of Tirnym." To this Enly replied in a powerful and flowing voice, "Why hello Mercie, as you may already know I am Enly the explorer and I am quite pleased to meet you" With the sound of this strong voice penetrating her ears she replied, " why thank you, and I am greatly intrigued by hearing these tales of your adventures, but please, I would love to accompany you to Tirnym", feeling rather dumb about how these words had just stumbles out of her mouth, she reddened in humility and thought that Enly was surely about to laugh at this ridiculous question. To her surprise Enly replied, “I would love to allow you to accompany me, though, the ruins of Tirnym is a very dangerous place, and besides, I doubt your parents would allow you to come, so it was nice meeting you Mercie but I must find lodgings for the night". 'Wait", Mercie shouted after Enly," You can stay with my aunt and I, we have plenty of extra room in our home and she would be pleased to house a traveler such as yourself in it". Enly then replied, “Well, if you are sure your aunt wouldn't mind, I guess we can go ask her", Mercie, very pleased at this, led Enly down the road to her home. "Auntie" shouted Mercie into the now candlelight halls of her home, “I have a guest with me named Enly who is a draegoni from the land Iscalrith, and she really needs lodgings". Slowly an older elf with brunette hair walked came into sight." Ahhh, so this is the adventurer that the council has mentioned was traveling through our lands, if she may, I would be honored to house her for the evening" The elf said. “But please, join us for dinner and for evening tea by the fire". Enly then said in a gratified way," I would be deeply honored to reside here for the night, and I will gladly join you for dinner". 30 minutes later they were all bustling around a dining table setting the dishes for the meal, once the had settled down and began to eat, they began talking about different things such as Enly's travels throughout the world, and about the daily life of most elves in Aeth Aeflan, and soon once they had gathered around the fire and began sipping the scolding hot tea, Mercie blurted out "Auntie, would you mind if I traveled with Enly to the ruins Tirnym", she asked. A long silence followed only broke by the chirping of the crickets outside, until the old elf said," Well, Mercie, I doubt that Enly would want to have to be responsible for and besides, Tirnym is full of evil that now resides in the ruined city". Mercie now turned to Enly and said in a desperate tone, "please, I won’t be much trouble and Ill can defend myself if I must, and...and I think I also know something that could be very useful..." Enly now stared at her in a curious way, and replied, “well......if your aunt allows it...and you sure you want to go...I will ponder it over the night, and I will let you know at sunrise". Excited, Mercie turned to her aunt as she said," well I think that Enly would be able to take perfect care of you and if she really wants to in the morning, and you still want to go, I will allow it, I just wonder what your parents would say though....but yes you may". Soon when they were getting ready for bed, and Mercie was comfortable under her blankets, still excited she hoped that she could go, and then fell into a deep, sleep full dreams of sailing over oceans, and traveling through distant lands. Chapter 1 A Conflict in Idaloran That morning, when the sun was still barely peeking over the horizon, Mercie was gently shaken awake by her aunt," Mercie...Mercie wake up, Enly has agreed to take you and she has already been down to the docks to charter a ship that will take the two of you to Idaloran". Remembering the events of the previous night, Mercie bolted out of her bed and began to dress at record time, and in about ten minutes time Her aunt, Enly and herself were sitting around the table eating eggs, toast and bacon. After a few seconds Enly said, " So Mercie, are you ready to began the journey, in about two hours time we will be taking a ship I chartered to Idaloran so I can request a flying ship from the princess of the Idal Empire". Mercie replied," Oh yes, I can not wait, I am so excited, but why do we need to take a flying ship, cant we just sail to Anitora and take the Dragon Ship from there". "Well, we could, but I would rather avoid Anitora if we could...I would rather not explain to you at this time" Enly had replied. The reason for this was that Enly was trying to avoid the servants of Mortos, who for some odd reason were trying to Stop her from reaching Tirnym, all she knew was that in a tavern in Zirakinbar that Mortos had his servants looking for her to prevent her from reaching the ruins, and they also said something about preventing the chosen one who would be traveling her from unlocking the secrets, whatever that had meant. Now though, she thought that avoiding Anitora, which would be the perfect place to affronted by the servants, would keep her and Mercie safe since it was considered the bridge between the two continents. She didn't want to worry Mercie about it though...at the time anyway. A couple of hours later, as Mercie and Enly were shouldering their bags full of the things they would need on the trip, and as the old elf was embracing Mercie, who was like a daughter to her, goodbye, and praying to the great Aluwen to watch over her, and when Mercie returned the hug and out the door, Mercie realized that she was leaving the only place she ever knew, and at that, she gave a slight shudder, but then pushed the feeling to the back of her mind, and continued to walk with Enly to the port. The port was a fairly unknown place to Mercie, she very rarely came here and she really despised the smell of rooted fish that lingered about the place, though she tried holding her nose as they walked by the rows of ships towards a small rather run down boat that Enly said she had chartered for them. Mercie felt very uncomfortable about the idea of getting on that ramshackle raft like boat, that was supposed to take them on the two day trip to Idaloran, but trying not to let Enly see her as a coward she kept her silence and walked onto the deck of the boat. The minute she had stepped onto the boat a loud booming voice said," well welcome aboard young lady," surprised, Mercie swung around to face a an old human who had a long white beard and very tan, wrinkled skin, and had mouth stretched into a long toothy grin. The shock of the suddenness of this greeting, Mercie replied," Why thank you sir, I am most grateful to be riding in your vessel to Idaloran". "Ahhh, you also have some very good manners, you are a fine young lady indeed" he said stretching his smile to an amazing length. "By the way, I'm captain Shrad". "Pleasure to meet you captain Shrad, I am Mercie Leverne" Mercie replied. At that moment, Enly walked on board and said," Hello Captain Shrad, thank you so much for coming at such short notice". "Don't mention it Enly....by the way, is this maybe the person you told me about in your letter that you had heard about from the servants of Mortos..." He was suddenly interrupted by the piercing glare that Enly gave him, and he knew that now wasn't the time to discuss this matter, so he then turned to Mercie and said, “Have you ever been on a boat before lass". As the day wore on, Mercie was taught about all the parts of a boat, and which each part was used for, and she was introduced to the other two crewmen of the boat, named Jack and Sam. She was also shown how the were risen and lowered She also had become sea sick for the first hour or so, and by the time they were going to eat she was exhausted with fatigue. When she saw what the meal was, she felt like she would be sick again, but with great distaste she swallowed the wretched tasting fish. Soon though, a conversation was started and feeling very tired and half drifted to sleep, and soon she nodded off into a deep sleep. That night she had a very peculiar dream, she was in a very beautiful garden, sitting on an elegantly carved bench sitting opposite of a powerful looking woman, with long black hair that fell down her back. Suddenly the woman spoke in a voice so powerful yet kind and loving that Mercie felt like she was in a trance, “Hello Mercie Leverne, I am the goddess Aluwen, and I have come to tell you why you are going on this journey". Mercie looked in wonder and in a weak voice Mercie said, "whatever do you mean great Aluwen". Aluwen replied in a firm yet gentle voice, " Mercie, you have been chosen by fate to be the one to unlock the mystery of Tirnym, and I can not say, I do not know, but you will be the one to warn the world of a great evil which destroyed the world, and only you can discover it save the rest of the world from it. You will have resistance at this though, Mortos and his servants want to stop you and put you under Mortos's will so he can use this evil to his own will, but remember, light will always triumph, Mercie. And now, I must go, as you are about wake up, just remember, be open and trust Enly, she is your guide, goodbye Mercie Leverne". And before Mercie could say anything in return, the scene dissolved and Mercie opened her eyes and found herself lying under the scratchy sheets of her small bed. Still in wonder, she jumped out of her bed and left in search of Enly, to consult her in the dream she just had. Mercie found Enly sitting in the small crow’s nest of the boat, at first Mercie just saw a silhouette, but then she recognized it was Enly sitting there. When Mercie called up to her, she climbed down as smoothly as a cat. "Why good morning Mercie, how did you sleep last night...”, when she saw the odd look in Mercies’ features, she asked," what’s wrong". Mercie then launched into conversation about the dream she had just awoken from, and by the time she had finished, Enly said, " well, my guess was right, you are the chosen one.....and...I guess it must be my duty to help you on this quest...” and she in turn told Mercie about when she had overheard some of the servants of Mortos talking in the tavern that one night. "So you knew...." Mercie said in a blank way. "Yes, I didn't want to worry you and I analogize sincerely", Mercie smiled and as they began to walk towards the cabins, they saw and wished Captain Shrad a good morning. *** Benedict walked through the glistening streets of Idaloran City. The brown hooded cloak he wore offered very little protection from the rain cascading down him. Finally he slowed down as he saw the palace of the Empress Hyanithe IX, who Mortos had sent him to see, he a servant of Mortos, the most faithful servant to give this necklace to the empress so Mortos can control her. All he knew was that this was stop an enemy of his, surely it couldn't be Aluwen, but he had been a little depressed that he wouldn't even tell his most faithful servant, but it wasn't his job to ask, so he just took the necklace and headed towards Idaloran. Just as he made it up to the gates of the palace a fork of lightning flashed across the sky, he took no notice of that as he walked towards the oak doors that kept the cold out of the Empress' majestic halls. "Halt, who are you". A guard said. " You cant just walk in here, this isn't a place for lowly scum like you..." he was just about to say something else, but a rapier was protruding from his chest where Benedict had stabbed him. When he withdrew his weapon the guard fell to the ground without a sound, with a smirk on his mischievous face, he continued into the hall and towards the princess. " All hail her Majesty Empress Hyanithe", Benedict said in a false voice, " I bring a gift to you my queen". He was standing in a grand hall that seemed to shimmer of power and wealth that it represented, and upon a golden throne, sat Empress Hyanithe. "Welcome to my halls peasant, how did you get past my guards", The Empress said in a fierce voice. "My queen, I only come to bring you my tidings of beauty and great craftsmanship to you". Benedict said. "Very well, let me see this item you talk about" The queen said with apparent greed in her features. Pleased at his success hi grabbed the diamond necklace out of his robes and presented it to the empress. She snatched it out of his hand and that moment, Benedict knew it had worked. Her eyes seemed to suddenly widen and become blank, and in a distant voice it she said, " present quarters of the greatest grandeur for the honorable Benedict, then, you shall have the police arrest a draegoni named Enly, and a elf named Mercie, and bring them to me, as soon as they arrive at the docks". *** The sun was setting; they were going to make it to Idaloran about midday tomorrow at the latest. Mercie was exausghted yet again from another day of hard work, and instead of staying up for dinner and the little celebration they were having, since it being the last night Enly and Mercie would be on the boat. Instead, Mercie went to bed. It seemed that she had just laid her head upon her pillow, when the first rays of sunlight began to warm her cheek, she got out of bed reluctantly and after she had dressed she headed out onto the deck. "Good morning", Captain Shard and Enly said at the same time. Mercie said good morning back in a groggy way. Then captain Shard said, " We will land at Idaloran Port in a few minutes, I can see the port in view". Mercie looked wide eyed the direction captain Shrad was pointing and she felt a surge of excitement and wonder as she saw the details of the port come into view; she felt that she had entered one of the most powerful kingdoms ever. When they reached the port they saw a group of soldiers at the entrance to the port, and as Captain Shrad tied up the boat, they came over with their weapons raised and they said, “Halt by order of the empress you are under arrest". One of the soldiers grabbed Enly then tied her up, no matter how hard she was struggling, they gave her a sip of some type of potion, which seemed to block her from using magic. Then, another soldier grabbed Mercie, and at this Enly shouted angry a curse at them, and Mercie bit and kicked with seemingly no effect until she started sobbing with hopelessness and then she too was forced to drink that potion. Then one man striked her across the face and she blacked out. When Mercie awoke she was in a small, dirty, dark prison cell with shackles around her ankles. In a coupe of minutes she felt searing pain where the man had stricken her, and trying to cast a spell that would break the chains, she found she still had a mental block on using magic. Mercie then started crying, she felt she was so stupid to want to go on this trip, and she longed for her aunt to come and tell these men to free her, and then she would go home and be happy. It wouldn't though, she realized this and she knew she wouldn't be saved by her aunt, and most likely by no one. Just then the door f her cell was opened and a guard came in there and said," you are awake, good, the empress wishes to see". He then led Mercie out of the dungeons and through many hallways until they entered a big throne room where in the throne sat a majestic looking woman, though she had a distant feel about her, like she was partially asleep. “so you are the chosen one, girl", the empress said in a yet distant voice. " Now join me Mercie, I shall give you powers you never knew of, just join me and let me use the power that lies in Tirnym for me...for us, then together we will rule". "where is Enly", Mercie said in a demanding tone. "She is right here", the empress said in a mocking tone, and Enly was brought out before them. "Let her go!” screamed Mercie. “Be quiet you little brat, another word out of place and I will kill your friend here". Mercie looked in despair towards Enly, and she said in a weak voice, " Don't worry about me Mercie, just don't do as he says, please, the empress can fight this, Mortos just has her under his control, I know the empress can fight this". "Quiet draegoni" the empress, or rather Mortos shouted at her, " I will have you tortured in the dungeons if you speak again", then turning to Mercie he said," You shouldn't listen to your friend, if you want her to live, do as I say". In a defeated tone, Mercie said," fine Mortos, I will do as you say". "Good girl, you are intelligent after all, now I shall send you to an ancient temple in Tirnym, and when you are there, find the gateway to the past, it is protected by a strong magic enchantment though, so you will need to figure it out and.....". He never finished what he said as to the fact a lightning bolt came from the ceiling and, after the clouds of haze that had risen, had cleared, a man dressed in robes of blue who seemed to have been ridding the bolt said," Mercie, do not listen to this vermin, I am Unolas, the god of magic and I will help you escape from this evil being", at this Mercie felt the block on her magic disappear, and then Unolas said, " use a spell that will cleanse the human of this infestation, you are the chosen one, your magic will send him away", gathering her new found courage, she used a spell of purification she had learned, and instead of a small weak spell, a great light issued from the empress and in one last final howl of anger, Mortos had been forced out of the empress's body. At the moment, empress Hyanithe said, “I greatly thank you child, you have rid that horrible evil from my body, and I am greatly in your debt", Mercie then asked for Enly to be freed, and after she embraced Enly, she turned to Unolas and asked, “How...was I able to do that...". Unolas replied to this question by saying, “you are the one destined to unlock the great secrets of Tirnym; because of this destiny you have been granted the magic of the ancients. Now, I have must go, but once you reach Tirnym find the temple of the past, and control the magic there to let you through time....That is all I can tell you, go well child". Then, in a sudden flash, he disappeared. Enly then said in a gentle tone, “I am most impressed with you Mercie, but I am afraid Mortos will continue to try and stop us, and we must be on our guard", Mercie nodded in agreement, still clinging to Enly. Enly then gently turned towards the empress and said, " Great empress Hyanithe IX, please, I request from you a flying ship to use, as payment of the deed I once did to you". "Of course you may, especially after what this child has done for me. I will also give you supplies and some of my best soldiers to protect you until you reach White Stone. Of course, if you wish, you may leave tomorrow and sleep here in my palace tonight". "We will be most honored your majesty", Enly said in gratitude. The next morning in the courtyard of the palace, the entire city had come to wish them a farewell as Mercie and Enly had climbed into the flying ship along with a few soldiers. After they instructed what supplies they would need they for the journey, they met numerous nobles and many other high ranking officials. Then when they were just about to embark on the next part of the journey the empress bid them farewell, and promised a celebration when they returned. Soon, in minutes, the ship slowly started to rise and then sped away, towards the sun which had barely risen in the horizon, as if guiding them to the land of Seridia. Chapter 2 The Ruins of Tirnym A thick fog hung around the docks of lakeside village in the early hours of the evening, Enly and Mercie has just stepped off the air ship which had brought them here from Idaloran. Mercie let out a long sigh in gratitude to being back on firm land. All she wanted to do was sleep, though they still had a bit too before they retired to the local tavern. They had to move their small amount of articles they had brought with them, and had to buy a steed with which could carry it through their journey. Enly was sharpening the spear she held at hand, and warned Mercie to remain close to her, as gargoyles roamed the lands of White Stone at night, Mercie was frightened but she knew it would only get more dangerous from here on out. Fortunately they encountered no gargoyles and soon they had stooped at the local tavern. Then after a meal of bread and meat, Mercie went straight into a deep sleep. The next morning, Mercie awoke and found she was all alone in the room. She got out of bed and walked down to the door; she opened it gently and heard the voice of Enly down the hall in the drawing room. Mercie quietly crept through the hall and came to a pause near the door. She could now hear Enly and some unfamiliar voice, which belonged to a woman who seemed around the same age as Enly. She heard the voice in hushed tone ask, “Are you sure this child is the chosen one by Aluwen and Unolas,” Enly replied, “Yes, I am positive, I was even visited by Aluwen herself last night. She told me it was my duty to guide her to Tirnym, and she would be the one to discover its secret, and use it to save our world from the evil,” “An evil, Enly, are you sure it is an evil? If it is, why would a young girl be chosen,” “Yes Moon Skimmer, it is an evil which must be prevented, and as Aluwen revealed to me, it is her destiny to discover and stop it from devouring our world into darkness,” Enly sighed. “Well, is she at least allowed to have you help her on this journey,” Moon Skimmer asked. “I was told I am able to up to a certain point, but then, she has to go by herself. I am must lead her through Tirnym, to the secret place, of different ages. That is where only she may continue,” Then, they lowered their voices even more, and Mercie leaned closer towards the door, and then she stumbled, regaining herself quickly, but knowing the damage was already done. The voices suddenly stopped, and footsteps approached the doorway, then Ely's head appeared in the doorway, and she heaved a sigh and asked, “How much have you heard?” “I didn't...hear...anything...just whispers,” Mercie replied in a trembling voice, hoping Enly would believe her lie. “Come in Mercie, it's alright, you aren't in trouble, I needed to tell you this anyway,” Mercie followed Enly into the drawing room, and at the in the center of the room, was a dark skinned elf with white hair, wearing a white cape. She had a warm wise smile upon her face, which seemed to take the nervousness right out of Mercie as she went to sit at one of the rough, wooden chairs. “Why hello Mercie Leverne,” Moon Skimmer said a warm voice,” It is a pleasure to meet you, I have heard much about you. How do you do?” she asked in her still warm voice. “I'm well, and it a pleasure to meet you as well,” Mercie said in a still shaky voice. “Well, Mercie, as you know this is Moon Skimmer, and she is a very old friend of mine,” Enly started.”She and I met shortly after I joined a wonderful group of healers, and we call ourselves Star. Well anyways, Moon Skimmer has politely agreed to meet us here, and is going to accompany us to Tirnym. We will be meeting up with others in Star closer to Tirnym,” Enly continued after a pause.”...Well, now I should tell you what you are actually going on this quest for-” “What do you mean by quest,” Mercie interrupted. “Well, as you probaly remember being visited by Aluwen, even though you probably just thought of it as a dream, you are destined to save the world,” Enly started.” Your destiny is to be the one that discovers the secret that led to the demise of Tirnym, and use it to prevent the rest of Draia from destruction. Alas I do not know what this evil secret is, and all I know is that you are the one that can find the link that shall take you to the past of Tirnym,” “I am allowed to have you help me though right?” Mercie asked. “...Well, to a certain point...” Enly had said after a pause.” I am allowed to take you to the ancient temple, but only you can pass through the barrier that is there. Hen only you will be able to save us all from then. I daresay there will be challenges; though I am sure you wouldn't be chosen for this task if you couldn't overcome it,” Mercie had suddenly realized that her jaw was hanging down slightly and she quickly closed, then taking a deep breath to steady herself she said.” I...am...supposed to do this...mainly alone?” She said in a quavering voice. “Unfortunately, it is true, you will succeed at this task though Mercie, I think so, even Aluwen knows you can,” Enly said trying to give Mercie hope.” And we will be able to guide you through the first part of your quest” Enly ended. Mercie just nodded her head, and after a few moments of intense silence she said.” Yes, you are right, somehow, I feel that this is a task I am destined for, and I shall try my best to succeed,” Moon Skimmer suddenly said.” You will be great Mercie, you, and you alone are destined for this” She then put on a wide, warm grin, but Mercie could tell that in her eyes, there was worry. “Yes, you will be great,” Enly said with a kind reassuring voice as Mercie lulled over these things in her head, embracing herself for what was yet to come. After a breakfast of fruit and bread at the tavern, they grabbed all of their possessions and went out into the cold, foggy morning. Moon Skimmer led them to a cart which she had borrowed probably the night before, they loaded all their cargo into its back, got into a bench along the front of the carriage next to Moon Skimmer, who after whispering to the mule which pulled it, started off at a nice little trot. They followed a little dirt path out of the village into a beautiful forest where the scent of pine trees and sound of birds chirping had a dreamlike quality to it. Mercie wished she could take all of the view in, but she was constantly turning her head to look at something else. Around noon the shape of a giant cliff came into view, and slowly grew bigger as they approached it. Right where the path was headed, was a small trench in the cliff, where there sat a tall muscular human who sat upon a brown steed. As soon as they were a few yards away from him, he came bounding to them on their steed with a wide, friendly grin upon his face.” It is great to see you two again, “He said happily.” And nice to meet you Ms. Mercie,” He said, giving her a wink. Mercie couldn't help but laugh as the man continued.” I am Mac Nathan, a fierce warrior, and also a healer of Star, I am pleased to meet your acquaintance,” He said with another grin. He suddenly put on a more troubled look and said in a distressed voice. “Alas I am afraid we will not be able to reach Tirnym through here, a little ways through the trench a boulder has fallen and completely blocked our path. We will have to get to the Riven Sea and ferry ourselves south,” “Ughh, well this is a bit of an annoyance,” Enly muttered to herself, more than to the group.” Well, I'm sure we can find someone willing to ferry us down there back in Lakeside. This will take a bit more time, but quicker than trying to climb over,” Enly said. “Hmm, well, I will go into town and search, and I can meet you three at the coast,” Mac Nathan suggested. “Good idea, we shall see you there, a please don't take forever,” Enly replied, with a mocking note in her voice at the end. After giving one last nod, Mac Nathan bounded down the road and quickly out of sight. Moon Skimmer then urged the mule to go forward, and they turned west along the cliff face. They arrived at the coast of the Riven Sea after a few hours and Moon Skimmer took out a basket of food containing dried meats and bread, which they ate while waiting for Mac Nathan to arrive. As the sun was setting, Mac Nathan came into view walking his horse along with some man who had a cart he pulled in which a small little boat resided. They finally reached the small clearing by the sea where Mercie and the other two were waiting, and as the man pulling the cart got closer, he said in a tired, yet joyful voice.” Ahhh, so this is why I was asked to bring such a large boat,” the man said.” My name is Harold, and I am the official boatman of Lakeside Village,” he puffed out his chest a little at this.” Though this is a little strange, wanting to go down the Riven Sea to Tirnym. Dangerous place that is, but I will gladly take you there,” he said tipping his hat to them. “I found Harold here in the tavern, and he readily agreed to take us down there, and for a low fee as well,” Mac Nathan said happily. “Ah good Mac, this is just what we needed,” Enly replied excitedly. “Hm, might take a couple trips to get us and all of our luggage down though,” said Moon Skimmer undoubtedly. “Yes, I know, and I am willing to make a couple trips,” he said kindly.” I have also agreed to take Mac's horse on the boat, and take the mules you borrowed back to town,” he finished. “Thank you Harold, we are very thankful for your help,” Enly said. After they had unloaded the boat from the cart, they decided Mac Nathan and the luggage would take the first trip, and then Mercie, Enly, and Moon Skimmer would go next. After nightfall had fallen, they had all reached the western shore in Tirnym. They had payed the boatman and thanked him for his services, and they then set out. “We should make camp here,” Enly said, when they came up to jumble of ruined houses.” It will provide with some protection from the horrors out there. Mercie, you should get some rest, Mac, Moon, and I will keep guard as you sleep,” Mercie objected, but her eyelids were as heavy as lead, and after a quick supper, she fell into a uneasy slumber, terrified that the most dangerous part of her quest had arrived at last. Chapter 3 The Ancient Temple The next morning Mercie awoke very early. She felt very unnerved that the usual sound of chattering birds she often felt in the morning was absent. Now that she could see Tirnym in the light of day, she felt as if in an alien place. The only creatures present seemed to be fierce monsters, and though they were so close to White Stone, it seemed they were in a different world. There was plenty of nature around them; it seemed dead, even though it was alive, as if it only existed in a ghost-like form. Shuddering at the thought of this, she was suddenly noticed by Enly, who gave her a warm smile. “Good morning Mercie, I hope you slept well,” Even though Enly looked perfectly awake, Mercie could notice the many rings which were under her eyes. Feeling a bit sorry for Enly, she replied. “I did, I just hope you did, and where are Mac Nathan and Moon Skimmer?” Mercie asked. “Oh,” Enly replied. “They will be right back; they went to look for the place Aluwen mentioned was where we needed to go. Want some breakfast?” Enly finished, pulling out some bread and dried fruit out of her bag. Mercie just then remembered why she was here, and when Enly handed her some bread and fruit, she ate in a thoughtful silence. After a while, Mercie asked. “Are you sure you can’t come with me…I’m scared,” Trying hard, she tried not to sob, but unfortunately, she did, and a few quiet tears followed. Enly had a really sympathetic expression on her face when she replied. “Yes, you must unfortunately, but do not worry, Aluwen knows you can succeed,” Before Mercie reply Mac Nathan and Moon Skimmer came into view. Nathan was waving merrily and was running towards them with Moon close behind. After reaching them, and panting slightly, Nathan said. “We’ve found it, it is located up through here,” “Come, come,” Moon said excitedly. Enly quickly packed up everything and they headed south with their two companions. A little ways on, they came upon a small graveyard with, a very large, heavily adorned with many intricate carvings. Oddly, it seemed to have sunken to the ground. Mac Nathan wrenched the door open, and stepped into the opening. Mercie was the last to enter, and as she did, it took awhile for her eyes to adjust to the dim light, once they did, she noticed a ominous green glow in the distance. From the moment she walked in, the putrid smell of rotting flesh entered her nostrils. She quickly pinched her nose, though it did not help much. Enly grabbed her other hand as they followed Nathan and Moon through the cave. Soon, the green glow grew larger until they were standing in front of a large green barrier which blocked any further advancement. Suddenly, a voice seemed to echo into Mercies’ ear. “Use a spell of death, of destruction to weaken the barrier, only you can do it,” it finished. Mercie took a deep breath and said. “I know how I pass, I have to use a spell of death on the barrier. Aluwen told me,” A ringing silence followed then Enly replied. “That sounds right, well, you might as well try it, we have no other ideas,” Enly finished, sounding rather annoyed with herself. Taking one last look at her friends, she said farewell, and after they had bid their goodbyes as well, se concentrated all her might on breaking that barrier. Suddenly, a small hole in the barrier appeared, and taking a deep breath, she walked passed the barrier. After she had passed through, she took a look behind her and saw that the barrier had reappeared, and realizing now that she was all alone now, she took a look around her. She found herself in ancient hallway, bordered by the ancient skeletons of once majestic and powerful trees. Once she reached the end of this hallway, she saw a bright portal, what was odd about this one though, was that, it had numerals like the ones found on a clock. They made it seemed as if they were proclaiming this was a time portal. Then, taking one last deep breath to give herself courage, she stepped through the light, and was whisked out of this age. ** At the same moment as when Mercie steeped out of her age, Enly and company had emerged out of the ancient temple. When suddenly, a giant earthquake seemed to spread through the world. What happened next was very shocking, Enly and company found the earth was actually breaking apart, and pieces of the ocean and Tirnym were falling apart, like great holes in the universe. Realizing that Mercie was no longer needed to help Mortos get to the past, they did know that she was their only hope. Then, in great dismay, they knew that the demise of the world had begun, and that Mercie would have to hurry, to fulfill her role. Chapter 4 The Great City of Tirnym Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mercie Report post Posted June 24, 2008 Hoped you liked it Well, chapter 4 is ready, so read and enjoy Chapter 4 The Great City of Tirnym Mercie arrived from a column of light in the wall of a huge room. Walking from the rift in space on the wall she walked to the tall door that stood in front of her and pushed it open. The minute she walked out the door seemed to shrink into a much smaller and dingy door. She found the door was locked and knew she was stuck in this time. She inspected the large, cavernous cave she had entered, it had a warm feeling about it, with the ground, walls and ceiling being lined with polished stones, but with several bare spots and ladders and chisels all over, giving Mercie the impression that this place was under construction. As she walked around, she saw many statues of Aluwen, realizing this was a temple dedicated to her, she even noticed this was the cave she thought was a crypt back in the present, recognizing many things. She also noticed a place at the end, boarded up, and bearing a sign warning all that mysterious magic was at work within, she recognized the green glow as the same magic which brought her here. She saw only a few church officials and stone cutters as se passed towards the exit, even though she didn’t fear being in trouble, she stayed to the shadows, for she felt she was from a different world, not just another time. When she emerged from the temple doors, she couldn’t believe her eyes, instead of the dark, ravaged, and evil infested Tirnym of the present, this was a place of beauty, thronging with the bustle of activity. Tirnym was a beautiful place, the sky was a perfect azure blue, and the trees were healthy and bore the loveliest leaves and blossoms. It was filled not only by the sound of people but the chirping of birds celebrating the glorious day. Mercie followed a beautiful, neatly paved, stone road, which she followed along Tirnym. She saw a grand market place, a huge port, and many beautiful buildings. She also found the entrance to ancient White Stone, but unfortunately, a guard told her it was completely caved in with boulders, but it should be cleared within a few days. She had a great time exploring the city, but by sunset, she was tired, and was hungry, she couldn’t buy any food because no one would accept the money she had, always asking if she was trying to prank them. Her feeling of desperation grew, she felt so alone there, even though surrounded by last minute shoppers, and with no idea of what to do next. She was just pondering on what she should do when a voice asked her, “What are you doing sitting here alone?” Mercie turned around to face an elf around her age, with long brown hair and almond colored eyes like herself, with pale skin. She replied, “I’m just…thinking of..” Mercies’ voice faltered as she failed to make an excuse. Instead she replied, “ My name is Mercie, and you are?” “Lilac,” she replied, “ and you can stay with me if you like, I can tell you are not around here, possibly Irsis? Anyways, my mother wouldn’t mind,” “Yes, Irsis,” Mercie said, “and I would love to stay with you,” Great fully, Mercie followed Lilac through a bit less grand area of Tirnym until they reached a small house. Lilac pushed open the door and beckoned for Mercie to follow. Inside, although small, it was clean and lavishly furnished. In the kitchen stood a tall, thin elf, who looked just like Lilac. “Mother, look, her name is Mercie, and she got lost from a boat in Irsis, she has no where to stay, can she stay with us tonight?” The older elf replied in a kind, loving voice, “Why of course she can, and I hope she is hungry for dinner is just about ready,” After a delicious meal of fruit sauce and bread, Mercie followed Lilac to her room, where she set up some bedding on the ground for Mercie. As she looked around the dark, she decided to tell Lilac the truth, so she checked if Lilac was awake and launched into an explanation of her adventure. Afterwards, Lilac looked at Mercie in a very inquisitive manner, and said slowly, “That is a very odd tale, very imaginable, but yet, I can feel, somehow it is the truth, so Ill take your word about it, and tomorrow, Ill help you find information about this Benedict. As for a weapon, our engineers are developing a medallion, which is said to be able to control the fabric of space itself, but I just thought it was a myth. Well, Ill tell you more tomorrow, goodnight Mercie,” and with a final yawn, Lilac fell asleep. Then, after mulling over the information she heard, Mercie also fell into a deep sleep. Mercie was in the same garden as she had been in so many weeks ago, and before her sat Aluwen, a benevolent smile upon her face. When she talked though, it seemed like it surrounded the entire garden. “Mercie, you must hurry, Benedict, the servant of Mortos found a way into the rift, and now has the necklace, he has split his soul, one to watch over the weapon here in the past, and one to watch the destruction of Draia in the present,” Aluwen said. “As long as he remains here, controlling the weapon, the present is falling apart, not the accident which destroyed Tirnym as the Elves fled, and caused the great earthquake, but he Is unleashing its true power, and unraveling the thread of time and space. He must not succeed, for if he does, Mortos can seize the thread and recreate the world and all time to his will, our only hope is you, the one blessed with the actual control over magic, not needing to use sigils or essences, but controlling it like the gods. Only with that ability combined with your mind and skill can destroy Benedict and the weapon, and restore the order of the world. Good luck Mercie, the fate of all, rests with you,” Suddenly, with a start, Mercie woke up, and knew, that the medallion was the weapon. *** The part of Benedict’s soul which was in the past strode up and down in the grand chamber, which belonged the old, arch-priest, whose body Benedict’s soul possessed. Around his neck the gold Medallion of Power, which he was using to reveal the life of the earth in the present for Mortos, hung limp, yet seemed to give off a dark energy of its own. Benedict wore a smug look on his face as he thought back on how easy it was too trick these fools into giving him the medallion. His other self, still in the present would be enjoying watching the destruction of the world and the pitiful group of Enly and company trying to stop him. As if they could, he thought to himself. They wouldn’t even be able to scathe me, and if they did, that wouldn’t change a thing. Ohh, Mortos, only a bit longer, then the energy of the world will be yours to seize. Laughing Maniacally, he started pacing around the room once more. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enly Report post Posted June 24, 2008 Yay mercie I'm glad you finally posted, it's looking very nice! Chapter 4 was exciting as well, can't wait to see the rest Just one thing that's jumping out at me; “Lilac,” she replied, “ and you can stay with me if you like, I can tell you are not around here, possibly Irsis? Anyways, my mother wouldn’t mind,”“Yes, Irsis,” Mercie said, “and I would love to stay with you,” I think I explained how the end of a paragraph like that needs a period instead of a comma, so those ," at the end should be ." you've got that in a lot of places Still waiting to read the rest, and while you're busy... get rid of those extra spaces between chapters and at the end they really make the post too long. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Roja Report post Posted June 25, 2008 Hi Mercie, I didn't have much time to do a lot of reading, but I did read the prologue and first part of the first chapter. It's turning out to be a good story so far, you've got that part down pretty well! What I do think you need to work on more however is your grammar/sentence structure/punctuation. Here I've critiqued a paragraph to show you some of the things to look out for: Mercie was a young elf around thirteen years old that had been born and raised in the grand city of Aeth Sylvath. She was the kind of person who would love to examine everything of interest to her she might see. Mercie lived with her aunt since her parents were great explorers that were recognized by every region of both Seridia and Irilion. Since she rarely saw her parents, her aunt, a very intelligent elf like herself, replaced her mother and father as a motherly figure. She was a very bright person who a deep fancy for the art of magic. Her knowledge was extensive in magic and she was very gifted and recognized as one of the best mages of Aeth Aelfan despite her young age. With corrections & suggestions to better word sentences: Mercie was a young elf around thirteen years old that had been born and raised in the grand city of Aeth Sylvath. She was the kind of person who would love to examine everything of interest to her that she might see. Her parents were great explorers that were recognized by every region of both Seridia and Irilion. Since she rarely saw her parents, as they were always on a journey somewhere, her aunt, a very intelligent elf like herself, replaced her mother and father. Mercie was a very bright person who had a deep fancy for the art of magic. Her knowledge of it was extensive, and she was very gifted and recognized as one of the best mages of Aeth Aelfan despite her young age. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mercie Report post Posted July 2, 2008 Thanks to you bothfor the advice I plan on adding all these things in on the final draft lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aphistolas Report post Posted July 29, 2008 (edited) Just noticed, even if you are done with this, your tags are a bit funky in the prologue title. And, although this is just a personal quality, I'd like it better if there weren't such large spaces between the paragraphs (six lines or so?), I believe one or two (plus maybe a line of hyphens) would be sufficient. There are some little fixes here and there I see Enly/Roja have already pointed them out, aside from that though it's a good read. If only I could do my English study on Eternal Lands Edited July 29, 2008 by Aphistolas Share this post Link to post Share on other sites