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The only real saint of Draia...

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a Long time ago there was a man. This man was really hot, really strong and extremely intelligent and could do anything he wanted. When he walked through a forest, all the critters, great and small, would come to the pathway and kneel as he passed. When he laughed, angels would come down from the heavens and dance in circles and do all those weird things angels are supposed to do but you never see them do. When he was sad, clouds would form and the skies would weep along with him. When he was angry black clouds would form and strike the countryside with bolts of lightning. When his enemies heard his name, they would wet themselves and start sobbing with fear. Yes, this was indeed a great, great man, so great infact, that he called himself the Saint, Saint Arcane.


But one day, as Arcane was harvesting,he was attacked by a pack of evil Black Dragons, and while Arcane was effortlessly bashing the heads of pack of evil Black Dragons in with a pickaxe, a strange North-Westerly wind rose up, and whispered to Arcane. Whispered words that made Arcane turn pale with shock and fear: another man has come to Draia, who also claims to be the Saint! And all of Arcane's enemies have joined sides with this usurper, in hopes of overthrowing the one true Saint! And were at that very moment marching towards him!


So without a second to lose, Arcane caught one of the dragons and flew off to the storage, where he kept all his weapons and armours and insane amounts of gold and rare st00fs. On the way there though he found himself surrounded by an army of 5000 men, elves and dwarves, all armed to the teeth, the scouting party of the Usurper's army, entrenched along the road to the storage, every single one with a bow aimed at him. As he looked down upon them from his dragon-steed, the commander of the army swung his sword and pointed it at Arcane and shouted 'FIRE!'. With a great 'woooosh' thousands of arrows filled the sky, turning Arcane's dragon into a giant black hedgehog. The dragon died instantly and Arcane found himself dropping like a stone towards the ground. But then his lightning fast brain formed a plan, and he pulled out off his harvester cape, and used it to break his fall, and floated safely down to earth. Once upon the ground Arcane promptly started clearing the area, swinging his pickaxe with his awesome strength, mowing down anything that stood in his path. Arrows seemed to bounce off his mighty body like leaves against a tree in an autumn breeze. Swords would glance off him without seemingly doing any damage, or break on impact, sending shards flying in all directions. Very soon almost the entire army was crushed, save for the few with the wit to run away. Arcane then went to where his dragon lay, dug a grave for it, and fashioned a headstone out of the weapons from his slain enemies around him. After a short moment of silence, Arcane turned around and walked off to the storage, as soft rain descended to the earth, forming rivers of blood flowing down the slope, washing away the signs of battle, as the wolves and crows came from the forests and hills to feast upon the surplus of fresh meat.


As Arcane came to the storage, he was dismayed at the chaos that lay before him. Almost anything that was worth something has been looted, and whatever could not be carried of was thrown aside and broken down with wanton disregard. The wind started howling through the broken windows and as a flash of lightning lit up the room, Arcane saw his beloved Halberd, still lodged in the wall where he threw it the previous night during a drunken party. The weak fools who raided his storage did not have the strength to pull it from the wall. With a lazy jerk on the handle Arcane dislodged it from the wall, and just in time too! Because at that very moment a fresh assault of Orchans burst through the door, screaming their oath-ridden warcries and flailing their weapons madly at him. With a swing of his mighty halberd he turned the leading Orchan captain into a gushing volcano of blood, and after hacking off a few arms and heads he sent the Orchan back the way they came. As he was chasing the last Orchan out the door, lightning flashed again, and he saw that the entire plain infront of him was covered with the fake Saint's army, stretching as far as the eye could see, and Arcane thought to himself " aww crap, it will take forever to kill this bunch ", but as he said those words the earth started to rumble, and Arcane turned and looked behind, and saw a stampede of birds and beasts rushing to join in the battle. When the foremost Chimeran Wolf reached him it shouted " We have come to help you rid these scum from the land mi'lord! " and rushed on past, into the oncoming enemy. So with a blood curdling warcry Arcane charged his foes and started cutting down his enemy as a farmer would cut down hay with a scythe, and destroyed their army to the last man...


... and then Arcane awoke to find himself under a collapsed cavern wall, and he realised he must have lost consciousness and started hallucinating. So with a curse he swung his pickaxe at the nearest rock and it broke and a piece of rock fell onto his foot... and after uttering a long string of curses, Arcane hobbled back to the storage to heal himself and get a new pickaxe.


The End.

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