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A story about wondering fool

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#1 VriS@K


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Posted 06 January 2006 - 12:55 PM

My english is bad...but i make this story up so if u wont read it.

Wondering Fool
Great war destroyed balance in all life. But it destroyed a life of a one man.It destroyed him for ever and ever. He will live in misiry and pain. Always dying and dying but always born.Thet is his punsihment. He betreyed and now he sofer beyonde the haven and hell.
His name was Son.HE had a family and a children and he loved them more then anything in a all world.His life was peacfull and nice untily a war beggined.War of the Gods where mortals are just a dolls to them.They useing them to kill other gods...His life was ruinned.Morts killed his family and turn them into undead when he watched (Son not Mortos). He cryed beged. But nothing. His children...In blood whedout eyes and arms...his wife...like a corpse...Mortos looked at him with a eyes of evil honor. But he wasnet happy because of this he just say:" Son.This must be done.I must win and they must die... Come with me.Become my second hand and help me kill Aluwen..."He gived hand to Son.Son looked at him with fear and sorow...anger...fury....,"U cant do nothing now...U cant kill me....But i can kill u...If i win ur family will be alive again if i not they desapire and u die to..."Son started to cry and bag mortos. But evilness inside cannot be stoped...
"U wont them thet!? U wont them to stay like this!? U CALL UR SELF A MAN!? A HASBEND!?"
"Then come with me...come to see my victory ..."he giveed hand again to Son and thos time,with little pain,son gived him his hand too...
There was more of the "second hadns of mortos" and theres familys wear undead too.There job was to check the armies and tell mortos if enemy advace.Years of war are long and terible. The Second Hands watched evrything...watched children dying...undead killing...citys burn...and they betreyed there people.There will not be return after this...
In Sons had somthing was wrong...He knowed thet Mortos is loseing...and he knowed thet Aluwen gona win...Something must be done.He told his plan to others and they left mortos palace.They went into eternal fields of war and killing to seek a forgiwing from Aluwen...
On there road they saw corpses...dead people...blod evrywhere. Wind is brinnging screams from a distant lands...Air was full of pain and sky full of darkness...Are we lest of human kind? Is this are punishment?! Son was confuzed...where are humanS!?
They are in air...u can fill them...they crying...they are angry...u betrayed them! U shoud burn!
"NO! I DIDNT! He make me do it!" Oh realy? U had a choice! U are evil now my little human!
"NOOO!" he felled on a ground...alone...his friends left him...they now thet he gona go mad...Facecs watched him from shadows...He saw them speaking but he didnt understund...What shoud i do?He started crying...he thought of his familiy...children playing in backyard...lefing...his beutiful wife...All gone...there is no escape...
"There is..."he heard a voice.
"What?! How are u?"he jumped from a ground and looked around him.
"Im Aluwen...Protector of all life...Protector of people."
"Go oway...u come here to give me a lessens!"
"No im not.Human.Listen to me.Ur life is in ur hands...Not myn or Mortoses...U know what is good for u...U know what is best to be done..."
"But...i betreyed them..."
"No...they betreyed u...Come with me.And i gona forgive u evrything."voice sttoped and Son was confuzed more then ever but hi was a little happyer.All those death around him...like it dissapeard!And then Mortos come:"Fool..."
"No! Mortos!"
"U realy belived her? Do u know how is she!!? U dont belive me because im a god of death? Evil? ur a fool...Fool how wonders betvin a good and evil looking for answers on questions thet nowone askes...Il gona live u here...and prey thet u die...And before thet il tell u a little story about Aluwen...About how is she realy..." Mortos told him evrything. Son was shocked and angry! Why!?
"Ur family is free but u never gona find them...Die foolish mortal.Die here in middle of nower and i hope u gona safer!"Mortos gone...Happynes desapierd...And there is only Aluwen...If this is trufe...then i must leave...I must stop Aluwen! But wait...mortos is evil...why shoud i belive him...i go and talk to aluwen!
This part of the story is a secret...il tell it to u only if u wont to know it but il continiun after thet...
"U are fool Son...U betreyed humanity...u betreyed mortos and u dear to come to me and do this!"
"It is for humanity aluwen!"
"Then u shell fill thet urs humanity! Fill what u builded all this time! Fill my curse!"
Aluwn cursed Son. Evry minute of his life is full of misery and pain...The War always echoes in his thoughts...Living scars and wounds in his mind...Thet is the curse of the god...But he have a curse of a people...Aluwen cursed him because he betrayed people...he cursed him thet avrybody hates him! Thet anyone and anybody can kill him when ever they wont...And he always born again...Always passing trow hell and live like a demon on earth...He is seaking for his family and for forgiving of this Eternal Lands...He saferd more then anyone else...Years are passing...he wonders trow the lands seaking the answers on a questions thet noone asks...The truf of his family...There he os a Wondering Fool!

#2 Acelon



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Posted 06 January 2006 - 08:22 PM

Ok my comments...

Did you base this story on the bot wanderingfool? If so, won't be official and should go to the fanfiction section on EL.net.

Also, you may not be good at English but its is spelled YOU and not just U. It looks very sloppy and unprofessional when writing a story and use IM lingo.

The story itself is unrealistic with the games current storylines.

Don't post stories more than once, especially in threads where it isn't relative (like the shortened account of history thread.

#3 Derin



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Posted 06 January 2006 - 10:04 PM

A few comments from me as well:

It does not fit the official storyline at all, so it cannot be used for that. To make an official story, ie one that would fit into the main theme of EL you need to read up on previous posted stories. Then post a short version so you can get a go or no go.

This paricular story needs a lot of work, especially when it comes to spelling and grammar. And as LV said, don't use "u", "ur" or "urs"

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