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kat

I started to come up with one

Is the story so far ok?  

  1. 1. Is the story so far ok?

    • Yes i love it
      0
    • needs some work, but it's ok
      4
    • No! it's terrible!
      0


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plz read the last post that i posted after reading the story ! thx

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OK guys, i started to write this just yesterday. Tell me what you think of it so far. If you think it's horrible then just say so, so then i won't have to keep working on it. If you like it so far, then that's great! :P

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The night was like no other night. Not a single mind or body was at peace. It seemed as if the dead had arose. Something was not right. Not right at all. The wind howled louder then it ever had, and the ground shook below our feet. We all hid in fear, even the most bravest of all. There was no escape for what would happen this night.

Everyone knew what would happen, and why it would. War had spread throughout the nations. Neither elves, dwarves, or humans got along anymore. There was always a battle. Sometimes over the stupidest of things, or the most important. This day the gods would make the nations pay for what they had done to each other.

(A few nights before) Lord Vermor sat in his throne thinking about who else would come to his castle and dare try fight his gargoyles, as this happened daily. “All fools,†he thought, “they should know that they can’t get into my castle as hard as they try.†Thieves would come and try to steal his gold, as he was very wealthy, but would never make it back alive.

There was a loud pounding upon his door. “I told you fools to let me be!†he shouted. It must be my gargoyles, he thought. The pounding came even louder then the last one. “Why don’t you answer my servants?†he asked while getting frustrated. This time the pounding became so loud that it echoed throughout the castle. Lord Vermor now became frightened.

He stood up from his throne. Then shouted, “Who are you, and what do you w-want?†he tried not to stamper, but his fear took over. The castle door then collapsed and a bright light then swarmed into the throne room and swept Lord Vermor back into his throne! The light was so blinding and painful that he thought it may just turn to fire and burn him to a pile of dust! He tried to scream, but no sound came out. The light then went down into a simple glow. It was the Wraith.

Lord Vermor remained speechless and dumbfounded while sitting in his throne. The Wraith had no expression on his face just solid. Lord Vermor then came to his sences. “W-what do you want?†he asked.

“I have came to warn you.†answered the Wraith

“Warn me? Warn me about what?â€

“There will be a night when all is gone. Gone to an end, but if shall settle, lives will stay the same. If not mettled with, this world will come to an end, an end in which you and others shall live and die again.â€

“I-I-I don’t understand! What are you rambling on about you old hag?â€

“You have been warned! Change this world before it changes you!†and with that the Wraith left the empty castle, with an angry Lord.

“What am I supposed to do? I just enjoy seeing lives taken by my Gargoyles. What else can a man want?†he laughed to himself thinking about what the Wraith had said to him. That chuckle had a bit of fear under it, he knew what the Wraith meant. “Why should I care what will happen to them? I am just fine with that!†and with that he was off to his royal slumber.

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Thx 007 for catching my grammer, (it's horrible i know :roll: ) if someone doesn't look at it, it usually ends up staying scerwed up! lol

anyway, it will be fixed later on.

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yeah, that might be a good idea :D

 

lol, thx again guys for your help, plz keep posting your thoughts! I really appreciate it! :D

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ok, guys,

i really appreciate all the help you're giving me with the grammer, but i would also like opinions on it. like should i change something... or is the story (so far) just not good, or maybe yeah, ok, needs some work.... if you kinda get what i mean. but like i said thx for helping with the grammer and the corrections of the names. :D

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abd4

 

See "King"

 

And for the content. it was a little confusing at the end where the wraith is talking to the King but maybe its just b/c i havent read the other stories.

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Does it really matter what you say? someone wrote king in the game by mistake. It IS LORD Vermor. End of story.

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OK, the part where the Wraith is talking to Lord or King Vermor (whoever he is, :roll: ) that isn't in other stories. I just thought it would be neat to have that happen, but unless i should replace the wraith with a God or Goddess plz let me know... I know that there are like other Gods and stuff in the game, but they are in the churches... so tell me what I should do, ok?

 

p.s i really appreciate the help! :D

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ok, to clear up the confusion of the story so far,

when el just started to come out the characters were like see thru, and roja wanted to do like a we are ghosts thing. Sort of like the world blew up and we are all spirits, but that changed once our bodies weren't see through. That's what this story was going to be based on, but it doesn't seem like it's going to work... so unless i can think of something else, like a story inside of a story... but, i'll see. Maybe it can be a myth, of some sort. I am going to be working on it and i would still like ideas coming from you guys... i really appreciate the help, so don't hesitate to post an idea!

 

thx guys ;)

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Ok, i know that this is like my 3rd post without a reply, but i have been thinking for my story that it will be a story in a story. I need people who would like to be in it! I need a story teller (actually a myth teller, but what's the difference?) people to get on the story tellers nerves ( like to ask questions) and 2 other ppl to be listening to the story, but they will also be like interested, and the other one is just, well, you'll see!

 

regards kat

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“What am I supposed to do? I just enjoy seeing lives taken from my Gargoyles. What else can a man want?â€

 

should that be "by my gargoyles"? that would make more sence.

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