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The Tale Of Barakushiak

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Here is my first tale (Stage one of the story procedure). The beggining of a great legend, expect more updates to come. I really hope you like it :) I really like writing short stories like this, and I'd love to write official legends, myths, stories etc. And this is to show you what i can do in a couple of hours of Semi-afk harvesting :)


The Tale Of Barakushiak


Chaper 1:The War Of The Archmagi


For many years the most powerful mages in Draia have been based in the Great Magic School Of Tarsengard, the largest, and most powerful magic sanctuary in history. Within in those walls thousands of pupils have been trained into a life of a mage. The greatest mages in the Draia have harnessed their powers there. But there was one dark time in the great history of this school, one time of evil powers beyond imagination.


Barakushiak Scarthogas was the Head Archmagi of the school at the time. He was a very secretive and mysterious man, but he undoubtebly had incredible powers. He looked about in his mid-thirties. He was extremely tall, with long, straight, jet black hair. He always wore the same black silk robe and had his staff, The Quodrath in hand. The Quadrath was rounghly seven feet long and made with some of the finest wood, and contained a number of precious gems sitting at the end. He considered The Quadrath as his most important possession. He was the only person to feel it cushioned in his hand. Sir Scarthogas could be an extremely kind Head Archmagi to his pupils but to outsiders he could be extremely ruthless.


Scarthogas stood in his room silently staring out of the window. He stood like a statue, his grey eyes staring out of his window into the schools gardens. He heard a knock. He flicked his staff and the door disappeared, still the rest of his body did not move. The man that proceeded into the room sat down, he was covered in darkness, no-one would have been able to make out any of his details, but the Head Archmagi knew who he was. After a minute of silence the mysterious figure spoke in a old deep voice, "I bring grave new sire,"

"Go on"

"I fear for the safety of the school. They are coming, I have foreseen Their ship, and it is coming this way. There is no way to stall him any further, that is something we all must accept"

" I know!" He screamed "I know who he is.I know the one who sent them. And he will not win again! I simply cannot let him." As this message bellowed from the top of his voice the building seemed to shake. "I will fight." He mumered

"You do not know what you are getting into. I beg you to reconsider sire, it is in no way safe."

"Silence!" The Head Archmagi bellowed "Now. Begone!"

The figure slowly walked out of the room.


He took out a small device from one of his pockets and put it up to his face. When he spoke his voice could be heard in every room of the school.


"All students in the fourth year and older please come to the meeting hall"


"All pupils in the fourth year or below please leave now. It would not be safe. Now the rest of you say here, and do not move!" he bellowed.


As he said this several pupils left in fear. "All of you remaining are true mages. If I fail you must defeat These beast sent by the one of evil. I will challenge Their leader to a duel, but if I fail then they will not hold back. Everyone be prepared!


A huge shadow cast over the entrance to the school. The creatures could not be seen, they were all covered in a shadow, a very dark deep shadow. A high screech pierced all the mages ears. In front of them the Archmagi suddenly appeared. He also started to screech in what must have been the same languages the shadows spoke. Then once again silence fell over the building. The largest shadow emerged from the group and emitted another screech.

"There will be a duel in the main hall students!" He announced, and then announced the same message through a high pitched screech.


All the students stood on one side of the hall, whispering silently to each other. On the other there was the large shadow, with the occasional screech coming from it. Both the leaders appeared in the centre of the hall. All the shadows screamed, all the mages shouted in unison to mark the beginning of the fight.


"Come on my Quadrath" he murmured to himself silently. The jewels on top of his staff glowed in all the colours of the rainbow. The shade burst toward him, he swung his staff yet it went straight through the shadow. Before he knew it he was laying on the ground. He spun his staff an became invisible, and snuck up behind the monster.

"ARCHEATH!" he screamed as loud as he could and a white bolt shot from his staff into the shadow, yet nothing seemed to happen.


Suddenly a black sword appeared in front of the shadow. It flew at Barakushiak. It stopped dead in the middle of the air. Again Barakushiak screamed and he thrust his staff into the middle of the shadow yet still nothing happened.

"AHHH!" he screamed. Suddenly a huge pain shattered through his brain. He fell to the ground writhing in pain. The shadow made its way towards him.

"Huh," he murmured softly. As the creature reached out towards him a rainbow of colours appeared around the body on the floor, the Archmagi was lifted high into the air and all this energy exploded out of him. The shade fell to the ground. He grasped his staff tight and thrust it downwards into the creature. It screeched so loudly it sent Barakushiak flying backwards before he stopped him self and dropped to the ground.


He thrust his staff down into the creature."Be gone foul beast! Back to the lands were you belong and NEVER come back again! Never crawl back out of hell again!" He half screamed this yet half spoke it, but the shadow stayed. He screeched and still nothing happened. He felt a cold sweat come over him, the monster was standing right behind him, again unhurt. The battle continued to rage on, spell after spell was cast yet still the beast stood strong. Barakushiak was starting to feel fatigued. There was no hope. This creature had no weaknesses, it was completely unaffected by almost every type of spell. The screeches from the shades became louder and louder, as they sensed their leader was about to defeat the humans.



He knew there was no hope left, so he went for one last long shot. He created a small magic force field surrounding himself. He started to screech to the beast. For almost ten minutes he continued to screech and screech. All the mages thought he was going crazy. He whispered something that could hardly be heard by anyone. Suddenly everything stopped. The world froze. Then a flash of light filled the hall. The shadows disappeared that covered the beast. It could be seen that they were humans.








"I thank you!" The leader screamed in joy "Me and my men were captured by the power of evil. We just wanted to be an order of honourable knights but..."

"Who did this to you?" Said Barakushiak, who could hardly believe his eyes "You must tell me now"

"I do not know his name" but he was a mage that appeared to have once been human.. but he was no more. He captured us in the shadows and controlled us. Please sir, is there anyway I can repay you for releasing us?

"I feared it was him". There has been rumours recently about a dark wizard with incredible powers. He is almost pure evil. His powers come from pure evil."

"I would be honoured to my Lord" He spoke boldly

"Then knight please tell me your name."

"I am Sir Arthur, knight of the holy order. And may I ask your name great sire?"

"I am Barakushiak Scarthogas, the Head Archmagi of this great school. Now, I ask your men to join us in a feast, and I hope we could become very good friends."



This is how Barakushiak's journey began, soon you will learn more about this great man, thank you for reading Chapter 1: The War Of The Archmagi.


Feel free to coment :)

Edited by evilmangopie

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Chapter 2: New Revelations And Preperations


Heres the next chapter, its much shorter. But building up to a great next installment!


A number of weeks later, after both the Knights of The Holy Order Of Alluwen, that had originated from Palon Vertas and the mages of Tarsengard Magic School had become acquainted they had almost finished the preparation for the journey.


“Barakushiak,” said Arthur solemnly “Are you sure that this journey is a good idea. This…. person is like nothing else before….. his power is incredible. I do not know what he wants, why he is doing this. But I don’t know if there would be any reason to do this. Sending my men as shadows to you must have been a trap, he was just playing you into his hands…”

“No.” Barakushiak proclaimed “I have..... something to tell you. I know more about this man than you think. I once knew him, when he was a human but he is no more. He has become overtaken by the power of Mortos. Mortos rewarded him with some of his power. He is just a pawn in Mortos’ plan. His power will just grow and grow. We HAVE to stop him, at all costs.”

“It is my holy duty to destroy him then. But may I ask how you come to know this?”

“I have ways… I have friends. He has an ice fortress in a small island near the Imbriglio Islands. He can absorb peoples powers. Once he has enough power he will attack with all his force. But as you say we alone could not defeat him. All the magic schools armies along with the orchan army of Dra Syn that has been terrorised by him will be meeting us in Glacmor in two days.”

“Thank you sire for revealing this information to me.”

“Oh, and Arthur, visit the weapon and armour store room. You will find something for you and your men.”

“Thank you sire!”

As he started to walk back out of the room Barakushiak shouted back at him, “Call me Barakushiak!”




“Will everyone please come to the training room, the time for preparation has come!” echoed Barakushiak’s voice around the room.

“Everyone please help yourself to new gear from the store cupboard.”

As he said this the door disappeared next to him revealing a very large room full of some of the finest gear. Dragon and titanium armours, many different staves, magic weapons and armours filled the room. There was enough for everyone to be fully equipped.

“How can you afford this?” whispered Arthur to Barakushiak.

“There is no price for defeating Mortos, ever.” He replied in his low, wise voice.

After a few minutes of students gasping at their new weapons and equipments once again Barakuhsiak’s voice bellowed around the area.

“Everyone now go into the training room. It is time for all of you to learn what you have never learnt before. For the knights, you shall learn some of the greatest fighting techniques ever. And mages spells that are usually kept secret to you have to be taught to you. We must stop at no level at all!”


For the next day every person was changed, they had learnt what it was to be a fighter, a fighter against Mortos. Everyone gained the burning desire forcing them to carry on until they physically could not. If they had ever been ready for this war, it would have been now.



And once again please comment! :D

Edited by evilmangopie

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I was going to do a large third chapter but I thought I'd keep each chapter shorter so here it is.


Chapter 3: The Journey


After the intense training session It had become time for them to depart to find the ice palace that the unnamed servant of Mortos had been generating his powers.

“You were so right, my Arthur.” The corrupted agent of evil chuckled to himself.

“And the trap will work perfectly. Most of the men will die trying to find my beautiful fortress and I can deal with the survivors once they arrive. Hahaha! Then this stupid planet will feel my great lord’s wrath!” He boasted to himself.


He was sitting on a throne made from ice, in a large but empty room. He wore a red robe, with all black armour covering him from head to toe. The only visible part of his body was his black bloodshot eyes. He held a black spear that gave of a blue glow. This vibrant choice of clothes made him stand out in the room in which everything was made by ice. Except for one thing, the most important thing in his palace, the shrine. The shrine appeared to be very small, but that was only in comparison to the huge room that he sat in. The shrine must have been as big as normal house, and it was like the man who worshiped in it, all red and black. There was a pool of larva burning in the middle, but all the ice kept frozen, not a drop of water anywhere. There was a 10 foot tall statue of the God that had glowing red eyes.


“Do not fail!” shouted a voice from the shrine that made the servant flinch.

“Trust me master, I cannot fail! And I would never fail!” He shouted boldly back

“Well, we shall see.” said the low, powerful voice.






“Men, we must now depart. Everyone come into the main meeting hall and we shall leave for Glacmor” Ordered Barakushiak

All the men noticed a glowing ring around the floor as they entered the large hall. The green sign drawn on the floor light the whole room.

“ We leave now. You are getting teleported to the base being set up on the shores of Glacmor. Do not be afraid.”

The sign on the floor started to glow more violently. Changing colour frantically into all colours of the rainbow. It started to raise into the sky slowly. Then all of a sudden it disappeared, and a huge flash of light appeared. Everyone in the room was throne violently into the centre of the room yet nobody hit each other, when they reached the middle of the room they disappeared. After less than a minute of this the room was completely empty.


They were now in the icy landscape of Glacmor. In front of them they could see a large group of people wearing the Arius magic school robes.

“Greetings!” shouted one of the mages.

“Hello!” shouted many of the new arrivals back.

Both the parties met up together as they lead there way to a temporary camp site set up by some of the draegoni’s.


Once they arrived they saw that they must have been the last to arrive, there were mages with robes of every school and the fierce Dragoni warriors.

“Welcome.” said Saratyth, the leader of the draegoni. Now all the usual power hungry Archmagi’s had someone on a slightly higher level than them. Saratyth was a draegoni that definitely looked more dragon than human. He must have been at least 8 feet tall. He had a number of scars and cuts on his extremely muscular body. Although a number of his men did look extremely strong none could match him. He looked at Barakushiak with piercing eyes that would make you think he could rip Barakushiak apart limb from limb.

Yet he spoke in a very kind and quite soft voice but it seemed like a voice used only to his friends. But he could use a different voice when it came to his foes.


Hope ya like it.


EDIT: And please someone reply.. I really want feedback!

Edited by evilmangopie

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Just cleaned up the story a bit. Some of it was rushed so there was a lot of mistakes but _most_ of them should be gone now :w00t:. If you have any mistakes I've missed then just say. Most of the work was first chapter as it was very unclear in parts. Sorted that out, and I'm working on the next chapter as well. I'll get it posted ASAP =)

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Hi, sorry I didnt' reply sooner. Finally getting around to reading the latest stories posted here :)


The story sounds good but I think it needs to be built up more to provide character depth and more details, or history even. I think you can develop a good character out of Barakushiak, he sounds neat and very interesting, but we've got to get to know him better! :)


You've got quite a few errors with wording in it though. Some examples:

"Within in those wars thousands of pupils have been trained into a life of a mage"

I think you mean walls?


"“ I know!” He screamed “I know who They are.I know the one who sent them. And he will not win again! I simply cannot let him.” As this message bellowed from the top of his voice the building seemed to shake. “I will fight.” He mumered"

Writing that he "screamed" here really doesn't fit at all. You can write shouted, bellowed, said loudly..or you can just omit it since you also described how he spoke again(the part i underlined), no need to have it twice.


“I have an announcement” He said hesitantly. Every pupil in the school stopped what they were doing. Very rarely did the Head Archmagi speak to the whole school like this. “There is a danger coming towards our school. Every pupil and teacher go to the Meeting Hall immediately.

All the young mages were struck with fear, as were the teachers. The first year students burst into tears.


“All pupils in the fourth year or below please leave now. It would not be safe. Now the rest of you say here, and do not move!” he screamed


As he said this hundreds of pupils left in fear.


So he's addressing HUNDREDS of students..how? where? from what you wrote it sounds like they're all in one room together. If they are, they'd be in the meeting hall (or a huge room) already, but then you write that they go to the meeting hall. If he can address ALL the people all at once, why even go to the meeting hall?


We, as readers, need to SEE what you see as a writer. Often times you'll imagine things in your head, but if you don't write it down, no one can see or hear it but you. That's why you've got to work on details and making sure the imagery in your story works well.

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Thanks for the comments Roja.... I am working on it right now



The Journey



The next morning the whole party awoke early in the morning. Today they were going to begin the journey into the ice palace. By 6.00AM the army that would fight against the power of Mortos had all gathered at the docks. At the dock there just one ship. An extremely large ship name The Great Explorer, one of the greatest boats at that time.


It had extremely noticable red sails that almost lit the sea. The wood that the ship was made from was a light willow. Everytime the ship was used it had repairs, just to leave it in perfect condition. There was not a sratch or chip that could be seen. Stored on the ship was: weapons, potions, magical essences, clothes armor, food and everything they could.


“Now is the time to leave!” shouted Barakushiak, as did all the other leaders at almost the same time. The conditions were not perfect though, it was extremely foggy but the wind was not strong. As they ventured further and further it appeared to become foggier and foggier. Before they knew it no land was in sight, just water stretching on for ever.


Spirits of all the men were dropping rapidly. They knew that it would not be easy to find the palace, but they had been searching for almost a day and nothing had been seen. Once every while someone would calim to see something, but it was probably just a mirage. Morots definetly knew what they were doing, and the god would not allow it.


“I can see something!” screamed one of the draegoni.

“I see it too!” replied one of the students.

Barakushiak looked in all directions. He could just make out something that looked like a shining white star in the see of blue. He sprinted towards the front of the boat.

“Turn east!” he ordered.


The boat slowly turned towards the white spot. Almost instantaneously they could make out an island floating in the middle of the sea. After roughly another half hour of sailing they could clearly see the floating ice island. As they had almost arrived at the island a huge storm started. The wind was violently pushing the party away from the island.


“Everyone grab an oar!” bellowed the sailors.

Even with everyone rowing they still could not reach the island. They were al rowing their hardest but the ship did not creep any closer to its destination. Barakushiak thought of teleporting the men to the ice shore but if the mages stopped rowing the whole ship would be sent flying back. Everyone was screaming with panic, yet kept on rowing for their lives.




Originally wrote more for this chapter, but the end was crap. So expect an update soon.

Edited by evilmangopie

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The Arrival:



Although usually Barakushiak kept the same calm expression his face was quickly growing red in panic. Sweat starting pouring down and almost immediately freezing after it left his face. He could see that the wave would soon over power the ship, he noticed parts were planks of wood were ready to go flying into the air. Someone had to do something, something quick.


Everyone body made their own effort to help, but it made no difference. The mages were casting spells rapidly, the fighters were trying to use brute strength to support the ship, the leaders were ordering. All this work probably only bought a few seconds time. Nothing could withstand the rage of a god that only wanted destruction.


Barakushiak knew that all this work had almost no effect. But when the gods interfered in the mortals world, almost always the god would be the overpowering force. When he thought of this he found the only option that could work. Mortals could not defeat this force, but that did not mean nothing could defeat it.


Barakushiak started chanting. His face was almost glowing and sweat was pouring off his brow. He shut out everything else and just repeated the same phrase over and over again,


“Alluwen save me! Alluwen protect me! Two forces in life, Good and Evil. One is the better, that must prevail!”


The volume of his voice grew louder and louder as the waves grew stronger and stronger. Within minutes almost all the ship was underwater. Everyone panicked even more. The amount of people on the ship was dropping rapidly, they were all disappearing into the deep and violent sea. Barakushiak took no notice. He kept his eyes shut and kept chanting at the very top of his voice, he needed Alluwen to listen to him.


Suddenly white flash lit the sky and everything became blank, time stopped. Barakushiak felt as though his mind had been cleared, everything became simple, everything became blank. There was no noise, no screams, and no pain. He could not feel the water that by now must have nearly completely consumed him.

A few moments later he heard a faint voice echoing through his head:


“Barakushiak. All is up to you. You must know that deep within you I shall always stay. You must defeat him. I will grant you strength; just have confidence within yourself and within me.”


He could feel something grow deep within himself, a power, a new found strength. He immediately knew who the voice was, who had performed this miracle. Alluwen had listened to him, and certainly answered his prayers.





Before Barakushiak could answer Alluwen he was lying on an icy shore, writhing in pain. His body was covered in cuts, bruises and general pain. The ice stung as if it was salt rubbing into his body. His mind however was fine, he could still remember what happened. He remembered how Alluwen rewarded him. He slowly got up but as he did his wounds seemed to disappear, after a few minutes he was feeling completely fine.


He had no idea at all as to what had happened to his crew, but he just hoped they were safe. He looked everywhere around him but all he could see was the palace at the centre of the island. He walked briskly towards the palace, always keeping an eye out for his men. One thing was for sure, at least for the meantime he was on his own, but he would not give up. The only thing he could hear was the crunch of the ice with every step he took. Every once in a while he saw a tree, but not often at all. As he walked he continued to mutter something under his breath thanking Alluwen for guiding him thus far.


He hoped that as he searched across the small island he would meet the others, he knew that they would be here, somewhere. Where? He did not know.


Before he knew it he was standing at the foot of the black castle. One moment it was a small figure in the distance but know it was the only thing he could see, as it towered high above him. Now he had to find an entrance.


He peered round one of many corners of the castle and immediately saw a large rectangular metal door. Standing in front of the door as guards were two beasts that Barakushiak had never seen or heard of before. They were each roughly 8 feet tall, but as thin as an average human. Their skin was a deep, dark blood red that sagged of the thin beasts bodies. Neither of them were armed, as they had knife like hands that were as hard as any metal. He did not know how to pass through this door; he did not know what theses creatures were capable of.



At the moment this chapter is a bit short for the amount of action it it, so I may pad it out a bit more, but I felt I should post it as I havent for a while. Enjoy :o

Edited by evilmangopie

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