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cho-yun

Cho-yun's Story

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The curse of the castle

 

It was a stormy night, rain drops were falling like a stones as if miniature meteors fell from heaven, upon the castle the king fell. It was the mighty King Vermor, he has fallen in sleep but when Lord Vermor came, to take the throne, a horrible cry came.

“All who dares steps inside thy’s castle, all will perish.â€

Thus there was no further king but the wail of the old king.

From that day forward anyone who came near, would hear the same cry and the person would never come near again. Years have past since the king died and still no one dared step inside. It was when two men heard of lost treasure till the castle was once breach again, but the poor souls lost there life as the time was near, for the greed overcame the power of fear and thus was killed. Many foolish people when towards the castle and were slaughter. It was then Lord Vermor fought the battle of his farther ghost. Though he did, he never came back. Rumour spread and wide and far but only fools dared step into the keep.

 

Four young boys were playing in the maze, never knowing what’s on the other side, one named Sora another called James who’s friends is know as Alex and Adam. All was about 10. Alex was the youngest and James the oldest. Sora had brown sandy hair and brown eyes, his top was yellow with black trousers, boots were as black as leather can be. Alex and Adam look the same brown hair, blue eyes and chubby cheeks. They both wore a yellow top and black legging. James was plumed and big, his eyes were green and he had black hair. He wore his white top and trousers. They were playing like wildly till they saw the castle tip. They stopped and walked closer to it.

“What do you think is inside?†started one

“Donno still we go in†replied another

“Well I hope we not getting into trouble†came a twin

“Why will we get in to trouble it’s a castle, Knight and guards should be in there†replied the other twin

“Well,†said Sora “could this be the castle, Vermor castle?â€

“Well there one way to find out lets go†James replied with no hesitation.

 

As they entered shivers crawled up their spines, creek were made with every step, all but James’ back hair sticked up on end. Skeletons roamed every corner of the room and gargoyles were placed in some unusually places.

“Awesome castle.†James Shouted and his voice echo though out the room.

“I don’t like this guys there’s too many skeletons†said a twin

“And I don’t like where tough’s gargoyles are positioned†said the other.

“Oh your just chickens you two†snared James

“We are not.†The twins protested.

“You are two brak brrakk chickensâ€

Sora ignored them arguing and started to explored the room. Placed in a corner was a switch, a lever to be precise “I wonder what that dose?†he said to himself. Suddenly something pushed him and his three friends got trapped by a cage which came from nowhere.

“Help,†Shouted James “I don’t wanna die, HELP!!!â€

“Who’s the chicken now.†said the twins.

“Sora you got to find a way to get us out, you just gotta†Alex called

“Ok just wait there†Sora called back and rushed off

“Like there’s anywhere we can go†Adam said

“I hope he hurries, I need to go†James cried. The twins started to back away.

Meanwhile in the treasure room. Laid Lord Vemor injured and disorientated, till he hear a crash he awoken “Oh no someone’s in here†He cried.Sora went though room after room looking for switches. From 1st room, cell-room but when he reached the area with no floor. He then heard a voice which came out of no where,

“Who’s there†he shouted by there was no replied.

This place creeps me out,he thought.

Groans and wails came, suddenly the gargoyles and the skeletons twitched and shook, the sound came louder and louder. All the gargoyles that stood before him rose, red covered they’re eyes, a white mist filled the air and then it got cold. I got to get out of here, Sora kept saying but the gargoyles blocked him. The only way to go was into the darkness. He hesitated but the things kept getting closer, hands started to sharpen, then the skeletons rose with the same glowing eyes. They got to striking point. This is it... Jump young one if you want to live… Sora looked behind him but there wasn’t anyone in site. With his backed turned to them a gargoyle strikes Sora and he fell, to him darkness covered him. Meanwhile in the cage James was jumping up and down like a frog leaping over a few fences, Adam was trying to break the cage while Alex was observing the gargoyles and skeletons…they flinched.

 

"Wake up kid. Kid wake up… WAKE UP!!!!" Lord Vermor found Sora laying on the food with a cut though his back but he was too weak himself to get him to his father’s first aid room he only had one bandage and a BR (body respiration) If only if this kid turns over and sits up. A few hours later Sora woke up bandaged and feels ready to move on but a question rang though his head, Who bandaged me, Lord Vermor then came back then came with a few bandages and more cuts on his arm.

“So your finally awake kid, you been out a quite a while. Lord Vermor said a hint of a laugh.

“Who are you and where am I?†Sora shouted

“I am Lord Vermor, you’re in the treasure room but I moved all the treasure. Who are you?â€

“I’m Sora. I came here with my friends and….MY FRIENDS…Did you find them sir.â€

“If you mean the three children in the cage… I got them out but still you shouldn’t be here, haven’t you heard of the curse.â€

“You mean the curse of the… this is Kings Vermor castle!â€

“Ah but the curse is more like a haunting, I think the king is missing something but I can’t get to his Tomb room to it, so I can’t help him. People say that someone with out his blood will die instantly but you lasted the fall and the cut. You must have some of his blood but then I don’t you do have the blood. If I can just find a way to his tomb and it just might break the curse.â€

“But Lord Vermor what about the gargoyles and the skeletons out there. You’ll be killed. I want to come with you.â€

“You can’t Sora you might die too. Too many people died cause of my father. I can’t risk anymore unless…you can wield a sword and use bandages.

“I’ll try Sirâ€

The two went off in search of the room but round every corner Gargoyles leaped out.

“Sora, one blow to the head or strike the chest should do itâ€

One strike at the point made the gargoyle crack and shiver, a red glow surrounded the crack and then it burst in pieces. A loud wail filled the castle and the three friends outside jumped. They scamper to escape the island of the keep. All tree dead mud everywhere.

 

“Lord Vermor I found something, I found a crown†The crown was decorated with jewels of the fines types from sharpies to diamonds, the words on the inside said “King Vermor, King of the castleâ€. Vermor followed the voice to a dead-end and looked at Sora.

“What are you doing here Sora you’re a sitting duck.â€

“But look at the touches one on and ones off could that be the passage to his tomb?â€

“There’s only on way to find out†Lord Vermor reached for the touch but was stuck. Out round the corner shadows came.

“Lord Vermor the gargoyles are coming.â€

“I’m trying I’m……â€

The touch lowered and the wall swung round. They were in the room of the Kings Tomb.

“MY CROWN GIVE ME MY CROWN†Wailed the Ghost

Lord Vermor placed the crown into the tomb and a burst of Light fills the castle. Life sprang from the garden trees and blossoms grew. Sora fell unconscious and Vermor smiled, spoke a few words and carried Sora home. That night when Sora woke up he thought he dreamt it all but when he touches the scar on his back he knew it all was true for only the scar proved it.

 

A few days pasted and the coronation of the new king came and once again peace and glory came back to the forbidden castle.

 

BY Cho-Yun

Edit: few errors done and addings

Edited by cho-yun

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Spelling and Flow will have somewhat something to say with how your story will be judged. I recommend you reread your story outloud and make sure it flows correctly. Its not a bad idea to run it through a spellchecker too :) Just a few I caught, not all of them.

 

It was a stormy night, rain drops were falling like a stone,

How about.

It was a stormy night, rain drops were falling like stones,

Or

It was a stormy night, rain drops were falling like hundreds of stones from the sky,

Im not sure what you were trying to portray here. Might want to clean it up a bit.

 

One more that kind of bugged me

“You can’t Sora you might die too. Too many people died cause of my farther. I can’t risk anymore unless…you and wield a sword and use bandages.

 

cause rather than because is up to you, this person might use cause instead of because.

farther > father (spell checker would not catch it)

 

This is what I mean about read outloud :blink: Read this to yourself, let me know if it sounds good to you.

"you and wield a sword and use bandages"

 

Good Work! Really enjoyed it.

Edited by EWQ222

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