Llamathist Bible Creation/chat

[Tumaros]

Ok, since I can't be ingame (poorman on, everything off, console mode, still a 2 minute delay in text...MEH!), here's an open thread for creating the Llamathist Bible. If you are not a llamathist and post here w/ideas, it will probably be ignored. Unless of course the Deli Llama MikeH likes it, in which case it will probably be deleted and ignored.

 

Well, let's get started, fruitcakes!

[MikeH]

ok for people who can help with this are

 

me

tuma

fishem (if he ever shows up again =( )

tiras

yoshi

slayton

vart

 

first thing we need is the commandments!

[vartican]

1) must kill at least 3 kittens a day (llamathist must be in good health )

[Tumaros]

Ten of course...

 

#10 Thou shalt not kill kittens on Forkday.

 

(Forkday is an annual holiday held on the 26th of September when the great Fork Genocide began to wipe out those who believed there was a fork. It was a great day for our kind and we will honor thy furry friends during that day)

 

After this bible is written up, do you want me to make an online version? :lol:

[MikeH]

2) Always brush teeth before and after meals

3) Though shall not speaketh against teh llama in all his awesomeness

4) Though shall not believe in the grue and his lagginess

[Tumaros]

#9 Thou shalt not speak of or imitate Bob-spawned Alpacas.

 

(Bob is the Alpaca lord, once an evil llama who stole one of our kind, Spitephone (spit-teh-fun-ee), took her to his underground domain and forced her to eat the seeds of a Pomegranate, causing the season of winter when Spitephone's mother mourned...they also embarked upon the beauty of sexual activity and spawned a demon son...the first alpaca...alpacas are evil)

 

 

Four more...

[vartican]

3)never wear a matching pair of socks(symmetry is the mark of the grue)

[MikeH]

5) ALways follow the teachings of the llama scriptures

[Tumaros]

#17(??) Respect the Deli Llama. When he calls for silence, be quiet. When he calls for your attention, pay attention to him. When he calls for order, order pizza.

 

 

 

 

AND THE LAST COMMANDMENT, THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL...

 

 

#666 There is no fork!

 

 

 

 

We need some sort of handshake/symbol/etc. I.e. my "signature" looks like a tongue (it's a T with a really long top line, and a J curved around it...TJ = intitals)

 

 

And we need to replace the kittens one, as mikeh says, teaching/following...ideas?

[MikeH]

haha ok so we have

 

#1 Kill three kittens a day

#2 brush teeth before and after meals for maximum shinyness

#3 dont badmouth us

#4 the grue sucks

#5 no mactching socks

#6 follow the teachings

#8 respect Mikeh

#9 there is no fork

 

 

now one more

 

those other two tuma, arent commandments, but teachings ;D

[MikeH]

ok last one is

 

#10 always hug a llama when comes an encounterment

 

ok NOW we start the scriptures

 

we start with the beginning of the world

[Tumaros]

Hehehe...idea

 

llama points

 

Do something like hugging a llama...mebbe just following the commandments...and extordinary application of the rules and basically being a good boy u get a button that says like "I follow the llama" or "llamas r0x" w/e...could be a sig/avvy

 

 

First of all, this is the structure of typical Llama society:

Teh Llama (God)

Eugene + Priscilla ("Prissy")

Frukas + Biff

The First Llamathist (that's his name...)

Llamathists (subdivided into: Deli Llama, Llama Priests, etc....figure out more later)

Winkies (farmers)

Wonkies (peasants + commoners)

 

 

In the beginning, there was a black hole. One day, the black hole burped. Out came Teh Llama. Teh Llama floated around in the dark vaccuum of space for many a millenia. Teh Llama had many powers, but he didn't know what to do with them. He began to wonder...and he had ideas. First he created balls to play with. It was fun. Then he grew lonely, so he created the first living being, and designed it after his own image. He called this creature a llama, and decided to name him Eugene. However, the black hole was not happy with Eugene, and one day when Teh Llama was playing with his balls, he sucked most of Eugene's matter away, leaving behind only a 1/10000000th scale llama. He then threw Eugene onto one of the balls. Teh Llama returned to find that Eugene was missing. Instead of getting mad, he had another inugeniousenable idea. After he turned the black hole inside out, he used it as a megaphone-type hearing aid, listening for Eugene's cries. He found him on one of the balls and they talked.

 

(senseless paragraph break)

 

Eugene told Teh Llama that he was bored. So Teh Llama created the Kitten. Eugene had some fun with his masculine appendage, which he nicknamed "Roberto"

 

Then Eugene said was lonely on this ball. He tried talking to Roberto, but it was rather foolish to talk to one's own masculine appendage. Teh Llama told Eugene that he would create a friend, but he'd have to borrow Eugene's left buttock. So, after much painful pain and painfulness, Priscilla was born from Eugene's Left Buttock (this is capitalized, for many statues and monuments have been made of Eugene's Left Buttock) Eugene, tired of killing kittens on his own, realized that Priscilla had a hole that was made just for Roberto.

 

Let's not mince words here.

 

Frukas was created. Frukas was the first llama created on this ball (which, by this time, Teh Llama had named "Dennis" for unknown reasons as of yet.

 

Eugene and Prissy (his cutesy pet name for her) weren't done yet tho. They had yet to create condums, so on their second try...GUESS WHAT!

 

Bob was created. And there was much celebration.

 

Bob and Frukas did not like each other. They fought, as brothers do (not to be confused with Llamathist Brothers (capital such as ourselves). One night, when Eugene and Prissy were chasing each other around a stump (there wasn't much else to do in Those Days), Bob tricked Frukas into eating a piece of pie (the origins of Pie is as of yet unknown), telling him that it would bring him great power. It was apple pie. The black hole's pie. Frukas had been warned by Teh Llama that if he ate pie, the llamas would resurrect the Black Hole and they would all be thrown into a time of great darkness (Read--Eternal Lands: Dark Shadow). However, Bob was a tricky one, and after much coaxing forced Frukas to eat the pie.

 

The Age of Darkness and Pie began.

[MikeH]

i think vart left to go kill some kittens

[Tumaros]

Actually, I'm outta here

 

First of all, kittens

 

Secondly, I'm actually tired, so...you guys can continue with the bible, or we can leave off around here, up to you.

 

 

Btw: kitten owners...if your kitten suddenly drops down, motionless...

 

 

My apologies

[MikeH]

*let me and tuma do the beginnings, then everyone works on the scriptures, writings and stuff*

 

The Black Hole grew angry he had been woken up and began to suck time. The llama family on the ball noticed things to slow down and referred to it as lag. Frukas blamed it all on bob. After getting a timeout from Eugene, bob decided to run away from his family. The black hole saw bob and all his anger and thought he could use him to carry out his evil plans against Teh Llama who dissaproved of the lag. So bob yelled and yelled and teh Black Hole heard this and decided to move into bob. Bob with his new powers, renamed himself the grue, because bob was self concious and didnt think bob was evil enough of a name.

 

 

i have a headache tuma you can add on or i wil ifnish later

[MikeH]

So the Grue (bob+black hole) made his own little lair where he planned to lag all the creatures that Teh Llama would create. And Teh Llama did create more creatures, but first he need more land other than the small island that Eugene and Prissy lived on. So he made another island and inhabited with "rabbits" and "people". The first person created was named Flora, then came granny, and the lonesome bakart who was a loner. These three built up the island and named it first land which later turned into Isla Prima. Then Gilrand came, who was teh first to hunt the bunnies and eat them. Teh Llama thought that the people on the island should acknowledge him, so he gave them teh Holy Well. Also Teh Llama gave them the docks, and the magic thingy that brought them to the other island, and the dreaded "deer". While all this was happening the llamas in the garden island were living happily, another family of llamas had grown and the llama garden grew. The grue saw all of the things that Teh Llama was doing and grew angry so hear began his great "resync" plan.

 

After a week, the grue had his resync magic ready for annoyance, and he started to resync all inhabitants of llama garden and Isla prima. THe beings on both islands were confused and angry and asked Teh Llama what they could do, and Teh Llama told them

 

"All that must be done, is to worship me, As long as thou art faithful, the grues powers shall not reach you and you will be able to powergame and pk without interference of his powers"

 

And the people listened to Teh Llama and started to worship him. But they found themselves in dissaray and didnt know how to worship Him, so an inhabitant of Isla Prima named MikeH recieved a message from Teh Llama, and in the message was

 

[PM from Teh Llama: Mike! You must teach these llamas how to frikin worship me ><]

[PM to Teh Llama: Wha? are you THE LLAMA!?!???]

[PM from Teh Llama: Thats Teh Llama bith]

[PM to Teh Llama: oh sorry]

[PM from Teh Llama: As i was saying, you must go to the top of the mountain and retrieve the commandments!!! Present these to the people and they will be able to worship me!]

[PM to Teh Llama: Alright!!!!}

 

You Joined the n00b help channel

 

[MikeH]: Uh... where is the mountain?

 

and with the directions given to him, he went on the journey to retrieve the commandments from the top of the mountain.

[Aerowind]

As Mike continues his quest towards Mount Shiny llama he runs into teh Frukas and calls out to him "hallo Frukas" Frukas responded "hello fine traveler" "Do u know anything about Mount Shiny llama?" Mike asked Frukas responded "all I know is there is the sacred titanium spork and that's it o yes and teh llama commandments i think..." Mike said to Frukas "hmmm titanium spork... and o yes the llama commandments that's why i am heading there" "ooo so ur headed that way?" Frukas asked "yes. yes i am." Mike responded with glee "Well if u see the titanium spork can u grab it for me???" Frukas asked "uhhhh.... sure i'll see what i can do" So as Frukas and Mike said there goodbyes to each other Mike continued towards Mount shiny llama.

After 3 restless nights he finally approached the sacred mountain and whispered to himself "man this is going to be a bith to climb" as he looked up the steep and treachorous mountain. Mike rested at the mountain's base for the night. When mike woke up he presumably climbed the mountain immediately.

While mike climbed the mountain he saw many flags of where other previous travelers had gotten and Mike thought "man people got here quick teh llama has only been here for a few days" almost immediately after Mike said that a big boulder came tumbling down. Mike just dodged the boulder by a few inches "whew that was close" Mike whispered

Later up mount shiny llama there was almost nothing but barren rocks. as Mike scanned around something klunked him on the head. "Ouch" Mike said with pain as he reached up to see what it was "A spork??" mike questioned himself. He then tapped the spork "titanium..." he said. Mike thought to himself "now what did that Frukas dude say again??" "O yes" "if u see the titanium spork can u grab it for me???" So Mike shooved the spork away in his pocket thinking this might be it and climbed up the mountain.

After a few days Mike finally reached the top of the mountain and looked around. There was nothing up there. Then a swirl came wooshing down in the middle of the mountain and a great llama appeared. Mike asked "teh llama?" teh llama answered his question with a great powerful voice "yes i am teh llama teh great and teh powerful" Mike just stared in awe "u did it my friend and here are the commandments. Now show them to your people to make them believe" Mike grabbed the shiny golden plaque with the 10 llama commandments on it. He repeated them in his head as he looked at each one. Teh llama said "i must leave u now but u will see me again". The great llama figure known as teh llama left about the same way he came as Mike stood there in awe

[ShadowCircuit]

aww you forgot #11 thou shal not speal in moderate tone...

[MikeH]

i dont remember llamabaptzing you

[Aerowind]

I don't think u did... u only llamabaptized about 8 peeps

[MikeH]

nah i did about 30 people

 

now tuma!!! you have the next part of the beginnings

[Aerowind]

*waits impatiently for Tuma to come*

[Tumaros]

Dont need to wait for me to come...i do it at least 3 times a day...

[Aerowind]

Tuma.... just continue the beginning

[jjk]

exuse me?? but, who was the third llamaist?!!