Another 50 things to Do.

[giannis]

Well, the majority of you (being students and all) can't try these to see how much fun they are. However, if you are a teacher or a professor (and some of you are), or even if you are planning to become a teacher or proffesor (you are sick, but anyhow), then have these in your mind and try them the First day of class.

 

 

 

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling

noises.

2. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for

attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday

was the last day to drop.

3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and

scream "MY PACEMAKER!"

4. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding

crop.

5. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a

student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

6. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you

a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor

can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".

7. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand

them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the

lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"

8. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their

responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book

while muttering "tsk, tsk".

9. Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird".

10. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class

whether your butt looks fat.

11. Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.

12. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus

class. Giggle throughout it.

13. Announce "you'll need this", and write the suicide prevention

hotline number on the board.

14. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all

questions.

15. Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Brown's "Sex

Machine."

16. Ask occassional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps

would know" and move on before anyone can answer.

17. Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone

book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.

18. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of

you as you pace back and forth.

19. Address students as "worm".

20. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a

single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at

any moment.

21. Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin

singing spirituals.

22. Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a

waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.

23. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's

name, rank, and serial number.

24. Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and

announce that the lecture's over when the bottle's done.

25. Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a

question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.

26. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space

for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your

sentence and proceed normally.

27. Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone

asks a question, turn in their direction and make throttling

motions with your hands.

28. Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.

29. Growl constantly and address students as "matey".

30. Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers

and ask students to "sit back and groove".

31. Announce that last year's students have almost finished their

class projects.

32. Inform your English class that they need to know Fortran and code

all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.

33. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers

McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question,

walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"

34. Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".

35. Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base

11 number system. Use a complicated symbol you've named after

yourself in place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students

who don't use it.

36. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular

intervals.

37. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the

teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and

office hours.

38. Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you

lecture.

39. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.

40. Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks"

every ten minutes.

41. Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or

"fake the funk".

42. Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and

deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.

43. Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral

hygiene.

44. Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be

required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1,

Aardvark through Armenia, for next class.

45. Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet.

Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.

46. Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your

tie.

47. Warn students that they should bring a sack lunch to exams.

48. Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.

49. Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to

keep their distance for their own safety and mutter something

about "that bug I picked up in the field".

50. Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you

pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!"

[roren]

lol, my teacher did #2 last year :lol:

 

watch out for a few of these, ive seen other ppl's teacher do them

Edited July 6, 2005 by roren

[ssjgohan]

*laughs*

 

 

 

 

*still laughing*

 

 

 

*still busy laughing*

 

 

hahahaha i'll post comments hahahaha another time hahaha

[Mr.Mind]

My teacher did number 48.

[Tanyia]

Giannis, this is by far the funniest list so far IMO...I teach 4th graders as a teaching assistant, and I can seriously imagine walking into class and doing some of these. My word, this was hilarious!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Wytter]

I loved #32 (both in base 10 and 11)

[warmastermage]

#3 and #12 are hilarious the almost fell out of my chair laughing