Jump to content


Photo

Forest Of The Fall


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 Horth

Horth

    Beaver

  • Members
  • 87 posts
  • Location:3rd Planet From Sun

Posted 09 December 2004 - 02:52 AM

I am horrible at writing stories, but I wanted to try something, please dont flame :ph34r:
---------------------------------------------------------
Forest of the Fall

The End is Near...
It was late at night as the people of the Forest of the Fall woke up from a loud noise. It sound like a thousand of horses heading their way. The sound came closer and closer, it became louder and louder. On that day the town in the Forest of the Fall was doomed.....

Before the End:
The people of the Forest of the Fall were a friendly community, serving Lord Vemor and helping out Lakeside Village, Grahm's Village and White Stone City. Forest of the Fall was best known for their diamons and their abundance of flowers, which gave them most of the money to build on their small town. The town started at the Elvaro Mountains and up to Tarsengaard. It was not a very protected town, due to the fact that they never were in war before. They one outpost at the entrance and exit out of the Elvaro Mountains. The Elvaro Mountains was also a main reason of their sucess in the small isolated corner. Other then their flowers, the people have a close by Diamond Mine, were most of the male workers worked. The town was a very religious area, they had one temple were they had cerenomies every day around noon. They would collect all the different types of flowers and place it in water at the temple. Mostly only the woment would do that, since the men were working on in the diamond mine, and the only males around were the 6 knights that stood guard at the temple. Children stayed home at and their mother taught them the basics and their father showed the skill of mining, so they could pass on their job to the sons. The daughters would become the mothers job, learning all about the flowers and woshiping their Flower God. This was the basic life of the people of the Forest of the Fall, till the rampage of Goblins came...

The Demise:
The Demise of the people in the Forest of the Fall came at night when the goblins came and overtook the small town. The golbins heard of the Diamond riches in the Mountains, and wanted to take control over the town. Since the town only had 6 real knights it was easily taken over. That was only the least of the worries. The goblins did not want Lord Vemor hear of this disaster so they slew everone. They hung everyone, wifes, fathers, children onto the trees. Burned down their houses and destroyed their holy temple. No one know from this day were the goblins came from, some people believe they came throw Tarsengaard, other believe they came from Tirnym. All the people know from this day on that the trees of the forest cry for the townspeople who died a horrible death. This is why it was called "The Forest of the Fall"

#2 crusadingknight

crusadingknight

    Feran

  • Members
  • 2103 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:/usr/local/bin/rc, Belnan
  • Interests:Eternal Lands, AI Programming, D/C/Ruby Programming, Game and Integrated Interpreter Programming.

Posted 09 December 2004 - 10:50 PM

Just a few spelling errors...
But, just a little comment: 6 knights is a lot, since a knight is not only a lord, but has a total of 30 men-at-arms each... so you'd have 180 men-at-arms, not to mention the 6 knights. That's a lot in a small town.
But, I think it's a great history overall. :lol:

Edited by crusadingknight, 09 December 2004 - 10:51 PM.


#3 Horth

Horth

    Beaver

  • Members
  • 87 posts
  • Location:3rd Planet From Sun

Posted 09 December 2004 - 10:56 PM

Hmmm, with knight i meant one of those full amored dudes. Since theres a small space with 6 collums and a fountain in the middle. But what a funny mistake by me :lol:

Thx, for the feedback

#4 Ravenod

Ravenod

    Ancient Lich

  • Members
  • 353 posts
  • Location:Here and there
  • Interests:This and that

Posted 27 December 2004 - 04:08 AM

I think it's a fine story, it needs a bit of polish but they don't call it a rough draft for nothing ;) If you like, Horth, add a bit of spice by creating a character, perhaps one of the knights, and detailing what they saw and how they felt when the village was sacked.

I really like the format, too, it has a lot of potential to be a character driven story.
By that I mean that even though the reader knows what happens at "the end" already, we still want to read it because we have developed a relationship with that character.

A name for the village would help as well :)
gj :D

#5 Horth

Horth

    Beaver

  • Members
  • 87 posts
  • Location:3rd Planet From Sun

Posted 31 October 2005 - 01:14 PM

Heh, I cant believe my story is still in the forum .. its been such a long time since I wrote it ---> Dec 8 2004, 09:57 PM

Hehe, thx to all that read it :)

#6 belgianwarrior

belgianwarrior

    Beaver

  • Members
  • 85 posts
  • Location:BELGIUM,BELGICA PRIMA

Posted 05 November 2005 - 09:52 PM

i think what you mean is a paladin,correct?

#7 sparhawk

sparhawk

    Gargoyle

  • Members
  • 1913 posts
  • Location:Ontario,Canada
  • Interests:Swimming.

Posted 05 November 2005 - 10:12 PM

Lol i dont want to act like a newb by talking about an old story but it is good.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users