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Maryn

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Posts posted by Maryn

  1. Posted · Report reply

    Yu Yu is one of those kick bash scream demon fighting animes. It's almost as old as me, but the story line and the characters are just so likeable... Chances are you'd like it too, not about ninjas but Yusuke is hilarious and loveable. :)Plenty of good fighting scenes and whatnot... and the writer married the writer of Sailor Moon! :P

     

    </end fangirl rant>

     

    I have to say though, my favourite Naruto episode is where they try to see what's underneath Kakashi's mask... Good fun. ^^

  3. Posted · Report reply

    You haven't personally done anything wrong against me, but I have heard from some of my friends about incidents with you.

    However, I am really glad you've apologised and as has been said before, it will take some time for people to learn to trust you, but you have taken the right step. :D

    I guess I just wanted to give you some encouragement. ^^

  6. Posted · Report reply

    I used to be an old time Runescape player. I started in about 2001 then left the game for extended periods of time. I think it's pretty different from EL though, it's so much easier to play and get rich IMO and that's not necessarily a good thing. Everyone walks around in full rune (I never played on a p2p server xD) and I don't see that happening anytime soon here with dragon armours. Yes, you have tele and a pk server but RS is just... Crowded. And spammy. The setting's so different and... Y'know?

     

    Trust me, there is nothing more awkward than being a girl irl, having a male char in RS and having this happen to you...

    Girl: Hey sexi. Wanna b mi bf?

    Me: I'm a girl.

    Girl: Take off helm.

     

    I took myself off pretty quickly after that. :D

  17. Posted · Report reply

    11- Saint

    12- Prophet

    13- Impowered Prophet

    14- Unircorn

    15- Martyr

     

    Isn't a martyr somone who died for there faith and a saint is a person who has gone through the 3 stages of (forgotten what is was called) and then deemed a saint by the Pope. I just personally think if your going to advertise yourself as a christain guild, you should not use sacred terms in incorrect ways and should be setting the example for other christain players.

     

    Arrow

     

    I don't think the names for the guild ranks are intentionally blasphemous, if you keep it in perspective with the game.

     

    Personally, I think God would be pleased people are willing to speak out and proclaim their faith openly. Which is setting the example for other Christian players, no?

     

    And God bless, good luck with CoL. Too bad I'm much too in love with mine to leave. :/

  22. Posted · Report reply

    Hey Anna,

     

    Sorry for the late reply, I haven't checked here for awhile...

     

    But, thank you! Any critism is great, sometimes you just don't see parts of the story that may be confusing, so yeah it is really helpful. :D

     

    So;

     

    "..antagonizing tendrils" - did you mean agonizing ?

     

    I thought I might try a different spin on pain, as if it's there to irritate you rather than be fully 'agony'.

     

    "..sustained them and their upkeep" - both sustain and upkeep mean essentially the same thing, maintain or maintenance

     

    I guess I should change that, teehee.

     

    "..resulting in an angry elf who stumbled around like the dead" -how do the dead stumble around? and this paragraph and the next have her moving from anger to fear to guilt, what is she really feeling?

     

    I was thinking, since this is a fantasy story I can't really talk about zombies... That part, I was being silly and trying to show another bit of ordinary-ness- the inability of most people to get up elegantly and happily in the morning- she's just angry at getting up, then she remembers the night before- then she feels guilty about not helping her Mum.

     

     

    "..the same swathes of hair" - a swath is a mowed strip...is her hair shorn next to her face?

     

    LOL! I though 'swathe', as in a swathe, drape of cloth.

     

    "..take my mother and I here" - bring?

     

    Ah, probably.

     

    "Intrigued, nervous and devastatingly curious she touched the edge of the crowd..." - intrigued and curious are essentially the same, and devastatingly? maybe overwhelmingly, which is an alternate meaning but devastate calls to mind destruction to me..."she touched the edge" - reached the edge perhaps?

     

    Well, devastatingly curious- as in dangerously curious, curiousity killed the cat? I will probably edit that out, I can see how that's confusing though.

     

    "Armour, shields and strangely glowing weapons and all the two humans paced...." - is there a word missing? I'm not sure what you were trying to say with this sentence.

     

    Maybe, 'With armour, shields and strangely glowing weapons, the two humans paced'.

     

    "She couldn't figure out why her attention was drawn onto the older..." - drawn to? the older, and if his hair is the same as hers, "odd, unique and extremely unnatural" then this seems hard to believe.

     

    ".. a dazed elf was left between the hordes of dissipating men and she was left to survey the arena..." - was left repetitious.

     

    "..awkwardness crackled in the air between her.." - between them?

     

    I think I will change all that, =D.

     

    "Disaster." - seems out of place, what was the disaster?

     

    When she revealed her non-pointed ears, but I guess that was a bit dramatic.

     

    "..the weary face of the older man.." - previously he was described "..his recent battle didn't seem to have curbed his energy or his pace", seems incongruous. Maryn then seems to have walked away from her father to overhear Uwe and her mother discussing her, but it is not clear.

     

    Ah, I see! Yeah, those first two things are discrepancies and I will change them, and I will try to rewrite the ending so it is clearer- she does walk away and eavedrop on her Mum and Uwe.

     

    It definately is a beginning, and thanks again for the feedback, I'll edit the beginning and hopefully get a 3rd part up soon.

     

    Maryn.

     

    _____

     

    Hey Enly,

     

    It very much is the start of a spiel! Yeah, it is too short to be a stand alone so I better get writing, lol.

     

    Thank you heaps for reading and the encouragement ;).

     

    Maryn.

  25. Posted · Report reply

    Hey Phil,

     

    First of all, I appreciate your reading and replying to this hugely :P. I'll try to address those questions in the next part, I have a strange feeling this is going to turn into an epic but oh well. Maryn's character... Is a little naive and innocent right now but I'll find out a way to round up explanations and have abit more plot development.

     

    I've edited out the doubling, thanks for pointing it out! I guess it's brainstorming time now.

     

    Maryn.

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