Ogle Report post Posted May 5, 2005 (edited) And then, as the wolves closed in, Gambrion knew that he was in trouble, deep trouble. He had been running from this pack for days. Suddenly he noticed a flash of grey and the wolves all attacked. Suddenly there were two flashes of green and the lead wolf and his mate lay dead in the snow. The rest of the wolves ran in panic. Gambrion managed to gasp, “Who are you?†He saw a face in the trees and then it disappeared. Many months had passed since that incident and Gambrion was running a successful general store in the valley of the dwarves. However, he still had dreams of that episode and he wondered all the time, whose face it had been. One day a mysterious stranger came into the tavern asking for a pickaxe. Gambrion knew most of the people who went to his store and this fellow wasn’t one of them. He started to examine the pickaxe and then walked up to Gambrion, saying; very cryptically, “I know who the face was, meet me behind the Tavern across the way at midnight and I will lead you too him.†“O, and bring a weapon and armor.†Gambrion, though he was wary of the stranger, did what he told him to. You see, he really wanted to know who the face was, it seemed urgent to him, somehow. He saw the stranger and greeted him quietly. They walked towards Mortos’ temple. Gambrion knew the way very well, he had often trod the same path. As they reached the doors, he watched as the stranger actually walked inside. He hesitated a moment, then walked inside. As they continued along, they began to see much ivy. Suddenly the stranger disappeared. Gambrion wondered what was going on when the strange walked out of the ivy (or so it seemed), he said, “Through here.†They continued until they came to a stone wall. The stranger spoke some words, Gambrion could feel the power in them. He walked into a room and felt, not saw, a presence sitting on the throne. A powerful, loud voice said, “IT WAS I WHO YOU SAW THAT DAY IN THE FOREST!†Gambriel shuddered and wondered what the being, who he was now sure was Mortos, the god of death, wanted with him. He told him, “I WILL CALL ON YOU AT A LATER TIME, FOR NOW GO BACK TO YOUR STORE AND WATCH OVER THE CITY FOR ME.†“I WILL GIVE YOU IMMORTALITY SO THAT YOU CAN STAND THERE FOREVER!†“EVERYONE WILL KNOW YOUR NEW NAME: MICHAEL†(Is that long enough?) who is fast I am fast Edited May 5, 2005 by Ogle Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Quinticus Report post Posted May 6, 2005 Just barely long enough 31 sentences = 6 paragraphs (of 5 sentences each) and one sentence. Your post has been noted. Thank you for your entry! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeone3000 Report post Posted May 9, 2005 Some things you might want to change: Suddenly he noticed a flash of grey[] and the wolves all attacked. -- flash of grey, and [suddenly] there were two flashes of green and the lead wolf and his mate -- There were two flashes (one suddenly in a row is enough) and then walked up to Gambrion, saying[;] very cryptically, -- saying, very cryptically, “[O], and bring a weapon and armor.†-- Oh, and You see, he really wanted to know who the face was[p,] it seemed urgent to him, -- the face was. It seemed Gambrion knew the way very well,[] he had often trod the same path.-- well, as he (alternitivly, very well; he had) Gambrion wondered what was going on when the [strange] walked out -- the stranger walked some words[,] Gambrion could -- some words. Gambrion could Format: The stuff inside the brackets is the specific, with the fragment for context, and if I had more than one, the seconed one is between colons. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
