themuntdregger

Troll, troublemaker and general thorn in the arse of EL moderation.

The tale of Don Susje del Falso

Oh Don Susje del Falso was a twat.

Who in his parents basement sat.
And tried to write an electronic letter
Where the reading light was better,
Twas a spam mail from Don Falso!

“Buy my gc” spammed the twat,
I'm so honest, nice and fat.
There is not a sweeter deal,
It's really quite an awesome steal
I take bitcoin said Don Falso

 

Don Falso rubbed his hands in glee
And counted bitcoins on his knee
Until a punter in a flap
Fell into his crafty trap
“Ay Caramba! ” cried Don Falso.

 

And then the Modsquad hurried round
To mystify, amaze, and to astound
And to stop the little scammer,
When they hit him with their big banhammer
Oh they busted poor Don Falso.

So they locked him in the mod room bare
And then shaved off all his pubic hair
Oh he was even far less merry,
When Burn tried to pop his cherry,
Almost the the ending of Don Falso

 

But soon Radu became aware,
That Don Falso had a talent rare
Oh a very special talent
Though it wasn't very gallant
Run the EL shop, Don Falso!

 

 

Once upon a time in Lands Eternal

there lived a creature so infernal

its deeds too foul and numerous to rank

to which its reputation sank

 

with scant regard to all opinion

of those who ruled that small dominion

till those in charge were so appalled

a meeting of the land was called

 

dutifully did the people gather

to let the usual gobshites blather

and exercise their ego's fragile

upon the minds of those less agile

 

until the icy queen that ruled the land

controlling all with iron hand

gazed from aloft her ivory tower

down upon the feckless shower

 

and when her patience finally gave

she muted all with just one wave

and then as hard as she was able

banged her banstick on the table

 

then sitting on her padded throne

commanded all in husky tone

I hereby declare the creature banned

from everywhere throughout the land

 

so quickly were the borders closed

that no one really had supposed

that all it took was just one chink

about which none had caused to think

 

and so the creature gained an entry

sneaking past the guard and sentry

pursuing all with sharpened claws

to fit within its crooked jaws

 

bit by bit the tension grew

the good folk knew not what to do

until at last a message sour

was sent unto the ivory tower

 

the queen put on her best pink armour

with thought of quelling all the drama

and placed her banstick in her holster

in hope to everyone's confidence bolster

 

then clanking in her pink iron suit

she waddled off to track the brute

following the smell of ego's rotted

until his lair was duly spotted

 

but alas the queen soon learned

the hideous beast was unconcerned

yawning as he slowly woke

and then to her he gently spoke

 

actually you look like cute

posing in your pink iron suit

and then he added with a snigger

even though it makes your ass look bigger

 

the icy queen flushed brightly red

and raised her banstick to his head

then realising with a frown

alas the batteries had run down

 

and finding that the door had locked

realised her escape was blocked

and cursing at her lack of wit

silently exclaimed 'oh sh*t'!

 

the creature continued 'little girl'

why not give us one last twirl

then just remove your pretty armour

so to avoid unsightly drama

 

so with her options looking moot

she stripped down to her birthday suit

but hardly even dared to peek

not having shaved in near 6 week

 

and remembering with some contrition

appts missed with her beautician

not to mention gross distortions

added to her ample portions

 

but as she stood there in the buff

the creature said he'd seen enough

and without wishing to be lairy

she was in fact a bit too hairy

 

at least too much for his rare taste

so alas for lunch she'd go to waste

but if she'd shave that undercarriage

he'd gladly take her hand in marriage

 

and maybe later on the quiet

perhaps she'd think about a diet

as no lady should deserve

a backside with such ample curve

 

and so the pair were married duly

promising to always love each truly

unto her he troved his plight

if she wore her armour nice 'n tight

 

so even after they were wed

she wore her armour in the bed

but iron plate was not enough

to stop her ending 'up the duff'

 

for although the queen looked quite fantastic

in her metal prophylactic

the creature was quite skilled at mating

through the gaps in armour plating

 

but when the child finally hatched

its habits with its father matched

so alas the people poor

got even less peace than before

 

and so the point of all this rhyme

to those who didn't take the time

and bother reading all the verse

thinking that it was perverse

 

its simply written for the pleasure

and pointing out in equal measure

the sometimes inconvenient fact

that often opposites can in fact attract

Ballad of the baddo (based on a true story)

The guild sent forth a raiding party.
a band of noobs all hale and hearty,
from Seridia to Idoloran,
to hunt the mighty badoran.

On landing on c2 at night,
afraid of Lenny's vicious bite,
broke out the disengagement rings,
and bows and bolts and swords and things.

And venturing into the shadow,
looking for the lurking baddo,
hours passed while ego's shrunk,
on finding just one lonely skunk.

Then suddenly up piped one brave fighter,
yelled 'i've just found the little blighter',
and so coverged the excited crew,
not really sure what next to do.

But when they gathered around the creature,
common sense did hardly feature,
when one bright spark with arrow alas,
shot the baddo in the ass.

Then having got the brute's attention,
learned the hard way his pretension,
when swallowed in a single bite,
without hardly giving any fight.

The erstwhile comrade's bag was found,
deposited upon the ground,
the helm belonging to the fool
all covered in the baddo's stool.

Then another hero from the hoard,
attacked the baddo with a sword,
the error only to compound,
his death bag ending on the ground.

The remaining warriors bitched and whined,
and tried their strategy to refine,
to come up with a cunning plan,
to kill that erksome badoran.

So hiding behind a graveyard fence,
the remaining few with common sense,
full of hope and some persistance,
ranged the creature from a distance

But after many arrows wasted,
and victory remained untasted,
decided to abort the hunt,
and try a more appealling stunt

So given that their plan unravelled,
back to Killeran Field they travelled,
taking all their bows and arrows,
the pk weenies to shoot and harrow.

But all the young ones were in bed,
and Killeran Field quite nearly dead,
save one old pro half afk,
farming trolls that came his way

So taking matters at their leisure,
they shot him simply for good measure,
and lolled when at last he finally fell,
his cheating ass hauled off to hell.

And finally to this tales conclusion,
just in case there's some illusion,
that chasing baddo is worth the time
or wasting arrows ain't a crime.

In truth your time is better spent,
in things that don't get armor bent,
or expensive crossbows lost or broken
just to get an instance token.

Or whatever baddo's finally yield,
when lying dead upon the field.
So noobs beware and heed this rhyme.
Just stay home and save your time.


Some Good Shit (A poem written about an ancient but typical EL dispute)



I never quite believed, what other players said,
that poor little Caliphear, was right off her head.
So I'll tell you this story, each word of it's true,
just in the event, it should happen to you.

Inferno logged on, with his puter one night,
he looked at his screen, and had quite a fright.
For his guild was deleted, and the members referred,
to a completely new guild, where they'd all been transferred.

The guild store was empty, as alas caliphear,
had stolen the lot, and then disappeared.
He tactfully pm'ed her,and asked "wtf",
for turning his guild, into such a dead duck.

She pm'ed him back, your guild was a fag,
I was also fed up, with all the red tags.
I've found someone else, and i'll give you a clue,
he talks to me dirty, so much better than you.

He's a little bit older, and not such a child,
but his penchant for flaming, is equally wild.
But more to the point, at least he can boast,
that he doesn't get pwned, each time that he posts.

Inferno was shocked, and responded with blame,
"This man is your lover"? now tell me his name ?
She tried to stay calm, but her voice filled with fear,
then she feebly offered, Its Kraken my dear!

Then he took a deep breath, said "don't hit the roof",
but it seems like a good time, for telling the truth.
I'm going to Frisco, to meet up with Zaer,
we're both getting tattoo's, of something bizarre.

We're buying a trailer, and finding a park,
so we can play EL, alone in the dark.
So don't be surprised, that i'm hardly dismayed,
coz the fact of the matter, is I'm really quite gay.

And I'll give you some warning, so you don't get distressed,
the next time you see me, I'll be wearing a dress.
It's easier to lift up, next time that we pass,
to show you the tattoo, right here on my ass.

Its a picture of you, as an ugly old witch,
with words underneath saying, "Don't trust this bitch !"
Don't believe what she says, and don't take her word,
coz most of the stuff, is completely absurd.

So closing this ode, the moral distilled,
is don't let a poontank, in sight of your guild.
if she's got you on ignore, Well then you're in luck,
No need to point out, you don't give a fuck.

 

Ode to Poor Fancy (in memory of Chris Collard)

 

Fancy and Ateh were haters.

Lordy they'd hate all the day.

Fancy called Ateh a fail.

Ateh called Fancy a gai.

 

But Fancy bit off a little bit more.

Than maybe he ought to have done.

When he mistook his cock for a popsicle.

And sucked it until it was gone.

 

And ending up totally dickless

he managed to compound his fail

By stumblin over themuntdregger

And stepping right on to its tail

 

Alas for poor Fancy the creature

Hadn't eaten its dinner that day

And wasn't inclined to be choosy

If its victim was straight or quite gai

 

Then mistaking the cold blooded killer

For something that might be impressed

Poor Fancy waved the stump of his cock

From beneath the frills of his dress

 

themuntdregger eyed up its victim

Grinned and bared all its fangs

Then pounced on the erstwhile dumbass

and its jaws snapped shut with a bang

 

The blood spatter covered the forum

As the dumbass was crushed to a pulp

To the cheers of everyone lolling

As poor Fancy went down in one gulp

 

There wasn't much corpse to be buried

When they'd finished digging the grave

Themuntdregger was asked to the funeral

And politely asked to behave

 

But being a diabolical monster

Not exactly known for its charm

He launched an attack on the widow

And tried to bite off her arm

 

Then he squatted over the graveside

and strained until he'd released

the shit stained remains of a petticoat

Last worn by the deceased.

 

The grieving widow was dumbstruck

Mouth open in complete disbelief

Then she pointed her finger and shouted

Give me the rest you big thief

 

Themuntdregger was stung with indignance

and his displeasure was clearly displayed

When he raised up his ass from the graveside

And let forth a huge cannonade

 

The air was rent with a thunder

And shit stained pieces of cloth

rained on the impertinent widow

as she blown away like a moth

 

Her corpse was found in a field

with her knickers still draped on the hedge

Revealing to all and to sundry

That she was sporting a 'meat and two veg'

 

For what ateh had always suspected

Turned out to actually pass

That Fancy was gai as a troop of girl guides

And liked taking it right up the ass

 

So if you're alone in the forum

and go where the grave is still marked

you might just hear the ghost of poor Fancy

still fapping away in the dark