JohnnyFrog Report post Posted April 20, 2006 Don't know if this belongs here... please move it if there is a more fitting location The Game Displaced, misplaced misfits and malcontents of all colours creeds and tongues. Brought together and forced apart from corners far and near. Strangers in a land at first virtual, but made real by its inhabitants As capable of stirring love, laughter, tears, and hate as real as any Real Life passion. Just a game but made more by its players. And play we do in our hundreds. Open to all yet exclusive Under a God as capricious as he is benevolent. Welcome to the game... Are you ready to play? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lyanna Report post Posted April 21, 2006 Very well done. It's rare to see good poetry here. I like your themes and structure. Would recommend reducing Real Life down to small letters though. It would read slightly better, I think. The capitalization introduces a pause in the phrase which throws off the rhythm. Other than that, it's really good. I especially like your alliteration and wordplay during the first two stanzas. Too bad it couldn't be continued throughout. The themes come across quite strongly too. -Lyn- Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyFrog Report post Posted April 21, 2006 Mmmmm... with regard to your initial comments, please see the reply I posted to The Pk'er. I expected to post these and for them to sink without trace. For this one, the capitals in "Real Life" were instead of EL and cos of the "real" in the line before... Glad you liked it Thank you for the comments Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kat Report post Posted April 22, 2006 Really nice job Johnny, I really liked it Keep on writing! -kat Share this post Link to post Share on other sites