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The Game


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#1 JohnnyFrog

JohnnyFrog

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Posted 20 April 2006 - 05:07 PM

Don't know if this belongs here... please move it if there is a more fitting location

The Game

Displaced, misplaced
misfits and
malcontents of all colours
creeds and
tongues.

Brought together and
forced apart
from corners
far
and near.

Strangers in a land
at first virtual,
but made real
by its
inhabitants

As capable of stirring love,
laughter,
tears,
and hate as real
as any Real Life passion.

Just a game
but made more by
its players.
And play we do
in our hundreds.

Open to all yet exclusive
Under a God as capricious
as he is benevolent.
Welcome to the game...
Are you ready to play?

#2 Lyanna

Lyanna

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Posted 21 April 2006 - 02:34 PM

Very well done. :hehe: It's rare to see good poetry here. I like your themes and structure. Would recommend reducing Real Life down to small letters though. It would read slightly better, I think. The capitalization introduces a pause in the phrase which throws off the rhythm. Other than that, it's really good. I especially like your alliteration and wordplay during the first two stanzas. Too bad it couldn't be continued throughout. The themes come across quite strongly too.

-Lyn-

#3 JohnnyFrog

JohnnyFrog

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Posted 21 April 2006 - 04:26 PM

Mmmmm... with regard to your initial comments, please see the reply I posted to The Pk'er. I expected to post these and for them to sink without trace.


For this one, the capitals in "Real Life" were instead of EL and cos of the "real" in the line before...

Glad you liked it

Thank you for the comments

#4 kat

kat

    Feran

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Posted 22 April 2006 - 11:41 PM

Really nice job Johnny,
I really liked it :blush:
Keep on writing!

-kat




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