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EL news flash: This is your cracker jack EL reporter Ace Jackson. The south western part of White Stone coal cave collapsed sending several member of K&M guild to the underworld.  Guild #NU leap into action and is mounting a rescue mission to try and save the trapped members of K&M.  LOM guild volunteered to help, but spent most of it's time trying to bag jump any contents of the group's bag. Story is developing....

 

*This is a total made up story. No offense is meant to any guild's mentioned. Feel free to add your own "Not necessarily the news" stories of your own.

Edited by RipTide
bad grammer

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Sorry if I offended anyone. :( It was all meant in good fun. Names were changed to protect the innocent.

 

EL news exclusive, Cracker Jack reporter Ace Jackson reporting. During yesterday's intense invasion this news story has surfaced. The feared and most dreaded Day of the Brave had struck. The once fearless guild was left quivering in the Iscalrith tavern.

"How can we dare to face that monster, that bricker." One of them was bemoaning.

"I don't know. I'm just so afraid to even leave the safety of this building." Another one chimed in.

 Stepping off the boat from Irinveron, Stay Puff stood on the dock. Sword in hand and armed to the teeth, he began walking in the direction of the bricker.

Meanwhile, hiding behind a bush, someone spied Puffy standing before the canoe that lead to certain death.

"Puffy turn back," he called.

Not heeding the warning, Puffy stepped onto the boat. The man stood and ran toward the tavern.

The door to the tavern burst open, the man stood in the open doorway.

"My friends, the brave Stay Puff has come to put an end to that terrible bricker."

"We can't let him do this all by himself," one person declaired.

One by one they gathered their arms and exited the bar. By the time they arrived the battle had been raging for some time. The bricker was nearly dead just from the fear of having to face Puffy alone. One by one the members of the guild stepped on the canoe. Just as they launched their attack, Stay Puff hit the bricker with a mighty blow that sent it to nothingness. Puffy stepped off the bag.

"You can have the drop. Just remember who vanquished this foe."

Thus ends the narrative as told to me by the mighty Stay Puff.

Edited by RipTide
edit to remove some names

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Eternal Land News, Ace Jackson reporting. It started out as a seemingly normal No Drop Day, but little did we know that it would end in total mayhem. Enter onto the scene a lady of extreme determination. She knew what she wanted and she was sure going to get it at any cost. Having set her goal on hydrogenium ore, she embarked on a foray that would end it total tragedy.  She brought along the man of her life. He had one job and that was to provide lookout and protection. Passing though the first set of hurdles all was looking promising. The ever present foe seemed to have disappeared. A familiar face appeared ahead. Was he friend or foe? Tensed for battle, Dendar passed by with barely a nod. Our heroine Darrock started to pass by when dastardly Kaddy attacked. Dendar quickly jumped to her aid. The power of Kaddy knocked him away. Turning his attention to Darrock his first blow staggered her; the second blow sent her down to the abyss. Quickly following behind was her beloved Dendar.

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Dateline 10-09-0056, Ace Jackson reporting. The bricker that wouldn't die and the MAD Wizard.  But first a word from our sponsor.

 

If you need to get some dirt on someone or simply need to send someone a message, try Mercator information services. He can give you latest on a person's comings and goings. Need to know the stats on a pk target? No problem with the about feature. Mercator can do it all. *Disclaimer: Use of this service is meant for information purposes only. Actual performance may vary. If arousal lasts for more than 4 hours you should see a DR. blah blah blah blah....

 

Back to our story: The anger of the MAD Wizard was roused earlier today and he unleashed his full fury on the land of Irinveron. A hapless group of adventurers prepared to do battle with whatever Wizzy could throw at them. One victim a man by the name Kaddy was seen later gracing the presence of the underworld. Dehlia and the 130 cap group gobbled their way through everything that our enraged MOD could throw at them and begged for more. As a giant swats a flea, Wizzy casually tossed in a bricker to quell their boss desires. This story is still developing tune in to the 11 o-clock report to see how it all plays out.

Edited by RipTide
bad spell'in ;)

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Particularly liked the *furry*   Otherwise excellent reporting!

 

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21 minutes ago, lyndy said:

Particularly liked the *furry*   Otherwise excellent reporting!

 

 

Thank you my editor was on coffee break :D

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The Contest

Ace Jackson reporting.

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The teams were balanced, mostly. Each team was made up of the upper crust of warriors, accompanied with combatants of all skill levels. The plan was simple; use the nub players as fodder for the monsters while the pros were free to kill squash their opponents. What could possibly go wrong?

Team K was in Bethel, with their prowess they would steam rolled over all the invasion monsters in their path. Team C was in Kusamura jungle. They had intelligence and skill as their greatest attribute. Meanwhile team O was in Melinis, viewed as an underdog and unlikely to succeed. They would have to work hard to win this competition.

 

The monsters were unleashed and they roared into action.  The captain of team C lead her group of highly killed warriors as they charged into the fray with a loud crash. Monsters fell before them like cord wood. They were well on their way to victory. Team K attacked their foes. Suddenly summons appeared all around them, monster summons attacked monster. Team O had a trick up their sleeves. One by one all the members of the team appeared on horseback. They charged into the monsters like the old Light Brigade, felling foe after foe. Monster after monster threw themselves on Team C only to die in utter agony. Soon the danger had passed and their chore was to mop up the stragglers to win the prize, but the map was so large for such a contest. Team K's summons had run out of steam and were falling away. Their captain leapt from foe to foe leaving only bodies in his wake. Team O had broken the monster's rally and defeated them. The horsemen raced through the map clearing all of the remaining monsters. They had gained the victory over the other 2 teams. Team O had won the day!

Edited by RipTide

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Ace Jackson with a:

Deep investigative report. Rumor has it that yesterday's invasion was left in a conundrum. The 150 cap boss monsters were somehow miss-capped. The MAD Wizard went off to his beauty slumber leaving no way to re-cap the monsters. Sometime after that, these capped bosses were slaughtered. I cannot say by whom.

Edited by RipTide

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A Special Report, Ace Jackson reporting:

It seems the dastardly Moderator RipTide suckered one of his fellow mods into an "Easy" 130 cap invasion. Thyralax was minding his own business when he was approached by Rip.

 

"How about I make a 130 cap invasion for you? I'll keep it real easy."

"Sure, just take care of me. I'm not as strong as I used to be."

 

The unsuspecting Thyralax and Moon Dust entered Trassian city, only to be met with a wave of Cyclops. The attack was tempered by the might of Thyra and Moon Dust. They knew they could withstand this. Next came a wave of fluffy rabbits and feros. That too was turned aside. Then came wave after wave of chimeran wolves, yeti and frost trolls. Poor Thyralax was overcome by them. Undaunted, he returned. His dragon blade failed him. The red dragon helm of Moon Dust, bit the dust. One by one the bricks poofed. As I interviewed our saintly Thyralax in the underworld after the invasion he gave me the grim toll.  4 bricks 1 rdholm & 1 dragon sword later and its cleared, Ohhhh and 1 damaged ice plate. The pride of a job well done beamed across his face.  

 

After the carnage was over I interviewed RipTide.

"Moderator Riptide, how could you do that to your fellow moderator?"

"I didn't do anything wrong. I was asked to make an invasion."

"Did you or did you not say you'd make an easy invasion?"

"It wasn't me man, I was... umm making cookies."

"You BC'd the invasion, you spawned the monsters, and this was your invasion."

"WHO YOU GOING TO BELIEVE MAN? ME OR YOUR LYING EYES?"

The interview ended at this point.

Ace Jackson, out.

Edited by RipTide

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A special report by: Ace Jackson

 

EL-itis

Do you sometimes start notes at work, on FB or emails with #gm or @? You are suffering from a serious condition called EL-itis. Contact our special fly-by-night DR. for a free consultation. He will proscribe a sure fire cure from our Big Pharma partnership.  Expect to pay nearly half your yearly income for our medicine guaranteed to keep this problem in check, but never cure it....

 

This just in, the gnomish island of Hurquin has declared independence from the kingdom of Idaloran. The gnomes have a list of grievances :

 

 They have no representation in the Idaloran court. The mayor of Hurquin is a court appointed puppet of king Tru-Doh. The election for the new mayor is being controlled directly by the court. Mayoral candidate Gallyanne is being shut out in the election due to her gnomish loyalties. Their children are being taught the Draegoni language instead of their native Gnomish tongue.

 

With this list of grievances the gnomes have come to the extreme decision of declaring independence. General Wizzy has volunteered to lead the Hurquin defense force should the crown proceed with hostilities. This story is devloping....

Edited by RipTide

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Ace Jackson reporting.

The first salvos in the HWfI(Hurquin War for Independence ) were fired yesterday. Monarch (non gender sovereign) Tru-DOH tried to subdue the rebellion by sending in a crack team of gender neutral, environmentally and emotionally sensitive non-indigenous invasion force to Hurquin. This force was thoroughly defeated, not once, but twice. Even after several cross dressing Leaders were sent to direct the attack.

 

Meanwhile on Idaloran the HDF invasion monsters had laid waste to the city. Monsters roamed freely through the city and across the surrounding countryside. City defenders with their blunt nonlethal weapons were no match for the Hurquinian monsters. While Tru-DOH was having a soul cleansing cry, his spouse took command and she called the United Nations to send in peace keeping troops.

 

This war is far from over. I will continue to update as it unfolds.

Ace Jackson, out!

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Ace Jackson special report!

First a word from our sponsor: Palmer's wagons. I have the best wagons in all of Eternal Lands. Need help moving all that invasion loot? Are you moving out of that ex's house? Is your mother finally kicking you out of her basement? I have what you need. If you need a wagon try a Palmer. Palmer's wagons are located near the White Stone summoning arena. Drop by anytime, I'm always open.

 

Word has just come to me that Tru-DOH is not pulling any punches this time. He is going invade Hurquin with the strongest gender neutral monsters he can find. Dragons, arctic chims, little dragons and the most militant trans gender leg orcs and leg trolls will make up the surface map (uncap invasion)+++. The caves below will be stuffed with desert chims, feros, fluffy rabbits and more (120 cap). The lower level fighters can't even start fighting until they help the pro's kill the surface monsters. All this begins in 15 mins. Not giving HDF anytime to prepare. He's still feeling the emotional scars of the last exchange.

Stay tuned I'll keep you updated as these events unfold.

 

This just in, since the HDF fighters thoroughly defeated Monarch Tru-DOH invasion force, he has chosen to grant Hurquin independence from Idaloran. The war is over!!! Hurquin has won!!

Edited by RipTide

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Great reporting :)  should put you up for a prize!

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Ace Jackson here with another Fly-by-night report.

 

A word from our sponsor:

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Now with our special report. Word has come to me that our dear Community Manager Aislinn had left on a much needed vacation. She had been working for 15 years straight without any leave.  No sooner had she left when all heck broke loose. The senior moderators took over Aislinn's office. Wizzy was seen bringing in cases of whiskey. Thyra was right behind him with a wagon filled with beer. RipTide had a table in the corner, cards and poker chips stacked in front of him.  The normally reserved Darrock was seen dancing to the music emanating from a dwarf band playing. The band was playing the song Tequila makes her clothes fall off. Revi was in the kitchen cooking. Somehow he had hacked Aisy's Amazing account and had gourmet foods shipped in. Ben and WeaverDas were standing guard outside keeping a keen eye open for Radu.

 

The party was in a righteous roil. Wizzy was stumbling around with no pants on. Darrock was carrying the dwarf lead singer singing with him. Vanyel was drunk telling English jokes in Polish. Apparently RipTide isn't the card shark he thinks he is. Apparition had come in cleaned him out. Weaver and Ben must have been nipping at the adult beverages; both were passed out on the front doorstep when Radu showed up.

Edited by RipTide
:D

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Make sure guildmaster of K&M knows she is using slave labor which is prohibited by guild.

 

Alduron should go to some guild which has lower standard of ethics.

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On 10/10/2018 at 5:53 AM, RipTide said:

The party was in a righteous roil.

I realize (american sp*) for moderators, but i am VERY SAD! i wanted invite!

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Ace Jackson here talking to the world's oldest monster caretaker.

"Mr. Wiggins is it true you left the yeti cage door open?"

 "All I know is total panda-moni-um broke out."

"Is it true that the yeti began opening the other cage doors?"

<Checks his depends.>

"I um.... what time is it?"

"Sir I am trying to get an accounting of how this terrible invasion broke out."

"I got to get home to see Matlock."

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On 10/11/2018 at 3:32 PM, lyndy said:

I realize (american sp*) for moderators, but i am VERY SAD! i wanted invite!

 

If it makes you feel any better, they all were in pretty rough shape when I got back and the mess! :icon8: Wizzy still can't find his pants and Vanyel is still telling jokes using Google translator (see bans threads for how well THAT turns out). 

 

Funny how the good parties happen when I go away.  :confused:

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A bridge too far.

An Ace Jackson in-depth report.

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While making my rounds today, I needed to get my knife sharpened. I proceeded to Jandir's Smithy. She sharpened my knife quick as you please. She then told me the price was 3 gcs including Gondric's bridge to nowhere tax. I asked her what that was. She replied that 15 years ago there was a bridge crossing the river. Some beavers built a dam and when the spring floods came it washed out the bridge and the beaver dam. King Gondric showed up in all his pomp and bluster. He said this is a terrible catastrophe. He would have a new bridge built; instituting a 33% sales tax to pay for it. Until that time they cut down a few trees for people to cross the river on. Questioning Lavinia she confirmed the story. I then asked why hasn't the bridge been built with such a heavy tax collected? They had no idea. Going outside, I saw my news rival Beth Ann nosing about so I quickly hurried to the general store to see what Michael could tell me. Michael was only too happy to spill the beans on everything he knew. It seems the King has had a standing order for large quantities of meats, cheeses and breads shipped to his cavern every Friday morning. Valeria in the tavern across the way also had standing orders for wine, ale and mead sent down to the King no later than Friday afternoon. My nose was on a story and this reporter was going to see it though. Crossing the old trees that served as a bridge in the Valley of the Dwarves I made my way to Gerund the blacksmith. I asked him about the bridge and this is what he told me. He submitted plans to Minel the engineer in Norcarn 12 years ago. My next stop was to see Minel. On my way down to Norcarn, I noticed Erokin eyeing me. Just before I left the VOTD I saw him running off toward town. Talking with Minel got me nowhere. He said he approved the plans and submitted them to the King's steward for funding and work to begin. A little frustrated,  I sat down next to Koki, we made small talk for a few minutes. Erokin suddenly ran right past me and threw open the door to Minel's. I quickly jumped up and ran off in another direction. Hiding over by Buni I saw Erokin come out and stomp off back toward the VOTD. I needed to go directly to the big man himself, King Gondric.  Back in the VOTD I tried to sneak into the Kings cave, but Erokin was standing guard. Luck would have it that just at that moment someone came running saying a mountian chim was trying to get into the valley from Kilaran. Erokin hurried off. Now the rest of this story came at great personal danger to me. I entered the cave. Quickly I ran through the cave, I grabbed a loaf of bread and made my way to second level. Ingrid was staring blankly out over the ledge as I went down the ladder I hoped would take me to the king. There were female orcs everywhere. I had to dodge and duck past them at every turn. An orc was coming so I ducked down this hall. Looking behind me I saw a big banquet table loaded down with food and booze. Gilrand was there. I asked the gnome what he was doing. He said he was Gondric's personal chef. Golden rings and chains adorned his fingers and neck. This gnome was paid handsomely for his services. Making my way to the king, I could see that he'd been drinking. Finally noticing me he and asked if I was the engineer with the trops to keep the FOrcs away. I told him no, I am Ace Jackson with EL news. He replied, I don't speak to no stinking press without my attendant here. King Gondric, I said, I am here to ask you about the sales tax for a bridge that has never been built. A sobered look crossed his face. I have been assured by my attendants that funds have been nearly acquired to begin work on VOTD Bridge. Then the process of selecting a construction company can begin. You mean to tell me in the 12 years since the plans for a new bridge had been drawn up you have not selected a construction company yet? This is an ongoing process and companies need to be interviewed. Environmental impact studies made. I blurted in with payoffs, kick backs and graft. Not hearing me the king replied with, exactly, exactly. Thank you your majesty, you have given me all I needed to know. I hightailed it out of there.  

Edited by RipTide

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Ace Jackson here with an EL news report

Today's acid rain day has caused quite a stir among the races today. Dwarves are calling it a bogus accusation that they are responsible for the acid rain. They say it is elvish magics that are the cause of the acid rains not their iron mills. Elves on the other hand say gnomes mining and smelting hydrogenium are the real culprits to the environmental disaster. The humans are just thankful that they are not to blame for once. People's armor and weapons are falling off them like fall leaves from the trees. I spoke with one person who requested that his Alphabetic name not be revealed, "Woops.. what happens when you go afk :P Your Red Dragon Helm has been destroyed." Whatever the cause, this terrible day will be one to be remembered.

Ace Jackson, out!

Edited by RipTide

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Ace Jackson with an investigative report.

Today I was shooting the breeze with Jade when Daritha and her retinue paraded by. The reflection on the bronze armors was blinding. Each of her lieutenants was outfitted in the same armor and carried a dragon blade or titanium axe and shield. "There goes the armor queen," Jade replied. "What do you mean," I asked. She proceeds to tell me that Tarsengaard taxes have gone up to pay for an orc invasion that's just on the horizon. Daritha has been claiming that an orc army is going to march from South Kilaran though Norcarn and into Tarsengaard. She needs better armor and weapons for the TG defense force. The problem is that she has made this claim for the last 2 years. Going next to the Magic School, I went up stairs and talked with Mario and Rosalyn. Both said that tuition and fees have tripled since last year. Down stairs I next interviewed Grand Master Jerun. As part of the Tarsengaard ruling council, he related the numerous weapon/armor requisition requests submitted by Daritha. Leaving him, I was stumped. Her small guard couldn't possibly use all the armor and weapons she collects daily. What is she doing with all the extra stuff? Leaving the school, I thought I'd go to the tavern and do some thinking. Just as I was entering, Logan staggered past me leaving. Standing there watching, he made a bee line for garrison. A few moments later, I watched him leave with a sack over his shoulder. Following him, he went to White Stone docks. Trik went though the bag and paid him for the contents and Logan returned to TG. From the back of the room I watched as Logan and Daritha split the sack of coins. This story is far from over, but unfortunately I can no longer show my face in Tarsengaard. You'll see my want ad in the classifieds for a color change stone and paid name change. I hear the black cloaks are hunting for me.

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Ace Jackson with an update to my last story.

 

It seems an orc army invaded Tarsengaard today. Daritha's defense forces were in full battle array and defending the city. From a secret location, up in a tree, I overheard one castellan telling the other that they were bribed to invade. I'm not quite sure the meaning of all this, but I will keep digging to get to the truth.

Ace Jackson out!

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The new gods

Ace Jackson reporting. Today groups of young people have gathered outside the temples of Eternal Land gods. They are unhappy and are protesting that these gods do not represent their feelings, wants and desires. Though they have only been here on Eternal lands a short while, their feelings matter. They are also demanding positions of authority in the temple. It isn't fair that they should have to work their way up from acolyte to minister (non gender specific). They want their gods to take on attributes that have meaning to them.

Mortos: Verbal assault, hate speech, bag jumping, pk and red states.

Aluwen: Safe spaces, peace day, and joy. Her symbol would be replaced with the safety pin.

Lucaa: Mother gaia, veganism and kale chips.

Elandria: Big oil and GMO's.

Unolas: Entertainment and sparkly stuff.

Jayden:  Herbal medicine and smoothies. Would work closely with Lucaa.

Selain: Peta, ALF and polar bears.

Glilin: Bridges and stuff.

Zarin: Jewelry, weddings and consumerism.

LaForge: Ships, flying things and fidget spinners.

Galienne: Little black dresses, spring break and hooking up.

Xiao: Hurdled accusations, paper airplanes and sling shots.

Dvar: Mother's basement.

These young people are also asking that every new day they get 5000 experience points just for saying that god's name. What future ramifications these protests bring is anyone's guess.

Ace Jackson out!

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Remorselessness

An Ace Jackson society report!

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Has being remorse about a misdeed become passé? I have 3 unrelated stories about the sorry state of our society. The first story is about a businessman who would tear down his competitor's advertising. Make up lies about his competitors. When he was finally called on it, he blamed his competitor, blamed the governing authorities for his actions. Never once taking fault for his wrong doing. The second story involves the ranging arena in Grubani. The only rule is no automatic loaders without supervision. One of the locals was training in the arena. He didn't feel he needed to be supervised while using his autoloader. Narhawk the arena operator confronted the man asking why he didn't get supervised while using the autoloader. The man instead of being remorse over his action, he blamed Narhawk. It would have only been a 24 hour ban; instead it turned into a 30 day ban. The final story involves one of our most beloved and trusted mods (he made me write this). This mod was accused of doing something despicable and dastardly. A thing he was totally innocent of. The accuser instead of being remorse over this matter, continued on as if nothing had happened.

 

To quote an old bard, "Sorry seems to be the hardest word!"

 

Ace Jackson out!

Edited by RipTide

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The contest.

Mortos that evil god of death held a contest today. Many a brave soul came to fight. First up was Busterblader. He made a good showing up until the hawks came out. True to form his Ornithophobia came out and he was quick to dis and flee. Next up was Kaddy. This master at arms gobbled his way through every monster Mortos could throw at him up to and including the blue dragon. His only bane was the Neno. Wizzy came next. Without magic he's going to have a tough time winning this competition. The summons of the master wizard gave him a much needed boost. His giants ate Achims, leg orcs. The little blue dragons proved to be his undoing. Still, a very respectable showing. Ymir was next. He was valiant up until the leg orcs showed the angels coming to assist him. Wakko came next. Early on an ACW broke his RDHLM. For any mere mortal this would have been a death sentence, but not for Wakko. He fought his way through everything that was thrown at him. He damaged the Neno, but was unable to finish off the blue dragon. Hit came after Wakko. Hit too did very well, but the little dragons set him on a highway that took him to a very hot place. In the end it was Kaddy and Wakko the winners of this competition. They truly deserved to be the winners. Good Job both of you!

Ace out.

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