Blonde Jokes, Pirate Jokes, and Boyscout Jokes!

[Feromor]

Heya! It's the Joke thread! No posting posthumorously...or something like that...

 

So, a blond, a redhead, and a brunette are trapped on a desert island. A djnn appears to them and says, I will grant you each one wish. The brunette sobs, I just wish I was back home with my family. ZAP! She's gone. The redhead goes next and says, I wish I was back home AND I had a billion dollars. ZAP! She's gone. (Somewhere in a Swiss bank, a billion dollars mysteriously vanishes...) The blond though, looks around helplessly and says, Well gee, I wish I had my friends back.

 

Feromor: How do you frustrate a blond?

Tutorial NPC: Such is beyond me. How is it done?

Feromor: Have a brunette tell her to count the corners in a circular room!

Feromor: But how do you frustrate the brunette?

Tutorial NPC: This also is beyond my experience. Tell me.

Feromor: Have the blond go back and say that she did it!

 

A pirate and a sailor are conversing one crisp Autumn morning. The sailor indicates the pirates peg leg and says, So how did you come by that? The pirate smile good naturedly and replies, A shark came and bit me leg off! Arrgghh! The sailors eyes go wide and he says, Wow, then how came you by the hook? The pirate flashes a broad grin. I was fighting Redbeard's crew, and the sons of dogs cut me 'and off! Aarrgghh! Finally, the sailor points at the eye patch, asking, Well how did that happen? The pirate's grin falters and he murmurs, A bird came and pooped in me eye. argh... The sailor stands back skeptically and says, That's not nearly as exciting as the other two. The pirate nods glumly in agreement saying, It was me first day with the hook.

 

The President of the U.S., the smartest man in the world, and a boyscout are all on an airplane. The pilot rushes into the passenger cabin and cries, The plane is going down and we have only three parachutes! The president grabs the first and yells, I have to run the country! as he leaps from the aircraft. The smartest man in the world takes the second and jumps saying, I have more right to live than you stupid low lifes! The pilot looks at the boyscout and says, Well, son, I guess you had better take that last parachute. The boyscout, though, shakes his head and says, The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.

[Feromor]

Three men are trapped on a desert island. A djinn appears to them and says, I will grant you each one wish BUT, you must jump off that cliff *points pale blue finger at 500ft drop off*, and I will grant your wish before you hit bottom. The first man is none to bright, so he charges off the cliff edge yelling, Diamooooonnnndddsss.KERSPLAT! He lands in a huge pile of diamonds. The second man is not the brightest bulb on the block either, and he leaps into nothingness yelling, Gooooooollllddd. KERSPLAT! He lands in a huge pile of gold.

The last man was, in fact, fairly intelligent, and well aware of the definition of 'kersplat', but he also knew he was gonna die anyway, unless he got rescued, which was quite unlikely, given the fact that the three men had been living there for the past decade or two. So, deciding to go out with a bang, er, kersplat, he chose a wish that he liked the sound of and was just about to jump into air, when he tripped on a rock at the edge, and fell down shouting, POOOOOoooooooooooopppppppp. Landing in an enormous pile of dung with a KERSPLUT! The man lived happily ever after in a beach house made of gold and diamonds.

[Feromor]

Darth Vadar Jokes!

 

Darth Vadar walks up to a storm trooper and says, Do you have any chapstick?

 

On the beach planet of Hah-Wy-E, Darth Vadar asks the lifeguard, May I borrow your sunglasses?

 

An Imperial Guard is making his rounds when he sees Darth Vadar gazing at a small slip of paper. He walks over and says, The big guy finally letting you go, eh buddy? Darth Vadar glances up, surprised, No, he says, This is a coupon for a tanning saloon...

 

Darth Vadar starts patting his pockets and pouches, searching for something. The Emperor looks over, concerned, What are you looking for? Darth Vadar replies, I can't find my inhaler.