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korrode

The Wrath of Mortos

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I was originally writing this as a sample story so i could be considered for the official story writing team, but i'm not sure i want to write any of the requested stories... so i figured i'd just post it here and if the day comes that i do want to write an official story, i can still use this as my sample then.

 

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- The Wrath of Mortos -

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Chapter 1 - Mortos

 

Deep in the nether regions of reality, the keeper of evil, death and destruction resides. Mortos, the god of attack, sits upon his throne, contemplating new ways to wreak havoc upon Draia.

Being all-seeing, Mortos constantly observes much of the world. One place he keeps a particular focus on is his temple in the Naralik Catacombs. Few things give him greater pleasure than the sight of new warriors choosing to offer him tribute, so that they may increase their offensive ability and eventually go to war. Many of his long-time devoted followers often visit the temple to receive his blessing. Although a small tribute must be maintained, Mortos is always happy to give this blessing, as he knows with much certainty that the blessed warrior will proceed immediately to the battlefield, to lay waste to other inhabitants of Draia.

 

A draegoni man enters the Catacombs. Mortos grins as he sees it is one of his long-time followers; Korrode.

Korrode had long ago completed Mortos' quests, proving his worth. "Undoubtedly there to be blessed", Mortos thought to himself. But, upon closer inspection of this man, Mortos' grin disappeared, and the god became enraged!

Korrode was not wearing his battle gear. No strong armors, no lethal swords.

This was a scene Mortos had witnessed many times before. Usually his followers visit his temple to be blessed by their god for a battle ahead, when they visit unprepared for battle, it's often to renounce their faith... with the intention of then worshiping Aluwen, the goddess of defense... Mortos' most hated enemy.

 

Korrode had proven himself a fearsome warrior. The amount of opponents he has slain numbers in the hundreds. A traitorous change to Aluwen is often accompanied by a decrease in a warrior's battlefield activity, and more time spent slaying the beasts of Draia.

Mortos' anger with the path Korrode had chosen was intense.

 

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Chapter 2 - Korrode

 

It was a cold morning in Draia, and after weeks of contemplation about his future and advancement path as a warrior, the decision had been made, and the time had come for Korrode to renounce his allegiance to Mortos.

He walked the familiar route to Naralik, and then entered the Catacombs. Evil and undead creatures, the foul smell of death and decay... these Catacombs truly are a place under the influence of an evil god.

The usual sound of young warriors testing their might against Orcs could be heard off in the distance. Even being ill-equipped for serious combat, the creatures of the Catacombs scurry away from Korrode as he navigates to the temple of Mortos. One young and unknowing Orc, overcome by the urge for combat that runs through his veins, attacks the seemingly defenseless Korrode, but quickly realizes his mistake when pain surges through his body as it is struck by draegoni fists.

 

Korrode reaches the temple and approaches Dirhyan, the priest of Mortos.

Dirhyan, looking as surprised as a man of his demeanor can, greets Korrode and asks "Why have you come here without your sword in hand?", to which Korrode replied "I have served Mortos well for many years, but the time has come for me renounce my allegiance".

No god can stop a person from leaving their service, and so after a brief attempt to have Korrode reconsider, Dirhyan performed the ritual, and it was done. Korrode was no longer an acolyte of Mortos.

At that instant, the entire Catacombs seemed to vibrate. Korrode turned to head out of the temple, but after just a few steps a red glow seemed to come out of the air around him, and in seconds he was blinded by intense light. Following this was an indescribable feeling throughout the draegoni's body, intense pain, as if being ripped apart from within... then everything went black.

 

Korrode awoke on the temple floor, unsure how much time had passed. He looked over and Dirhyan was standing at the alter in his usual motionless and expressionless fashion. After a few seconds it became apparent that something was very different... very wrong. Korrode felt an almost overwhelming urge to tear Dirhyan apart without even asking if he was responsible for whatever had just happened.

He had always enjoyed combat, and the perfection of it's technique... but never had he felt such an urge for carnage as he does now. "What the hell is going on!" Korrode yelled.

 

With that sentence, he noticed his own voice had somewhat changed. He looked down at himself, felt his own face with his hands, and then he realised... He was no longer a draegoni, Mortos had transformed him into an orchan.

 

Korrode, not used to dealing with the urge for carnage that comes with orchan blood, and extreme anger with Mortos for inflicting this change upon him, tore apart the temple and stormed out through the Catacombs, crushing the life out of anything that got in his path.

 

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Chapter 3 - Gods always win

 

Mortos let out an evil laugh, quite happy seeing what he had created by combining Korrode's already warring nature with orchan blood.

He was confident now that eventually Korrode would return to his service, and that he has secured Korrode's destiny to forever be a Warlord.

 

Probably needs some punctuation additions and/or removals, maybe some wording changes here and there... will read back over it later and probably end up changing some st00f.

 

Hope u enjoyed :laugh:

Edited by Korrode

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Stories pretty good, but probably a bit too short for a sample story to get a good enough feel for your writing. Plus the chapters are wayyyy too short to be called chapters :P

 

I know you said it's not a sample story, but commenting as if it was :P

 

As for not liking stories on the list, we are open to suggestions if you have any (you can contact one of us ingame with an idea). The stories we posted are minor, because we do not want to give a major storyline to a new writer right off the bat.

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Stories pretty good
^^

 

but probably a bit too short for a sample story to get a good enough feel for your writing.
Hmmm fair enough.

tbh, it's been a long time since i did any creative writing. This was intended as a test for myself as much as it was for the writing team.

 

I dont know that i'm really happy with it. I seemed to be falling short for descriptive words, easily-readable sentence structure, and general depth.

 

As for not liking stories on the list
It's not that i dont like them as such, more just that i wasn't sure that i wanted to write one... due to possible lack of writing skill, and maybe not enough interest.

 

Palon Vertas Cave- a warrior battle ground? What happened here?

 

Morcraven Battle Hall - A temple of Mortos created by warriors that aren't set on death and destruction.. could this show the followers of Mortos in a different light?

These 2 are the kind of general theme i could get into... i'll see how i feel in the future, maybe write a bit more fan-fiction to ensure i'm enjoying it and you guys like my writing style.

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A couple suggestions to make your text easier to read...

 

Here, the repetitive usage of the -ing needs to be reworded.

Being all-seeing, Mortos constantly observes much of the world.

The all-seeing Mortos constantly observes much of the world. (seems better to me, anyway) :P

 

One place he keeps a particular focus on is his temple in the Naralik Catacombs.

Because map changes can take place practically any time, try to avoid naming an in-game location. Ending the sentence after "temple" works just as well.

 

He had always enjoyed combat, and the perfection of it's technique... but never had he felt such an urge for carnage as he does now.

It should be "its technique" and at the end of this quote, your verb tense changed suddenly and incorrectly (sorry). "...as he did now." is more correct.

 

He was confident now that eventually Korrode would return to his service, and that he has secured Korrode's destiny to forever be a Warlord.

Same problem here. "...that he had secured..." is more correct.

 

In general, you have good sentence structure in your story. Sometimes you use a comma when you don't need to, but that is easily fixed. As a story writer, you may find yourself rewriting sections of a story. I've found that the overall story improves when I've done this.

 

If you have an idea for a story that you feel strongly enough to commit to paper, if that's how you work, or to the computer, send Roja a forum pm while it's still in the idea stage. She may like the idea or ask you to explain parts of it or expand others. Once it's approved, I've found that if I search the official story threads for background information, my story ends up being more consistent with the EL universe.

 

Despite all this talk here, know this: as a writer, you are not alone. There are others here you can talk to who will offer what help they may because we all love this game.

 

Please, by all means, keep up the good work.

 

Phil.

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