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sirdan

stand up comedy nite (best person gets good stuffs)

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ok well meet this saterday 4/24/04 at like... 8 eastern prolly well have stand up comedy whoever is funniest wins tit serp tit chain doom cloack umm stars med steel shield and whatever else im wearing there will be some rules but only for the adience yes for the adience but ill exsplaine there

 

this event is in honor of the lancers success so far!

 

im rick james bitch!!!

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where r u gonna have it?

who will b the judges?

and...

how do u know if we cheat? (u can probly look up stand up routines online or something)

 

but still i wanna do it :)

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o yeah the place thats what i forgot... umm hows about monie tavern and judges will be picked at random as for cheating well if u wana go ahead as long as i laugh my ass off

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crap due to computer problems i couldent make it

 

current time : 9:20

 

 

just post your best jokes and whoevers is the best wins

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whats the worst thing about eating a vegetable?

 

 

 

 

Gettin that bitch back in her wheel chair! :shock:

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I edited them for EL :)

 

• A dwarf walks into a bar - ouch.

 

• A dwarf, an elf and a human meet a wizard, the wizard grants them each one wish, the dwarf asks to be locked in a room with beer all night, so the wizard locked him in, the human asked to be locked in a room full of beautifal girls all night, so the wizard did it, the elf asked to be locked in a room with tonnes of ciggars all night, so the wizard granted his wish, next day the wizard lets the dwarf out and says "how was it" and the dwarf collapsed and said "ace!", he then unlocked the human and said "how was it" and the human, limping out the room, replied "great!", the wizard then unlocks the elf and says "how was it" and the elf replied "anyone got a light?"

 

got more, cant be botherd to type em out

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1.read my siggy.

2.Wonder Why you park in a drive way and drive in a park way.

3. A french captin captures a british captin. the French asks the British, "why do you wear red shirts, it makes you very visible." The British Capt. replied, "so that if we get shot, we can continue fighting like nothing happened, the blood wont show." The very next day the French changed there pants to brown.

sophisticated humor...but i think most of you are old enough.

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3. A french captin captures a british captin. the French asks the British, "why do you wear red shirts, it makes you very visible." The British Capt. replied, "so that if we get shot, we can continue fighting like nothing happened, the blood wont show." The very next day the French changed there pants to brown.

 

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is HILARIOUS

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ok this one may be kinda of old but everytime i hear it i fall down laughing...

 

Don't Fart in Bed

 

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.

 

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting

loudly every morning when he awoke.

 

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water

and make her gasp for air.

 

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because

it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly

natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he

would blow his guts out.

 

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

 

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and

he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey

innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought

came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound

asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic

waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

 

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting

which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic

footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

 

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!

 

After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

 

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained

underpants with a look of horror on his face . She bit her lip as she asked

him what was the matter.

 

He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't

listen to you."

 

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

 

''Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened....

But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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whoa!!!! that was killer! u should win the prize, did u copy that from somewhere? nice tho..

 

here is mine..

Once upon a time there was a magical place where it never rained...

THE END

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ok heres one:

 

A man falls alseep at church..

 

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the

local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my

husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very

embarrassing. What should I do?"

 

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.

I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will

motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a

good poke in the leg."

 

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing

this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the

ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

 

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the

hatpin.

 

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.

Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is

your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards

Mrs. Jones.

 

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

 

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.

Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not

notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few

motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her

husband with the hatpin again.

 

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore

him his 99th son?"

 

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that

goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half

and shove it up your ass!"

 

"Amen," replied the congregation.

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whoa!!!! that was killer! u should win the prize, did u copy that from somewhere? nice tho..

Yeah, I've heard that one 5 times already. I heard it off some joke site.

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ok here goes my attempt at humor

 

A man walks into a bathroom and see's a guy with no arms standing above the urinal. The man feels bad for the guy with no arms but figured he knew what he was doing. the man used the facilities and started to walk out. The man with no arms looks at him and says,"i hate to ask, but could you help me out here?" The man felling bad for him says "sure. What do you need?" The man with no arms says,"just get it ou and aim it"

The man nodded and unzipped the guys fly, as he yanked his penis out he noticed a weird rash and lots of disgusting looking bumbs and sores. The man already agreeing to do this just aimed and didn't think about it. The man with no arms finished and asked him to shake it off and put it away. The man did so and started to leave. Then out of sheer curiosity he turned and asked"What was wrong with your penis?" The man with no arms replied"i don't know but i didn't want to touch it" and he puuled his arms out of his shirt and walked out of the restroom.

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