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mciscass

Ode to Mortos

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(Note: I feel confident about this poem. A little more traditional than some. I hope it will be considered for the official poem list)

 

An ode to Lord Mortos

For when I am dead

He is so very close

He is inside my head

 

Did you feel that buzz?

Did you here what I said?

He controls me because

He is inside my head

 

And it may be

That I can be led

And never be free

While he's inside my head

 

I would control the controllers

But they control me instead

Just like my molars

They are inside my head

 

So near the church steeple

I again lay to bed

To talk with the people

Still inside my head

Edited by mciscass

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Hi, well it's a nice poem, sounds like that of an insane person? Forgive me if I am mistaken.

I don't see how it really relates to Mortos though, other than the person being insane and thinking he is controlling them. Maybe you can explain that a bit more? It's pretty confusing on it's own unless more is explained.

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Hi, well it's a nice poem, sounds like that of an insane person? Forgive me if I am mistaken.

I don't see how it really relates to Mortos though, other than the person being insane and thinking he is controlling them. Maybe you can explain that a bit more? It's pretty confusing on it's own unless more is explained.

 

Most likely all true. I did fear when I posted that this little poem might not have any real value. But I had to try. I enjoy the game and wanted to contribute something. I will explain as best I can. Yes, the poem is implying insanity. I imagined writing to wandering thoughts of someone who is actually driven mad by the curse of Mortos (that no one can really die, as I understand it). I thought of different ways people might view this curse, what the reactions would be, and if some (like the narator in the poem) might not be able to handle this new reality at all. The last stanza refers to dieing again; "near the church steaple I again lay to bed" is meant to bring to mind being laid to rest in a grave (in the past most cemetaries where near churches, and most churches had tall steaples). If this poem were writen by an eternal lands character, it would not be an insane one. It would be a sane poet writing a piece that explored insanity. It is argueable, of course, if there ever was a perfectly sane poet. :hug: The rhyme sounded nice, and the I enjoyed adding a little humour to what otherwise would seem a dark poem (refering to the lines "just like my molars, they are inside my head" which was an attempt at humour using word play). It is the first poem I have submitted to any public forum. Thank you for your comments and constructive suggestions.

Edited by mciscass

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Another thing is that we're changing the curse of Mortos around..you'll be able to die now :hug:

Looks like I forgot to take some stories out of the official sections about that..

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An interesting poem mciscass, perhaps you could go on in more lines to explain a bit more about what you meant? As roja said the curse is being changed around, but this poem could easily be changed to refer to something else, someone driven insane and thinks mortos is inside his head, or perhaps even a story of how mortos posessed someone.

 

There was one stanza that jumped out to me.

 

I would control the controllers

But they control me instead

Just like my molars

They are inside my head

 

The rhyming with molars here seems a bit forced, I dunno maybe its just me, but i felt like this line didn't fit with the rest as well.

 

Also, there are many different forms of poetry, if you have trouble getting things to rhyme like that (it tends to get harder the longer the poem is) you can always use different forms. Ballads are great for telling stories in a poetic form, because the rules for them are so often bent for each individual poem.

 

I normally like ballads, or free verse. Especially free verse because of its make your own rules style. What you have here i think is pretty much free verse, you chose to make stanzas of four lines with alternating rhymes. You could choose to have a stanza of four alternating rhyming lines, then a stanza of a couplet and an unrhymed pair, or something else like that.

 

Just some suggestions if you wanted to go farther with your poem :)

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The stanza mentioned indeed doesn't fit in with the rest of the poem. But that was intentional, as I mentioned, to lighten the mood. I didn't feel the rhyme was forced, but I can see how it could be seen that way; especially in a stanza that stands out as not fitting already. Word play rather than rhyme was my focus in that part (word play in that ones teeth are in ones head in a much different way than voices are in ones head). The poem might be better if this stanza were changed to fit better... but I really don't want to write a completely dark poem. :)

 

I appreciate the suggestion to try other styles. In truth, I use rhyme because I have trouble maintaining rhythm without it. Rhyming words naturally have similar patterns of stressed and unstress syllables, and so guide my poems into an almost propper meter. I have practiced meter without rhyme, but am not comfortable with it yet. As for free verse, I enjoy it very much, but I feel it is out of character with the eternal lands setting. It is a more modern idea that poetry can exist without meter, and eternal lands is more of a midevial setting. Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions :) I think they will help me in future attempts.

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Free verse doesn't exactly have to lack meter, thats the beauty of it. And its not really as 'free' as the name suggests. You still have to follow some semblance of rules for the most part, except you get to decide what the rules are. Thats what I was taught anyway :)

 

Poetry is difficult however, and unlike story writing a lot of whether its a good or bad poem is decided by individual readers with their own opinions and likes/dislikes of styles. A lot more so than with basic prose story writing.

 

I'd love to see some other poems from you, you definately have conquered some of the basic walls people run into, such as rhyming and meter.

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