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peino

The Sea King's Treasure

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Nice peino, I like the edits.

- I made reference to a code of piracy according to which the pirates make Peino captain while still keeping him under threat of death. Remember, Enly, that really happened. :brooding:

 

I was never saying it couldn't have possibly happened like that, and shouldn't be in the story. I was saying that that part (along with others I mentioned) just didn't make sense to me as the reader. So I was only ever suggesting you explain them more so that they could make sense ;)

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Nice peino, I like the edits.

- I made reference to a code of piracy according to which the pirates make Peino captain while still keeping him under threat of death. Remember, Enly, that really happened. :brooding:

 

I was never saying it couldn't have possibly happened like that, and shouldn't be in the story. I was saying that that part (along with others I mentioned) just didn't make sense to me as the reader. So I was only ever suggesting you explain them more so that they could make sense :P

I know, I was just teasing. ;)

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Well I finally got around to reading this. It's a wonderful tale, really well written, I enjoyed it a lot :D

 

The only things that I picked up on to critique about it were:

 

Passage was swift upon fair winds, enhanced by one spell, and uneventful. We passed Anitora before noon of the second day, and entered the Port of Irsis on the dawn tide of the fourth

 

If you were to sail on a normal ship between Seridia and Irilion it would take months, even with magic it would be a long time. That's why the dragon ship is there. Think of the times when they had to sail between Europe and the New World-that sort of distance.

With the dragon ship it would be like flying on a plane between Europe & America, so like 6hrs or so. That would be swift travel, not on a ship.

 

 

Secondly, did you ever describe how Peino looks like? I don't remember reading anything about it..as the main character, I'd say that's rather important and I think you should include something about his appearance :o

 

 

Third, I also think you should include something about these Sea Elves. From what I gather they are just experienced sailors. I like the idea about that, and in a story such as this is a good way to introduce and describe them.

 

 

Ok I think that's it :D It really is a nice story and I'd like to include it in the official myths/legends section if you can make the changes I mentioned above. And you're welcome to write more.

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Well I finally got around to reading this. It's a wonderful tale, really well written, I enjoyed it a lot :P

Thank you, Roja! I'm glad you liked it. :P

 

The only things that I picked up on to critique about it were:

 

Passage was swift upon fair winds, enhanced by one spell, and uneventful. We passed Anitora before noon of the second day, and entered the Port of Irsis on the dawn tide of the fourth

 

If you were to sail on a normal ship between Seridia and Irilion it would take months, even with magic it would be a long time. That's why the dragon ship is there. Think of the times when they had to sail between Europe and the New World-that sort of distance.

With the dragon ship it would be like flying on a plane between Europe & America, so like 6hrs or so. That would be swift travel, not on a ship.

I could use a little more guidance about this, because I want the story to reflect as much of the existing concept of Draia as possible.

 

-- Just how big is the ocean? Is there a map of the Draian globe in existence? Unable to see how the continents are arranged, I had to assume it was a straight passage from Portland to Irsis, with Annitora in the middle, but I knew as I was doing it, that might not fit with your concept of the world you created.

 

-- Do you want to keep the time frame as RL-realistic as possible, in which case, the voyage should take at least a month, but the references to wind conjuring will become problematical; or

 

-- I can extend the voyage to, say, about two weeks, with an explanation of the magic involved. I actually might like to do that because I mention sea elf magic and the conjuring of winds a lot in the story. None of that exists in game, so I was thinking it might be good to talk about it more. If I can find a way to do that without too much plonkingly dull exposition-style stuff, that might be a good place to give a sense of what kind of magic it is, as well as a sense of what makes sea elf culture/history distinctive.

 

 

Secondly, did you ever describe how Peino looks like? I don't remember reading anything about it..as the main character, I'd say that's rather important and I think you should include something about his appearance :P

You're right. I always have a problem doing that in first person stories, because the self-descriptions always strike me as awkward. I'll come up with something.

 

Third, I also think you should include something about these Sea Elves. From what I gather they are just experienced sailors. I like the idea about that, and in a story such as this is a good way to introduce and describe them.

I took the sea elf concept from a few other sources, with liberal doses of Celtic sea lore. Sea elves are accomplished sailors, but they also have magical spells specific to the sea and seafaring, especially control over weather. I did feel like I wanted Peino to talk more about sea elf history, but because the story is rather plot-driven, I sacrificed some of that, deciding to save it for future Peino stories, as well as his "translations" of the Books of Ereon. I will try to work in some more about it.

 

EDIT: NOTE: Some sea elf culture details may conflict slightly with EL officialdom. For instance, the dragon boat is the fastest way to cross between the continents, but the conceit of my story (which I really didn't make clear) is that this technology exists because the sea elf magic of wind conjuring for speed was lost with the downfall of the sea elf clans in the Great War. The backstory of sea elves in my head is that they were another elf culture, with their own cities, politics, magicks, etc, but they suffered such heavy casualties fighting for Aluwen that most of what they contributed to Draian life was lost -- including easy passage between the continents. The dragonboat is an even faster replacement of what had formerly been supplied by sea elves.

 

 

Ok I think that's it :D It really is a nice story and I'd like to include it in the official myths/legends section if you can make the changes I mentioned above. And you're welcome to write more.

I'd be more honored than I can say. :P

 

I'll get to work on the changes and post a new version. It might take a little time. I'm dealing with some RL things (hand injury, work, etc). I might post some proposed changes here before finishing a new version, to get your feedback/approval on certain details I'd like to pull from the game.

Edited by peino

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-- Just how big is the ocean? Is there a map of the Draian globe in existence? Unable to see how the continents are arranged, I had to assume it was a straight passage from Portland to Irsis, with Annitora in the middle, but I knew as I was doing it, that might not fit with your concept of the world you created.

 

-- Do you want to keep the time frame as RL-realistic as possible, in which case, the voyage should take at least a month, but the references to wind conjuring will become problematical; or

 

-- I can extend the voyage to, say, about two weeks, with an explanation of the magic involved. I actually might like to do that because I mention sea elf magic and the conjuring of winds a lot in the story. None of that exists in game, so I was thinking it might be good to talk about it more. If I can find a way to do that without too much plonkingly dull exposition-style stuff, that might be a good place to give a sense of what kind of magic it is, as well as a sense of what makes sea elf culture/history distinctive.

After attempting to discuss and determine distances in game roja and I discovered how out of proportion most of the maps are. So i've kinda been cheating and never really saying how long it took to get from here to there (did you notice) which is hard, and getting even hard as now I'm working on a story where time is important.

 

In this case however I don't think it really is important to the story how long it takes for peino to get there, so you could just never reallly say exactly, or do like roja said, or what you mentioned.

 

Just throwing out an option, don't have to listen to me :P

You're right. I always have a problem doing that in first person stories, because the self-descriptions always strike me as awkward. I'll come up with something.

I like to slip in descriptions with actions, like 'I brushed my blonde hair out of my eyes and looked more closely at the book' or something like that. Put in enough of those and there is eventually a full description of the character, albeit slightly broken up. Just an idea :P

Edited by Enly

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-- Just how big is the ocean? Is there a map of the Draian globe in existence? Unable to see how the continents are arranged, I had to assume it was a straight passage from Portland to Irsis, with Annitora in the middle, but I knew as I was doing it, that might not fit with your concept of the world you created.

 

I currently don't have a map, but I do mean to make a map of the "known world" sometime. Broadly speaking, Seridia would be to the north west of Irilion which is in the south. Anitora isn't in the middle, it's pretty close to Irilion. Say.. 4x's the distance that IP is as close to Seridia.

 

 

-- I can extend the voyage to, say, about two weeks, with an explanation of the magic involved. I actually might like to do that because I mention sea elf magic and the conjuring of winds a lot in the story. None of that exists in game, so I was thinking it might be good to talk about it more. If I can find a way to do that without too much plonkingly dull exposition-style stuff, that might be a good place to give a sense of what kind of magic it is, as well as a sense of what makes sea elf culture/history distinctive.

 

You can do that.

Keep in mind the Great War was only ~4-5yrs. ago.

 

 

 

EDIT: NOTE: Some sea elf culture details may conflict slightly with EL officialdom. For instance, the dragon boat is the fastest way to cross between the continents, but the conceit of my story (which I really didn't make clear) is that this technology exists because the sea elf magic of wind conjuring for speed was lost with the downfall of the sea elf clans in the Great War.

 

Read the story written by Enly, Port Anitora & the dragon ship. That'll tell you what you can work around. The dragon ship was based on magic, afaik there's no reason why that can't be the same or similar to that the sea elves use.

 

 

The backstory of sea elves in my head is that they were another elf culture, with their own cities, politics, magicks, etc, but they suffered such heavy casualties fighting for Aluwen that most of what they contributed to Draian life was lost -

 

Perhaps they lived on some small islands?

 

I'll get to work on the changes and post a new version. It might take a little time. I'm dealing with some RL things (hand injury, work, etc). I might post some proposed changes here before finishing a new version, to get your feedback/approval on certain details I'd like to pull from the game.

 

No problem,take your time! :P When you make the revisions, please also create a new post with just the parts revised, so I don't have to read through the entire thing searching for them. Thanks!

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Slight concern, if this story is added to the official section it has a few parts which may clash slightly in the story i'm working on now.

 

The fort in Iscalrith is mentioned to have been built to protect against the yetis in the area in your story. However I am currently working on a story about the great war where the fort is built in relation to the war, beforehand patrols went across Iscalrith helping out travelers etc.

 

I could add that the fort remained for yeti protection and replaced the patrols, but my planned reason for its creation was as a defense against armies attacking from Hulda. It really isn't to important that you change anything in your story for it, but it might not make sense when i finish the great war story. But only the watchful would really notice it anyway.

 

-edit-

And also, if Roja approves of some concrete information you come up with for sea elves I could write them into the great war a little bit and explain their decline.

Edited by Enly

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I currently don't have a map, but I do mean to make a map of the "known world" sometime. Broadly speaking, Seridia would be to the north west of Irilion which is in the south. Anitora isn't in the middle, it's pretty close to Irilion. Say.. 4x's the distance that IP is as close to Seridia.

Good info, thanks.

 

You can do that.

Keep in mind the Great War was only ~4-5yrs. ago.

Really? Because the way I read a lot of the fragmented background info embedded in game, I got the impression it was at least a few decades, if not more than a century ago. Hm, that changes things. There's no way the sea elves could have lost their power so recently and have declined enough for people to think they are extinct.

 

I may have to go back into Draian history to find some other change in the story line to account for the sea elves decline.

 

Alternatively, I could reduce the decline from the sea elves as a tribe to just the House of Ereon as a family. That might make more sense.

 

 

Read the story written by Enly, Port Anitora & the dragon ship. That'll tell you what you can work around. The dragon ship was based on magic, afaik there's no reason why that can't be the same or similar to that the sea elves use.

Yes, I've used that as a reference. Also, I'm basing everything on the way spells are done in game.

 

 

Perhaps they lived on some small islands?

The sea elves are kind of semi-nomadic, sailing the seas constantly, establishing ports wherever the resources are good, but always considering the sea their true home. I had imagined them once being the controlling power in Irsis (as their capitol), but having lost that power. Maybe I will amend that to imagine Irsis as a sea elf city, if I change the backstory to be that it was just the House of Ereon that declined in power.

 

No problem,take your time! :( When you make the revisions, please also create a new post with just the parts revised, so I don't have to read through the entire thing searching for them. Thanks!

Will do. I may also post notes about sea elves to get your feedback before committing to it.

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Really? Because the way I read a lot of the fragmented background info embedded in game, I got the impression it was at least a few decades, if not more than a century ago.

 

I always thought so to :P. Not sure where I got the idea however, it would be nice if we could change some things that give that impression so people don't think it was a long time ago, but I don't even know where I got the idea it was a long time ago.

Edited by Enly

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Maybe I will amend that to imagine Irsis as a sea elf city, if I change the backstory to be that it was just the House of Ereon that declined in power.

 

 

I don't really like the idea. I think the sea elves should be something much more rare. There aren't that many elven cities to begin with, so I think you should keep them to a small area.

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Just a couple of notes on the IotF..

 

Originally I had planned it that no boat could make it to the land.. which is why there is a use of portals rather than ships to get to/from it. So technically this story would be kinda going against that.. but I can deal with that if there is a good enough explanation :icon13:

 

Also, I noticed with Bick's part... he sounds very forgetful :( The island's name should not be taken literal, people don't forget things while they are there... they are forgotten while they are there. So for example.. Bick might have family in Iscalrith.. but since he is here.. they don't remember him. Make sense?

 

I'll need to work with a storyline writer to write a backstory for IotF one day :(

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Maybe I will amend that to imagine Irsis as a sea elf city, if I change the backstory to be that it was just the House of Ereon that declined in power.

 

 

I don't really like the idea. I think the sea elves should be something much more rare. There aren't that many elven cities to begin with, so I think you should keep them to a small area.

If you don't mind me making up a land for them to come from -- something lost somewhere in the Larimone Sea -- I'll be happy to do that. But to be honest, I really don't think that all the details of sea elf history would fit with this particular story. I'd rather keep to hints (more of them) that would feed the readers' imaginations for now.

 

Actually, I was thinking of a "lost" island homeland for the sea elves anyway. If I could ever be rich enough, I was thinking I might even build it someday, as a guild map. But that's as much a dream as the Dream of the Red Witch, at this moment. :omg:

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Just a couple of notes on the IotF..

 

Originally I had planned it that no boat could make it to the land.. which is why there is a use of portals rather than ships to get to/from it. So technically this story would be kinda going against that.. but I can deal with that if there is a good enough explanation :omg:

 

Also, I noticed with Bick's part... he sounds very forgetful :D The island's name should not be taken literal, people don't forget things while they are there... they are forgotten while they are there. So for example.. Bick might have family in Iscalrith.. but since he is here.. they don't remember him. Make sense?

 

I'll need to work with a storyline writer to write a backstory for IotF one day ;)

Noted. However:

 

The entire episode on IotF was inspired by the way that map looks -- which you have to admit is very weird and magical. When I saw the hint about how it's going to be changed with the update, I was disappointed, because I realized it would make my story not seem to make sense, but I guess I'll just say that all the magic changed after the Sea King's Treasure was recovered. I'll be honest, I'm not anxious to change that part of the story because I felt the key to the lost Ereonis history was that it had somehow fallen out of time and space, into a place that is not a place, as I described it in the story. A place of forgetfulness, to symbolize how the Ereoni had forgotten it themselves.

 

All that mystical island stuff comes directly from old folklore as well as classic literature -- including the forgetfulness and trance-like state of the people there. For instance, the Greek classics always include islands where the heroes forget their homes, their quests, even their true natures -- such as the island of Circe and the island of the Lotus Eaters. In addition, the mists and fogs that separate one kind of reality from another are a staple of both sea lore and elf lore.

 

As for no boat being able to reach IotF, that was the point of needing the magical map and the Shadow to guide them through the mists. They sailed beyond the limits of all known maps, into uncharted waters, and when the quest was over, the Shadow vanished and the map was destroyed (the markings just evaporated off the parchment), so that no one will ever be able to find the route again. Remember, I mentioned that there wasn't even a dock at IotF.

 

I did that especially to avoid describing the location of the Iscalrith portal, by the way. If you describe it, even without saying where it is, it just becomes too easy to find.

 

Anyway, according to the Irilion map, IotF is so close to Iscalrith, it would take magic to make it inaccessible by boat.

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Well, if the treasure was on Isle of the Forgotten.. then what's the problem with what I described? Anything on that isle is forgotten, so it would make sense that the treasure would be forgotten too since it was on that isle.

 

As for the boat thing.. good point. I don't mind it :) And as for IotF changing.. only the one island will look that way (the one with the cave on it). The rest of the Isle stayed the same.

 

Bick's forgetfulness is something I'd only like to see in him, but not the other inhabitants. I have plans for them :blush:

Edited by Acelon

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Actually, I was thinking of a "lost" island homeland for the sea elves anyway.

 

That's what I suggested before, just an island somewhere..perhaps it was lost in the Great war for good..destroyed or something.

 

You don't have to go into lots of details about the sea elves, I was just thinking that more of an overview that what is now written to give the readers more of an idea what they're about.

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Well, if the treasure was on Isle of the Forgotten.. then what's the problem with what I described? Anything on that isle is forgotten, so it would make sense that the treasure would be forgotten too since it was on that isle.

 

As for the boat thing.. good point. I don't mind it :icon13: And as for IotF changing.. only the one island will look that way (the one with the cave on it). The rest of the Isle stayed the same.

 

Bick's forgetfulness is something I'd only like to see in him, but not the other inhabitants. I have plans for them :)

No, problem. Peino and Meagg will not hang out in the Isles long enough to meet anyone else, nor to get a sense of the community there. :)

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Actually, I was thinking of a "lost" island homeland for the sea elves anyway.

 

That's what I suggested before, just an island somewhere..perhaps it was lost in the Great war for good..destroyed or something.

 

You don't have to go into lots of details about the sea elves, I was just thinking that more of an overview that what is now written to give the readers more of an idea what they're about.

OK. I'm going to go work on the edits for a few days. :icon13:

Edited by peino

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Secondly, did you ever describe how Peino looks like? I don't remember reading anything about it..as the main character, I'd say that's rather important and I think you should include something about his appearance :devlish:

 

 

Huh. I didn't have any problem picturing Peino :), but I can see how this might be a problem for others. Are all sea elves "kelp" colored (as Mugs likes to say)? Or is this a distinguishing characteristic of Peino? I think that little bit of information might be enough to satisfy most reader's needs and should be fairly simply to add in to the general background of the sea elves.

 

And here is where you hate me...

 

“Hail, Uncle!”, I called.

 

There's no comma after the quotation mark when an exclamation or question mark is used inside the quote.

 

You are welcome to throw something large and heavy at me next time you see me (like the Oxford English Dictionary).

Edited by sygon

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If they are differently colored than what we have in the game that would be a bit of a problem..because in cases of races I like to keep it true to the stuff we have in game.

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Huh. I didn't have any problem picturing Peino :icon13:, but I can see how this might be a problem for others. Are all sea elves "kelp" colored (as Mugs likes to say)? Or is this a distinguishing characteristic of Peino? I think that little bit of information might be enough to satisfy most reader's needs and should be fairly simply to add in to the general background of the sea elves.

I am NOT kelp colored!!! Mugs needs a new monitor.

 

And here is where you hate me...

 

“Hail, Uncle!”, I called.

 

There's no comma after the quotation mark when an exclamation or question mark is used inside the quote.

 

You are welcome to throw something large and heavy at me next time you see me (like the Oxford English Dictionary).

I say the comma is correct, dammit! If you'd like to understand the total futility of arguing over such comma usages, I recommend the book Eats, Shoots and Leaves. It's all about grammar and proofreading. There's a hilarious anecdote about editors deleting and reinserting commas in endless warfare with each other. :hug:

 

If they are differently colored than what we have in the game that would be a bit of a problem..because in cases of races I like to keep it true to the stuff we have in game.

Sea Elves only come in colors available in EL. Think of all the dark complexions available to elves, and those are the most common colors of Sea Elves. Peino is Drow-colored -- gray/black skin and white hair -- but he's not a Drow. I picked that color because of a certain reference to dark, shadow-like elves being akin to ancestor spirits in some Germanic folklore, and also references to sea faerie/elves and merfolk sometimes taking the form of seals. Peino is SEAL-colored, not kelp-colored.

Edited by peino

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