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the war of the valley

how was the story  

9 members have voted

  1. 1. how was the story

    • it bored me
    • it was good but needs some work
    • it was great

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Part One

The Battle of the Valley


"Great . . . just great" I thought, as my best friend John and I set up our tent. It was our third week of marching endlessly toward the Valley of Mynadar, where we would be fighting a large Dwarven army.

"Relax" John said. "They’re just Dwarves. Their about three feet tall, how dangerous can they be?" He said,

"Plenty," I said, as I hammered in the last tent peg, "Plenty. They may be three feet tall, but, they are excellent craftsmen, and they use Titanium to make their soldiers weapons"

"We have fought Dwarves before and been victorious, why should this battle be any different?"

"It's . . . well, I just have a bad feeling about this"

"A feeling? That’s what you’re so bothered about? Listen, Lucan, lets just get some sleep. You will feel better in the morning."




"Lucan, wake up! Wake up!" I heard John yelling at me as I woke up,

"The General is calling an emergency meeting. We must hurry!"

"Ok, ok" I said, as I hurriedly got out of bed.

As we walked to the front of the camp I heard the General shouting,

"Ok is everybody here?" General Vooce asked " . . . good, then, The Dwarves’ army has spent the night marching and is only four miles away. If we hurry, we can attack them while they are still tired. However, their army is much larger than we first anticipated. They have joined forces with the Orchans."


"The 'Orchans'?" I asked John,

"Great" John said in a sarcastic voice, as the soldiers started talking amongst themselves.

"Silence!" General Vooce ordered.

"What will we do?" I asked, "There is no way we can defeat them."



"But grandfather?"

"Yes, Nardo?"

"Not now, Nardo, it was just getting good!"

"It's ok, Alice, what were you saying, Nardo?"

"The Dwarves are good people, My best friend is a Dwarf, why would they be with the Orchans? You said before that they are barbaric monsters."

"Well, Nardo, the Dwarves we were fighting were of Irillion, and under the command of Bioz, a follower of Mortos."

"Yes, but, the Dwarves in the valley are good people, and now you are saying that they are evil."

"Yes, well, let me finish the story. Then you will understand."

"And who is John? You’ve never mentioned him before."

"Well, John and I were best friends when I was your age. I just don’t like to talk about him much."

"Why not?"

"Patience, I'll come to that."



"Do not lose courage" General Vooce said, "we can still win this battle! Now go to your tents and prepare for battle, we leave in one hour!"



"ATTAACCKK!" the General cried, as we charged into battle. Somehow the Dwarves knew we were coming, and were ready for our attack. All at once both the Dwarven and Orchan army and our Elven army charged forward. I ran up to a Dwarf and swung my sword at him as hard as I could *clang* he stopped my sword with his battle axe, *clang, clang* I fought with the Dwarf until finally I hit him, and it knocked him back enough for me to slash at his neck . . . and he was down. All around me the battle was fierce, I couldn't tell who had the upper hand. I attacked an Orchan, *clang clang* as our swords hit and then *slash* he was down. I attacked another, and then another. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I fought. The battle went on for several hours, and eventually, the Dwarves and the Orchans had gained the upper hand. Soon after that, the General called a retreat.

"Where is John?" I asked, but, no one knew "No! No! He can’t be dead! He can't!", As looked frantically for him, I finally saw him on the ground, but he wasn’t moving. "No!" I said to myself, As I ran over to him, I noticed he was still alive. "Go, Lucan!" said John "Save yourself! Go without me!"

"I won't leave you!" I said, as I put him over my shoulder, and ran to catch up with the others.



*Gasp* "what happened?! Did he die?"

"Now who's interrupting, Alice?"

"Oh, be quiet, Nardo! So, Grandfather?"

"Just wait, Alice, it's coming. But, back to the story. Around one year later . . . "



"Sir," said the servant of the Elven King,

"Yes what is it now?"

"There is a Dwarf here that wishes to see you,"

"A Dwarf?" the king asked in shock,

"Yes, Sire, he said that he represents a large Dwarven tribe from the far south of Mynadar. They seek our help in taking control of the valley."

"Well . . . Send him in."


"Your Majesty" said the Dwarf as he bowed,

"My servant tells me that you seek our help in taking the valley, Why should we help you?"

"Well, your Majesty, we heard of the war of the valley, and thought you might be willing to help us, to take revenge on the Dwarves who serve Mortos for destroying your army."

"But, why do you not stay in the mountains?"

"The Dwarves serving Mortos are a shame to us all, so we want to drive them out of Mynadar and claim it for ourselves."

"Hm . . . very well then, We will help you. Go back to your tribe and tell them to meet us just outside of Mynadar."

"Thank you your Majesty! I will make great haste back to my people." After the Dwarf left, the king sent for General Vooce and said to him, "Assemble your soldiers, we are joining with a large tribe of Dwarves from far south of Mynadar to take over the valley."

"Dwarves?!" General Vooce asked in shock.

"Yes dwarves! They are from the south of Mynadar, they want to take the valley from the Dwarves who serve Mortos, and we are going to help them!"

"Yes, your Majesty" said the General, and then he left to gather the soldiers.




Part Two

The Fall of Bioz


"But, Grandpa, when are you going to tell us what happened to John?â€

"All right dear," Grandpa said, looking very sad "John had suffered several serious wounds in the battle, and died a few months afterward"

"Oh, that's horrible! I feel so sorry for him," Said Alice.

"Me to Alice . . ." he said sadly, "But, let's get back to the story . . . "



Once again, I found myself hammering tent pegs, we were on the march again, headed toward Mynadar where we would meet with an army of Dwarves, it was strange, seeing as how we had been fighting with Dwarves just one year earlier. But, a weak earlier, General Vooce called all the troops together for a meeting . . .



"All right men, this doesn't make much sense to me, but it's the King's order. We will be heading toward Mynadar to meet with an army of Dwarves from the south of Mynadar. We will be assisting them in taking control of the Valley from the Dwarves serving Mortos." General Vooce said.

Many of the soldiers started objecting, and complaining of fighting alongside their enemies, “Silence!" General Vooce shouted. "If you have a problem, take it up with the King! These are his orders. Now, go and get ready. We leave at dawn!"



So I finished setting up my tent and tried to get a good night sleep, it would be another long day of marching tomorrow. When I woke up the next morning, it wasn’t long before we were marching again. After six hours we finally met up with the Dwarven army. The Valley of Mynadar wasn't a very long march from here, so we were expecting the battle to start the next day."



The army of the evil Dwarf, Bioz, was about 100 yards away, the General gave the order to charge. The battle had begun.

I could see Bioz leading the enemy charge, wielding his titanium axe of fire. The two armies reached each other. A Dwarf came at me, but I parried the blow with my sword, and then stabbed him, but there were a great deal more Dwarves to fight. The battle raged on for what seemed like an eternity, men were dying all over, those that were still alive were exhausted. I saw General Vooce, trying to make his way to Bioz. Several Dwarves charged at him, but they couldn’t stop him, he made it to Bioz, he swung his sword at him, but Bioz parried the blow with his axe, they fought each other for several minutes, but finally Bioz saw an opening, and with a swing of Bioz' axe, the Generals head fell to the ground . . . I couldn’t believe my eyes, General Vooce was one of the greatest Warriors in the Elven army. My sadness quickly changed to anger, I fought my way to Bioz, killing whatever stepped in my way, he swung his axe, I parried it with my sword. We fought for what seemed like an eternity. I was grown too tired to fight. I used what energy I had left, and swung my sword as hard as a could, Bioz tried to stop it with his axe, but missed, my sword slashed him in the side. He was dead. At the sight of their leader dying, the army of Bioz lost all hope, and retreated. The army of the Dwarves and the Elves chased them far out of Mynadar. The battle was won.



"After the battle, we made our way back to Tirnwood. We marched into the city victoriously, after the King was told what happened, I was promoted to General. The Dwarves and the Elves made a peace treaty that has lasted to this day. Most people believe that the army of Bioz fled to Irillion after the battle, and are not planning to return to Seridia. But, others say that they are rebuilding their army, and preparing to return to Seridia, more powerful then ever, but, of course that’s just a rumor."

"Wow! That was an awesome story Grandpa" Nardo said.

"Yeah, can you tell us another one?" Alice asked

"I'm sorry kids, but, it's time for you to go home. I'll tell you another story next time you visit, okay?"

"All right. Goodbye Grandpa" said Nardo.

"Yeah, bye Grandpa" said Alice.




Edited by Alderan

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sorry, i've been lazy with it cause no one said anything :) but now that you said something ill get back to it, but, i want too know what tumaros think's he's the story dude right?



glad to know it's not boreing, and they said 12 year old's cuoldnt write, hah i sure showd them :wink:

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i wrote a little more but not enough to post, im not really working on it much because i dont know if tumaros like's it, he is the story dude, i want to know what you think of it tumaros! please, give me some feedback so i have a reason to write more :?

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It's good so far. I like the flashbacks and double-conversation. It's a very interesting style. You need to tighten up on the grammar and other technical details (or if you can't, just submit it to me once you've finished and I'll do it), but go ahead and continue. Also, remember to change the Minotaurs to Dreagoni now.



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i was gunna change them to orchans, but i think draegoni would be better. ill get back to writing it soon, i just cant seem to think of anything good lately, but ill work on it :)

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heh, I did a lot of grammar and punctuation fixes, but didn't go over it extensivly.. (Alderan, for those who don't know, is(unfortunatly enough :)) my brother >_>)

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Seeing as how it is yet incomplete. I cannot enter it into the contest at this time.


However, i'll enter it for you once you've finished it. It's looking good so far!


Thank you for participating!

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thanks quinticus. :D but i'm not sure if John will work out in the story, he doesnt have enough background so im thinking of taking him out, but im afraid it would mess up the story. =/

Edited by Alderan

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i was wondering if i could make chapter 1 part 1 of a trilogy or something, and enter it in the contest? incase i dont finish the whole thing by the deadline. and should i make the evil dwarves be from irillion, instead of "the northern lands"? :D


im going to edit the story in a minute, i changed some of the names to names of some of the members in my guild.



(sorry ive put three posts in a row on here... and all in the same day, i hope it's not considered spamming :) )

Edited by Alderan

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"well, with the Dwarves of Mortos gone we can use the valley as a place to trade and sell from our mines, if you help us we *sorry, dont know what to put here, what can dirty little Dwarves do for Elves anyways? lol. maybe i'll have lyanna think of something to put here. anyways, back to the story.*


eh.. forgot about that, ill work on it noww, should have it updated by tonight, and if not it will be by tomorrow :P

Edited by Alderan

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did you enter it how it is now? i updated it three minutes ago...


(sorry to keep annoying you with this :D )



yes it has been entered. best of luck!

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With some editing, this could nicely fill in the missing story around 2000 BGW listed in historical timeline


If you'd like to write this in to the main storyline, please check the other information about stories from around that time and make adjustments to suit.

one other point; grandfather telling the story, with it jumping forwards and back, works quite well here, but won't as well in a book

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ok, ill read the stories around it and do some editing. ill also take out the parts with the grandfather telling the story. :confused:

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