Jump to content
Eternal Lands Official Forums
Sign in to follow this  
Enly

Port Anitora and the Dragon ship

Recommended Posts

Great job! I think the last chapter might need just some more details. Anyway, here's a small critique on the last parts:

 

“Amazing, but he didn’t harm you at all? Just scared away Groden?”

“No, he blessed me in the name of the gods!”

 

-Here he only answers one of the questions.

 

 

“Oh what I would have given to be here! The ghost of The Slayer himself, how lucky you are my friend!”

 

-I'd have him say "spirit" here instead of ghost. Spirit sounds more meaningful and less scary, more like how Clark is talking about him.

 

 

 

 

“Nearly, I’m trying to set up the proper things so you can steer this thing,”

 

-things, i'd change this word to something else to give more variety(because you also say thing at the end of the sentence)

 

 

This continued for several minutes before suddenly the entire vessel flashed red for several seconds, it then faded to a orange, then eventually was gone all together. Clark jumped out of the boat.

 

-Here it sounds like the boat is what dissapears

 

 

“I’d love to! But I just can’t, unlike you I have responsibilities here on Seridia. You did not answer my question, when do you leave?”

“Well, isn’t now as good a time as any?”

“Yes, I suppose you are right, there is no point in waiting,”

 

I think this whole part can be rewritten a bit. It's very abrupt. Also maybe instead of Sarma leaving so quickly, have the 2 friends spend the night together and have Sarma leave in the morning. It can be a short paragraph, or maybe a couple with a small story of their past..just htink of 2 friends parting, sharing some memories. Those kinds of things build characters further.

You don't have to, was just an idea I wanted to throw out :happy:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alright, I'll fix those errors, sorry about the multiple uses of words... its a common mistake I make while I write, normally I fix them all before I post, didn't go over that chapter very well though.

 

About the hanging out with Clark, I'll think on it. Yes, I agree it is abrupt, yet when the more I thought about it I continued to think, why wait? Sarma dosn't have much of a life really, Clark is his only friend. Sarma is eager to get away and explore, and see where the dragon ship takes him. The character I have been slowly trying to develop with Sarma is more a withdrawn (and slightly depressed) one. Later as he comes into contact with more people, I have been planning to write him as being slightly uncomfortable with groups of people, and bored with small talk. More of a down to business gnome. I don't see him liking the idea of hanging around and chatting with Clark, he would get impatient and restless, and only want to go. That is just the character I have developed in my mind for Sarma.

 

As I said though, I am not fond of this chapter, and his abrupt departure is one of the things that I do not like, I am currently trying to work on writing it a better way, but it is giving me some trouble :happy:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alright, made those changes.

 

Here they are since I doubt you want to sift through the chapter again to find them:

 

“Amazing, but he didn’t harm you at all? Just scared away Groden?”

“No, never touched me, and he sure scared off Groden. Then he blessed me in the name of the gods!”

 

“Oh what I would have given to be here! The spirit of The Slayer himself, how lucky you are my friend!”

 

Nearly, I’m trying to set up the proper equipment so you can steer this dragon,”

 

This continued for several minutes before suddenly the entire vessel flashed red for several seconds, the light then faded to a orange, and eventually the glow was gone all together, leaving the boat sitting looking just as it had before. Clark jumped out of the boat.

 

“I’d love to! But I just can’t, unlike you I have responsibilities here on Seridia. You did not answer my question, when do you leave?”

Sarma looked around for several moments, thinking about it. He knew Clark would appriciate Sarma staying another night or two, allowing the two of them time to talk and say goodbye. Thats not what Sarma wanted though, he wanted to leave and explore as soon as possible. Finally Sarma answered.

"Tomorrow morning," he said "I want a chance to rest before I rush away,"

Clark smiled relieved, he had thought Sarma would leave right away without spending time on proper farewells.

“I loaded your supplies onto the ship while you were out,” spoke Clark. “I see you have enough for only a week,”

“Yes, I don’t want to be floating around in the middle of nowhere for anymore than a week. I’ll be done if I don’t make it in a week,”

Clark frowned but said nothing. He and Sarma spent the rest of the day talking, reminising on the time they had spent together. Clark could tell Sarma was restless and impatient, Clark was sure that Sarma had waited only for him. Eventually night fell, and morning followed quickly at its heals. Clark woke first and stared at the ship sadly. What fun it would have been to go with Sarma, yet he knew he couldn't. At last, Sarma stirred behind him. Knowing that Sarma would not wait any longer to be on his way Clark spoke.

“Good bye my friend, I pray that you will return to tell me of the wonderful lands you have discovered,” he said sadly.

 

This last one is still open to change, I still not sure if I like it, but I started typing and thats what I got. In general I am continuing to fool around with this chapter to make it better. If you have any more things that pop out as weird just shout them out, I'd be happy to alter anything that will make it better.

Edited by Enly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What you wrote above sounds much better.

There was one thing I picked out however:

 

Thats not what Sarma wanted though, he wanted to leave and explore as soon as possible. Finally Sarma answered.

 

Here it sounds like he's really excited to go! But that's contrary to Sarma's attitude you wrote here:

 

 

Am I read for this? He thought to himself. Am I really going to leave behind everything I know in search of a land that is likely a myth? He scratched a stick in the sand as he thought about it, he wasn’t leaving behind much. But this was all so much for him, an appearance of a ghost, the blessing of the gods, the knowledge that whatever he did would have lasting effects on the world. He had just wanted to get away from the persecution of his home. At first the idea for leaving was not really with a goal for getting anywhere, it was more of a suicidal mission in order to make himself feel like he would die doing something noble. Now, Clark was casting spells to make a ship fly, perhaps he would actually make it through this. Do I want to make it through this?

Sarma stood and looked at the mainland again, then turned and walked into the cave. There was no backing out now, he would go, and what would come would come.

 

He sounds like he doesn't really want to go, and that he thinks he's not going to make it, and that he's just going because he doesn't have many other options...not that he wants to go and explore! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes....

 

Alright how does this sound?

Thats not what Sarma wanted though, he wanted to leave as possible. There was nothing for him on Seridia, nothing at all! Why would he stay any longer than he had to? Finally Sarma answered.

 

I am also working on writing some stuff for the time they wait before Sarma leaves. You're right that is a good way to develop characters and there is very little about Clark so far.

Edited by Enly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alright, I finally got around to adding a little bit about Clark and Sarma's history. Its not much, but I was gonna use up to much space explaining Clark's character as he fades out of the story until the end now.

 

 

Clark frowned but said nothing. He and Sarma spent the rest of the day talking, reminiscing on the time they had spent together.

The two had met long ago; Clark had been staying with his friend who owned the magic shop in Whitestone City. Sarma had run into him at a tavern and the two had struck up a conversation. They were instant friends, and sent letters back and forth when Clark was at home in Portland. Sarma had traveled to Clark’s home in Portland once and learned Clark’s daily life at his magic shop. Sarma had been with Clark as he tried many different new spells, and stood by his friend when Clark tried to teach them to residence of Portland.

By far one of the most memorable times for both of them was when they had traveled to the city of Corren. The two had spent the night in the tavern and always remembered getting kicked out after they had gotten drunk and started singing.

It was sad to relive so many memories, and know that they would soon be parting, perhaps forever. When finally morning came and Clark was ready to bid Sarma goodbye, he had very little to say.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Two new chapters :D

 

Chapter 5

Anitora

 

Sarma sat in the boat for a while staring out the one small window fascinated and hypnotized by the water below him. After sometime though, the excitement began to wear off. He paced the insides of the ship impatiently. The boat had been made huge in order to incorporate the entire dragon skeleton in it, many people could have come with Sarma, there was plenty of room.

As the hours passed he grew hot and uncomfortable, the boat continued to glide forward, he didn’t really know where he was going, yet he had pushed the orb as far forward as it would go, and the ship seemed to be flying as fast as it could.

He began to become more and more aware of the coffin of The Slayer in the boat. He had shoved it to the rear of the vessel, yet still its presence was ominous.

Slowly the sun slipped below the horizon, and night fell. Sarma wrapped himself in a blanket and tried to sleep. He did not succeed though, the motion of the ship drove him mad, and he kept awaking in fear that the boat would suddenly fall from the sky. The darkness made the coffin all the more frightening as it lay there, silent in the back of the ship.

Sarma tossed and turned throughout the long night, then rose as soon as the first glimmers of sun reached the ship. He paced back and forth; occasionally adjusting the small orb, making sure it was as far forward as it would go.

As another day passed and night fell again Sarma grew even more impatient. How long would this pointless mission last until it was finally all over? Absolute depression seemed to have finally taken over him. He stopped eating, he wasn’t hungry anymore, he gave up trying to sleep the next night, and just stared hollow eyed at the wall. Soon, he became so exhausted that he fell asleep at last.

 

° ° ° ° ° °

 

Sarma heard a crash and jolted awake. Jumping to his feet he started to look around, only to be knocked to the ground again. Peering out of the one small glass window he saw darkness, and rain beating in heavy sheets against the roaring ocean. A flash of lighting provided light to the boat for a moment, in which Sarma saw that the coffin had rolled to the other side of the Ship. He scrambled to the window again and looked down.

The water was far closer than it had been before and waves were leaping up towards the vessel’s hull. He watched as lighting struck nearby, discharging its energy into the water.

Panicked and terrified he crawled to the front of the ship. He reached his hand out towards the orb to pull it up, but jerked back in surprise as his fingers slid across it. The orb was to hot to touch. Frantically Sarma ripped off his shirt and wrapped it around his hand, he reached out again to grab the orb, yet before he could touch it a wave smashed into the side of the ship.

He rolled backwards to the rear of the ship, which was now lower than the front. The wave had broken the window and washed water in. He tried to crawl back up to the orb again, and slipped. Another wave crashed against the side of the vessel allowing water to pour in. Sarma sputtered as the icy cold salt water poured over his head. He looked to the front of the ship towards the orb. As he watched the orb glowed red and then fell to the floor of the ship.

Sarma lurched forward as the vessel took a nosedive into the water. The coffin rolled past him and smashed into the area where the orb had been. Sarma winced has he saw small glass pieces fly out from under it.

Water was now flowing freely through the one window, and Sarma cursed himself for allowing Clark to add it. Seized by one final desperate idea Sarma stood and held the wall as he made his way to the coffin. Upon reaching it he used his last reserves of energy to haul it up, and lay on its side so it blocked the window. Sarma collapsed against it putting all his weight towards keeping it pressed hard against the small round hole. Water sloshed about his feet as the ship, now floating in the ocean, was tossed this way and that. Several times Sarma was thrown forward or to the side, and he was forced to reposition the coffin as more water flowed in.

All thoughts of just dying on this journey had vanished. There was no way he was going to give up, not after all the work he had done.

Sarma had now idea how long he sat there, fighting the pressure of the waves beating against the coffin. The storm raged on outside, lightening flashed and he could just barely make out the thunder over the roar of the waves, and the constant pounding of the rain. He was soaked; his hair fell in his eyes dripping salt water onto his nose. He couldn’t recall ever being as uncomfortable as he was then in his whole life.

In the end, the storm began to stop. Sarma shivered from cold as the waves slowly calmed and the rain stopped. He thanked the gods that storm had been short, and had passed over him swiftly.

As light came and he was able to pull the coffin away from the window he looked outside again. The water, when it was calm, sloshed several feet below the window. He looked around hungry at last; only to discover all his food had been saturated with water. He deeply regretted the fact he had not eaten the day before the storm.

He sat there on the gently rocking boat for the entire morning, and most of the afternoon. His stomach grumbled and ached; yet Sarma was not going to even attempt eating any of his soggy food. He drank greedily from the barrel of fresh water he had brought, and that assuaged his hunger somewhat. Unfortunately it was only liquid not food.

Afternoon dragged on, abruptly Sarma felt a jolt, as if the boat had hit something. Surprised he searched outside the window, all he saw was water. He sat still for awhile, the boat did not move at all. He began to realize what had happened. He must have hit land!

Excited he clambered up the ladder he and Clark had carved into the side of the ship. Unlatching the door on the top he crawled out.

Outside, on the opposite side of the ship from the window, was land. Whooping with joy he scrambled down the ladder carved into the outside and looked around.

Upon looking around he decided his situation had not improved. The island that he had landed on was small, two others lay nearby. Quickly he walked around and reasoned that the largest was the one his ship had run aground on, then there was another to the west, which was smaller, and a third to the south of the second. The last one was mostly just a huge lump of rock from what he could tell. The other two were naught but sandy ground, with a few trees and some grassy bushes.

Disappointed he searched the trees hoping for some sort of fruit, to his dissapointment he located nothing. When he searched more thoroughly across the island, A rock towards the east side of the island caught his attention. Engraved on it was the word ‘Anitora’.

The sign that someone had set foot on the island elated him. Only for a short while though, as night fell he settled down in his still damp blankets near the rock. The small sign of intelligence, of a presence of something not a beast at some point gave him hope. He lay there in the darkness reasoning that was likely the name of the islands, he thought about the word in his head searching for some meaning. But he continually came back to it being the island’s name. Tired and still hungry he let it fade from his mind. And slowly he fell asleep, on the islands of Anitora.

 

Chapter 6

Rescue

The night he spent on the island was the first good nights sleep he’d had since leaving. He awoke to the sun feeling well rested, despite his still grumbling stomach. This was now his third day without food, and his stomach was not the only thing affected by it at this point. Sleep notwithstanding he was weary and exhausted. Sarma's body had run out of energy to fuel itself, and he spent most of the day huddled near the rock.

The hours faded by, and he stared blankly out to sea, hoping against hope that some ship would come for him. Morning slipped into afternoon, and he chewed on grass roots, praying they would bring some sort of nutrition.

Night began to fall, and his vision blurred, he had never been so long without food. Staring blankly at the fuzzy horizon he thought back to his hasty departure. What if he had spent another day with Clark? Would he never have run into the storm? What if he had made his original boat, would he have sailed happily by this island without a care, ready to reach Irillion?

His eye’s drooped as he sat there. Jerking fully awake he stared out to sea. Blinking furiously he tried to clear the blur from his vision. At last he could see well enough to determine it had not been a dream. There, out on the ocean, was a light. Light could only be coming from a boat.

Stumbling wearily to his feet he watched its movement. It was coming from the northeast, and seemed to be heading southeast. Sarma hoped its arch would bring it close to the island. Quickly he looked around, there, some dry grass. Plucking it from the ground he quickly threw it in a pile, then ran and pulled down palm fronds from some of the shorter trees. He peeled off strips of bark as well and threw it all with the grass. Then he grabbed some flint from his pack and struck it together furiously, he had never lit a fire that way before. That sure wasn’t going to stop him now; there was a first for everything.

Eventually a spark flew into the grass and caught fire. Delighted with his success Sarma darted around gathering anything he though would burn and throwing it on the pile. He had half a mind to pry some boards from the ship, except he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Following the creation of his fire he proceeded to use what energy he had to jump up and down and yell. Subsequently the ship seemed to change course slightly. He watched with glee as he realized it was indeed coming towards Anitora now. Soon a rowboat was headed for shore, Sarma couldn’t make out the figure in it in the darkness, it greeted him kindly nonetheless.

“Well, didn’t expect to find a poor shipwrecked soul out here. And a gnome no less! Lucky for ye we’re heading straight to Arius from this here little island!” said the figure that greeted him. Sarma nodded and smiled with no idea what he was talking about. As they rowed back towards the boat the person continued to chatter.

“We’re making the long run from Melinis around the coast to Arius see? It’s not commonly used, but ol’ captain Bridden likes the route, so we takes it. Ye should always do what Bridden says if yur on her ship, right you should,” Sarma ignored most of the meaningless words, only stared ahead at the boat. Food, people, warmth, that was all he could think of. Soon enough he was climbing a rope ladder up the side of the boat.

A tall female elf walked up to him as he staggered onto the deck of the ship.

“Whoa there little fellow, are you alright?”

“Not really,” croaked Sarma, at last finding his voice.

“What do you need? Food? Water? Or maybe just rest? Name it sir and its yours,” Smiled the elf.

“Food if you please,” murmured Sarma.

“Oi!” shouted the person that had helped him to the boat. “You heard the gnome! He be needing food! Get it for him!”

Sarma registered vaguely that several crewmembers scrambled around, then they brought something to the figure.

“Here ye go little gnome, eat up,” Sarma turned to accept a loaf of bread and an apple from the man, yet the food dropped from his hands as he realized it was not a human. Smiling down at him was a tall green skinned figure; it had no hair, and a black bear. The most shocking thing was the two fangs on its lower teeth.

“Alright there?” questioned the female elf again.

“What, what are you?” stammered Sarma to the figure.

“Well I’m an Orchan obviously! Ain’t you ever saw one?” laughed the figure.

“No, no I haven’t. I don’t even know what that is,” spoke Sarma.

“Don’t know what that is? Well that be mighty strange, how could ye not know what an Orchan is? I confess I’m not yer average one, what with my strange speech and talkative manner, I be an Orchan though I assure ya,” he responded, with more laughter.

Shivering from the cold Sarma retrieved the bread from the ground and ate then entire loaf in under a minute.

“Hang on there sir, that’s no good for you!” the female elf grabbed his arm as he started in on the apple.

“The poor guys starving to death Bridden! Do you think there is more on the island?” asked the Orchan.

“I don’t know,” replied the elf, which was apparently captain Bridden. She turned and shouted to her crew. “Weigh anchor folks, and send a search part to the island. We’ll spend the night here and make sure there isn’t anybody else out there,”

The crew nodded and hurried to obey their captain’s orders.

“Come here sir, what’s your name?” questioned Bridden.

“Sarma,” he replied as his teeth chattered.

Bridden raised her eyebrows apparently surprised at the name but said nothing.

“Well then, come on. We have a few nice passenger quarters below deck,"

She guided Sarma down below deck and into a small room. Despite its size it worked for Sarma, it was a warm bed, and Bridden promised that there would be more food waiting for him when he awoke. She left and proceeded to the deck where she shouted several more orders to her crew. Sarma didn’t hear he was already falling asleep. It barely registered that he had likely discovered residents of Irillion, or at least some other continent. Had he been well fed and rested he would have been overjoyed, and asking the people a thousand questions. He was neither well fed or rested though, and he was going to fix those things first. He fell asleep, oblivious to the fact he was the first Seridian to make contact with Irillians in centuries.

 

° ° ° ° ° °

He awoke sometime later, to find food next to his bead as promised. Eating quickly he filled his empty stomach. As he finished he heard yells above him, he set down his plate and made his way above deck.

“’Morning Sarma,” smiled the Orchan as he past him. “Me names Narran by the way,” he smiled.

Sarma nodded and looked around for Bridden, the captain. He spotted her coming over the side of the ship from the shore.

“Sarma,” she smiled as she saw him. “Feeling all right?”

“Yes, thank you,” responded Sarma. He was about to ask her several questions but she interrupted.

“We looked around the island there, didn’t find anybody else. Were you alone on your voyage?” She asked.

“Yes, yes I was,”

“That’s a curious ship you have there, look to be very beat up sadly. I suppose you probably had a run in with a storm?”

“Yes,”

“Well, we are about to pull up anchor and continue towards Arius now, if there is anything you want on that island, speak now,”

“The coffin, I need the coffin! Is it still there?”

“Yeah, it is. Why do you care about that coffin?”

“I-,”

“Never mind, we’ll hear your story later, I want to get away from the island while the wind is still good. Narran, Heitu, get the coffin quickly please!” Narran and a young human nodded and clambered down into the little boat. Sarma watched as they slowly rowed back towards shore.

“Wait in my cabin Sarma. Once we are off I’ll hear your tale,” requested Bridden.

Sarma made his way across the deck and entered the cabin she had pointed towards. It was small, like everything on boats was; yet it was cozy. He sat down at a table in the center of the room and looked around. The maps that decorated the walls were completely unfamiliar to him. He stood and examined them. Upon closer investigation he found one that depicted an entire continent. Written in the ocean at the edges in bold print and capital letters, was IRILLION.

“By the gods, I actually made it, I’m here,” he breathed.

“What?” Bridden had just entered the cabin and had heard him murmur to himself.

“So, this is Irillion?” asked Sarma excited.

“Er, yes, what else would it be?” Bridden was puzzled. “Who are you?” she asked puzzled. “And where are you from?”

“I am Sarma the gnome, from Seridia!”

“Seridia?” shouted Narran; he had just entered the cabin. “Ye mean to say you sailed here all the way from Seridia!”

“I didn’t sail, I flew,” stated Sarma.

Bridden stood shocked and looked to Narran. “Aluwen help us, you don’t think?” she started.

“No, no he couldn’t be!” said Narran.

“But the name!”

“That was years ago,”

“And he flew!”

“Yes, but,”

Sarma interrupted the two before they could continue. “What is it? What are you two talking about?” he yelled.

“How old are you Sarma?” questioned Bridden.

“Not much past 30, why do you ask?” he answered, still very confused.

“There you have it Bridden! It can’t be him, he’d have to be hundreds of years old!” spoke Narran.

“Tell us the whole story will you Sarma?” asked Bridden kindly.

“The whole story?” sighed Sarma.

“Yes, where you came from and how you got here,”

“Alright, it’s a bit of a tale, but I’ll go through what is important,”

Sarma, Bridden, and Narran all sat down at the table. Sarma began to explain to them what had happened, and how he had gotten to Anitora.

 

 

I'm gone all week, so my appologies for any ensuing inactiveness :laugh:

 

-edit-

Fixed the use of a wrong name kindly pointed out by acelon. And also fixed a hundred grammar and spelling errors.

 

-edit- more spelling/grammar :evilgrin:

Edited by Enly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

back from my little vacation, and here is chapter 7 :D

 

Chapter 7

Arius

 

Bridden and Narran had been shocked by Sarma’s tale, they asked a thousand questions during the trip to Arius. Why did he leave? Were there gnomes and Orchans on Seridia? How about Draegoni? Elves? What did people eat? What did they wear? How did they live? Sarma tried to answer all their inquiries as best he could. Before he knew it he heard the look out shouting that he had spotted Arius.

Sarma was nervous; he was about to step off the boat into a city of gnomes. An entire city of them! What were they like? He was also nervous how the people of Irillion would treat him. Bridden and Narran seemed nice, yet as he observed Bridden’s ship he realized they were practically pirates. When he had asked Bridden about whether her ship ever took part in illegal activities, Bridden had laughed and asked what Sarma considered illegal. After a moment of confused silence Bridden said that she indeed had bent laws before, but never attacked people or ships.

All that brought him back to the question, would he be welcomed? Perhaps they would treat him as an honored guest, an ambassador from a far off land. Or maybe they would shun him, be appalled at some difference in his ways or speech. Sarma wasn’t sure which would be worse.

Sarma ran out of time to consider what would happen; the boat was now at the docks. He stared in wonder at the city as Bridden’s crew jumped from the boat and began tying the ship to the docks.

The city before him was stunning. It was also obviously gnomish. Every building had doors the perfect size for gnomes. They were round and friendly looking with sturdy brick walls. Rising from the center of the city, very near to the shore was a large palace like building.

“Is that the castle?” Sarma asked Narran.

“Castle?” Narran let out a laugh. “No, that be the magic school, one of the finest on Irillion. Are there magic schools on Seridia?”

“Yes, the one in Tarsengaard is the largest,”

“Tarsengaard? There is really a Tarsengaard magic school? Well, I’ll be. Mayhap this here world isn’t so full of myths after all, maybe they all be true!”

“So who is in charge of the gnomes? Have they got a king? Or an Emperor?”

“The gnomes elect a governor for life, who is supported by a small group of advisors. Most areas have groups of elders that are in charge as well. Gnomish government is very loose; there is little crime and only small disagreements. The governor or the elders handle whatever problems do pop up,” Bridden replied to Sarma's question as she walked up. “Now are you two slackers prepared to disembark?”

“Yes ma’am,” Narran replied with a grin.

“Good, I sent a runner ahead to announce the presence of our dear guest Sarma, so be warned sir, you may have a welcoming party,” Bridden winked at Sarma.

“Welcoming party?” croaked Sarma.

Bridden and Narran laughed.

“Captain!” a shout came from across the deck. “What do you want us to do with the coffin?”

“Leave it in the hold,” responded Bridden. The man across the deck nodded. Sarma watched as he darted below deck then returned with a bag and left the ship. As Sarma looked around he realized most of the crew had now disembarked onto the bustling docks.

“Well Sarma? Are you ready to step into a whole new world?” laughed Bridden.

“No, but I’ll have to soon enough, might as well do it now,” Sarma drew in a breath and stepped off of the boat onto the gangplank.

He was immediately thrown into a chaotic crowd. Bridden slipped around him and led him up a ladder off the docks and into the main city. He passed a small marketplace to his left then before he knew it was standing on the steps of the magic school. Rather than leading him inside Bridden turned and motioned him to follow down a flight of stairs into the heart of the city. A beautiful fountain splashed in the center of the square. Houses and shops dotted the borders and trees grew in grassy areas. Sarma watched as people sat on benches, sold things, bought things, laughed with friends. And they were all gnomes! Nobody was discriminated against, since they were all short gnomes. He got the feeling these people wouldn’t have cared if he were twenty feet tall though. As he stepped into the square a fine looking gnome walked towards him a group of attendants and curious people behind him.

“Is this our amazing visitor?” shouted the gnome over the crowd.

“It is, Governor Yuwon,” said Bridden with a bow.

The gnome, Governor Yuwon, strode forward and grabbed Sarma’s hand. As he shook it he smiled.

“I am the male speaker for our gnomish senate. An incredible pleasure to meet you sir, I cannot wait to hear your story. I’m sure you are curious about us as well though. Oh, this is wonderful, there haven’t been ties between our to continents for a very long time. Do you think it is possible for you to get back? And bring more people here?” Yuwon was obviously thrilled by his visit and didn’t know what to say first. Sarma smiled and responded.

“It is an honor to be here sir, I cannot wait to share with you about my own continent, and learn more about yours. I would much appreciate it though, if such sharing of information was done in a quieter place. Rather than yelling over the noise in the heart of your fine city,”

“Oh please call me Yuwon. And of course, of course we can find someplace better to talk. I’d like you to stay with me at my own house here in the city, would you enjoy that?”

“I suppose I would sir, but where will captain Bridden and her crew be lodging? I have come to know them, and enjoy their company,”

Bridden smiled widely at Yuwon from Sarma’s side and Yuwon looked slightly flustered. Either he disliked Bridden, or he wanted the gnomes to be the sole race to welcome this new continent.

“They, they are their own people, I know not where they stay,” said Yuwon.

“Well sir, why don’t they lodge with you as well? I’m sure you have a wonderfully large home, let us share it with the people who helped me get here to Arius. Perhaps it could be a thank-you, that they brought me here, rather than to perhaps the Idal empire,” Sarma had no idea what the Idal empire was, he had only seen it on Bridden’s map, but apparently him being a guest of the Idal empire would have been a very bad thing. For Yuwon suddenly smiled.

“You are right little gnome. They did bring you here, perhaps Bridden does harbor some loyalty to our little Gnomish land after all,” Yuwon said.

“I do Yuwon, I always have. Perhaps now you will believe me,” Bridden smirked.

“Let us stop this senseless chatter in the streets, come, we will go to my house. Indeed there is room for many there, invite your crew Bridden, invite your friends,” Yuwon smiled widely and led Sarma away into the crowds.

 

° ° ° ° ° °

 

At long last Yuwon, Sarma, another gnome who was one of Yuwon's advisors, and Bridden sat at a low round table in Yuwon’s house. Sarma had insisted on Bridden’s presence. As they were served mugs of hot tea Yuwon spoke.

“Now, my friend, I have yet to learn your name,”

Sarma hesitated; his name had earned a strange reaction from Narran and Bridden. They had never told him what they had been talking about.

“Sarma,” he replied finally.

Yuwon, and the other gnome, Hani, gasped.

“Sarma?” sputtered Hani. “Does that mean you… that you’re?” Hani seemed to think Sarma would know what he was talking about.

“I don’t understand what you mean, Bridden and Narran had the same reaction to my name, would you kindly explain what you mean?” Sarma questioned.

Yuwon cleared his throat.

“Well, long ago. There was an incredible engineer in this city, know as LaForge. He built many things, including most of this city. One day, long ago. He set out from our shores in search of a new land. He was accompanied by his brother, Sarma,”

Sarma gaped at Yuwon for a moment. Several things fell into place in his head and he turned swiftly to Bridden.

“Bridden, I need the coffin in here as soon as you can get it,” Sarma whispered. Bridden nodded and darted out the door, then came back a minute later.

“Narran is on his was to fetch it, why do you need it?” she questioned.

Sarma shook his head, and then turned to the gnomes.

“Forgive me sirs, I need to check something. While we wait though, I can assure you that that was not I. My mother washed up on the shores of Seridia pregnant and alone. I was named Sarma because of a necklace she wore, bearing that name. I still have that necklace with me,”

Slowly Sarma reached into his pocket and pulled out the necklace, he had always kept it with him.

Bridden, Yuwon and Hani all stared at the necklace.

“That belonged to Bella of Kyriban. She fell overboard in a boat that sailed past Anitora, in an attempt to find Seridia. The boat returned, bearing news of her death. She had been the wife of one of the men on the ship. She had also been the last living descendent of Sarma,” whispered Hani.

“You knew her well?” asked Sarma

“Her husband was my brother,” Hani croaked.

“Was?” Sarma asked.

“He threw himself into the sea after he returned from the voyage,” Hani explained sadly.

There was a moment of silence, then the door opened. Narran walked in bearing the coffin with the help of another crewmember. The dropped it onto the floor, then left.

“What is that?” yelled Yuwon.

Sarma did not respond, but bent down and felt the edges of the coffin. Feeling the rusted latch he pried it slowly open. He stared in amazement at the coffin’s contents, an ancient skeleton, its flesh and clothes long gone. But there was some metal, old jewelry sitting in the coffin, along with a sword. The sheath seemed to have fallen apart, but the sword, though old was still intact.

Sarma picked up the sword, and brushed years of dust from the hilt. Some odd runes were engraved on it. He held up the sword to the light, and then handed it to Hani.

“Do those runes mean anything to you?”

Hani’s eyes opened wide in wonder. “Yes, yes they do. They spell Sarma,”

 

I'm begining to finally near the end... sorry its been so incredibly long, there was just so much to be told B)

I think I need to work on my abilty to write SHORT stories :D

 

-edit-

changed something making it clear that Yuwon is the speaker for the gnomish senate, kinda left that out before

Edited by Enly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very good Enly! Don't worry about the length, I think it's fine. You need longer lengths to tell good stories if need be :)

 

Somethings I found:

 

Then he grabbed two stones and struck them together furiously, he had never lit a fire that way before. That sure wasn’t going to stop him now; there was a first for everything.

 

I may be wrong, but unless they are flint rocks, he can hit them all he wants but there won't be any sparks :P So perhaps he packed some flint with him for his journey, or even a fire essence ;)

 

 

Here ye go little gnome, eat up,” Sarma turned to accept a loaf of bread and an apple from the man, yet the food dropped from his hands as he realized it was not a man.

 

Well he was a man, as in male. Man does not have to mean HUman. man/woman=male/female. I know that some authors use man=human, like in LOTR, personally I don't like doing that though.

 

 

 

“So who is in charge of the gnomes? Have they got a king? Or an Emperor?”

“The gnomes are governed by an elected senate,”

 

The gnomes wouldn't be governed by a senate, that is something much more organized and serious than gnomes would do, something for humans. The gnomes are more happy-go-lucky...Perhaps they have a leader, but he/she would be loosely in charge of things, with some helpers.

Edit: The one exception to this would be if some more organized, unique gnome who visited human lands or read about their govemernments takes it into his head to create such a thing and name himself senator over the people...but the people wouldn't really take him seriously as they would in a human city.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I may be wrong, but unless they are flint rocks, he can hit them all he wants but there won't be any sparks :) So perhaps he packed some flint with him for his journey, or even a fire essence :P

 

I made a spark when I just rubbed a couple of lava rock together once whilst messing around on a camping trip. I'm not sure exactly how it works so I'll change it to flint though

 

Well he was a man, as in male. Man does not have to mean HUman. man/woman=male/female. I know that some authors use man=human, like in LOTR, personally I don't like doing that though.

 

Alright, I don't really equate man with human either normaly, I'm not sure why I put that, I'll fix it

 

 

The gnomes wouldn't be governed by a senate, that is something much more organized and serious than gnomes would do, something for humans. The gnomes are more happy-go-lucky...Perhaps they have a leader, but he/she would be loosely in charge of things, with some helpers.

Edit: The one exception to this would be if some more organized, unique gnome who visited human lands or read about their govemernments takes it into his head to create such a thing and name himself senator over the people...but the people wouldn't really take him seriously as they would in a human city.

 

I stole that info from lyanna's overview of polotics on c2, so you will have to take it up with lyanna :P

 

Ok, so here are the changes I made:

 

Then he grabbed some flint from his pack and struck it together furiously, he had never lit a fire that way before. That sure wasn’t going to stop him now; there was a first for everything.

 

I'll admit to being dumb here I really have no clue how flint rocks work, so thats the best description I can give. If any more educated folks would like to let me know how to write it I'd be happy to listen ;)

 

I didn't use a fire essence, because I don't know what kind of effect water would have on them. Does getting a fire essence soaking wet ruin it? Or does it still work fine?

 

Here ye go little gnome, eat up,” Sarma turned to accept a loaf of bread and an apple from the man, yet the food dropped from his hands as he realized it was not a human.
Edited by Enly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

I made a spark when I just rubbed a couple of lava rock together once whilst messing around on a camping trip. I'm not sure exactly how it works so I'll change it to flint though

 

Ah ok, I honestly don't know much about that stuff myself ;)

 

 

 

 

The gnomes wouldn't be governed by a senate, that is something much more organized and serious than gnomes would do, something for humans. The gnomes are more happy-go-lucky...Perhaps they have a leader, but he/she would be loosely in charge of things, with some helpers.

Edit: The one exception to this would be if some more organized, unique gnome who visited human lands or read about their govemernments takes it into his head to create such a thing and name himself senator over the people...but the people wouldn't really take him seriously as they would in a human city.

 

 

I stole that info from lyanna's overview of polotics on c2, so you will have to take it up with lyanna :P

 

Don't mean to be rude, but what I say goes here. So it needs to be changed to one of the 2 ideas I presented, unless you've got another idea! :)

 

One other thing: the ONLY stuff that is official, and can be officially used without my approval, is the stuff in the official public sections. Everything else needs my approval first.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

*sigh* the woes of writing for someone other than ones self, you don't get to make the rules ;)

 

ok... so how about this :P . Gnomes of Arius have a govenor, elected for life. He has a small counsel of advisors that help him make big desicions (which are rarely made). The majority of the gnomes life is ruled by small groups of elders in certain areas. Even those bodies have little power and effect on the people, mostly their duties entail taking care of rare crime and perhaps settling the odd disagrement between gnomes.

 

Is that loosely enough in charge? or were you thinking even more no real power?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

*sigh* the woes of writing for someone other than ones self, you don't get to make the rules ;)

 

True, but also look at all the freedom you do get :P

 

 

ok... so how about this biggrin.gif . Gnomes of Arius have a govenor, elected for life. He has a small counsel of advisors that help him make big desicions (which are rarely made). The majority of the gnomes life is ruled by small groups of elders in certain areas. Even those bodies have little power and effect on the people, mostly their duties entail taking care of rare crime and perhaps settling the odd disagrement between gnomes.

 

I think this is a bit better. Basically it all comes down to what kind of people are the gnomes. As I mentioned they are much more care-free and less organized than humans would be. They are not the kind of people to have crime; although perhaps a petty theft every now and then-and most of the times an accidental one. So they live in peace with each other, although they can surely get into arguments, but it never escalated into violence. They're not warriors; although there can be an exception here or there(obviously the game world goes off on a separate tangent with many of these things).

They are very friendly and unbiased towards all races-even monsters if the monsters won't hurt them. So they also try to settle in peaceful places, away from monsters which they are not good at defending themselves against...however if they do have to defend themselves, they do it with contraptions and devices they engineer. Fighting is a last resort for them.

They are inventors, dabblers, artisans, craftsmen, pack-rats...that sort :)

 

Hope that explains gnomes better for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alright, I think I get your meaning now :P

 

Brilliant, I've been completely stuck on the next bit of the story and that paragraph just gave me the perfect idea to make everything work.

 

Thanks Roja ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alright, first off here are the changes I made for the different government:

 

“Who is in charge of the gnomes? Have they got a king? Or an Emperor?”

“The gnomes elect a governor for life, who is supported by a small group of advisors. Most areas have groups of elders that are in charge as well. Gnomish government is very loose; there is little crime and only small disagreements. The governor or the elders handle whatever problems do pop up,” said Bridden as she walked up.

 

I also edited some slight things where it refered to either Yuwon, or Hani as senator. Yuwon is refered to as govenor, and Hani is explained to be one of his advisors.

 

I plan to read over the story several times to make sure I change all the references to senator. If someone notices something I didn't fix please shout it out.

 

That done, here is the next chapter :D

 

 

Chapter 8

Times are Changing

 

“Wow, this is an amazing sword,” Henau, Hanoi’s son whispered in awe to Sarma. It was the day after Sarma’s arrival on the island and he had shown the weapon to the curious young gnome.

“Yuwon and your father seemed very appalled by the weapon,” Sarma said.

“Well, obviously wherever you were raised you ended up rather different from us gnomes of Arius,” Henau replied. “We are peace loving folk, we don’t have warriors or weapons, and the only things we ever use to defend ourselves are things we have engineered. And we hardly ever have a need to defend ourselves, we live in peace with the other races and animals,”

“Why was Sarma a warrior then? He slew a dragon, he definitely wasn’t an inexperienced fighter,”

“According to the legends, Sarma was always a little different. He had an unnatural interest in weapons in fighting. He was also a talented mage. Yet rather than study the peaceful magic most gnomes practiced, he studied other magic. Magic for fighting, and defense in battle, magic to kill,”

“I’m guessing your people didn’t take well to his interests?”

“No, he was not liked by the general populace, his only friends were his brother, and the gnome who became his wife,”

“That’s why he left with his brother? To get away?” Sarma was amazed at how similar he seemed to be to his ancestor and namesake.

“Yes, he thought he would leave with his wife and brother and go on some grand and noble venture to mysterious and dangerous lands. Things did not go as planned, his wife disagreed with him on his desire to leave, and refused to accompany him. In his anger Sarma left quickly with his brother. I have always wondered if he regretted abandoning his wife,”

Sarma spent long hours with Henau, his cousin was very intriguing. Henau was only 18, but very smart and fascinated with the idea of Sarma’s flying dragon ship. The young gnome was also slightly different from the rest of his people. He was genuinely a peaceful young man, yet he loved to learn and explore. There were maps drawn by Henau that decorated the walls of his room, maps of Arius as well as maps of other regions on Irillion.

 

° ° ° ° ° °

 

Henau looked up suddenly from a book he was reading in his house’s library. Because Sarma was a relative of Hani, he had stayed with his family. Sarma sat nearby in the library reading a book called Irillion, its Legends and History.

Henau walked over to Sarma. “Sarma, I think I know how to fix your ship,”

“What? Are you serious? It can be fixed?” Sarma was ecstatic, he wanted so badly to return to Seridia and prove to the people there the great accomplishment he had made.

“I’m not positive it will work.” Henau continued. “I’ve been considering what you explained as far as what you know Clark did and what happened that caused the spell to fail,”

“You know what spell he used?”

“I believe so. It was a rudimentary form of a spell we have advanced much farther now. He doubtless found it in some book of Sarma’s. Since the spell is very similar to what it was in his time. Our mages have perfected it; I believe I can cast it again on your ship. Not only will it fix it, it will make it faster, and the spell will be much stronger. Likely permanent unless removed by another mage,”

More excited than Sarma could even describe he and Henau went to find Yuwon. They asked him permission to return to Anitora and attempt to fix the ship.

“Bridden is restless, she has remained here in order to keep an eye on you. I’m sure she would be delighted to take you back to Anitora. And, I would like to accompany you as well. Doubtless Bridden has already sent out messages to her contacts amongst the races to notify them of your presence. I want to meet with whatever diplomats they have already likely sent to Anitora,” Yuwon told them.

During the journey back to Anitora Sarma considered what Yuwon had said. He had nearly forgotten how much effect this event would have on the entire continent of Irillion. They might be able to conduct trade with Seridia after years of separation. All the races would want to meet him, to hear his tale as Yuwon and Hani had. Sarma wasn’t sure how many retellings he was up to, and he had no idea what the other races reaction to him would be. What if some of them saw a connection to Seridia as a threat?

All worries vanished for a time from his head as he set foot on Anitora again. An entire village of tents seemed to have sprung up in his absence. Weaving their way through the confusion Sarma spotted many races. Elves, dwarves, humans, orchans, gnomes, and a tall and imposing dragon-like race flitted about between the temporary houses.

“Draegoni,” Henau murmured in Sarma’s ear as the followed Yuwon through the maze of tents.

“What?” Sarma asked.

“The tall folk you were staring at. They are draegoni, said to be descendents of the dragon god. There are a variety of different colored scales and horns they posses,” Sarma stared at one as Henau began to explain more. The draegoni he watched had blue hair and a beard. Small white horns protruded near to his large almost bat-like ears. Several white scales glittered on his hands and face as well.

“They live in the south,” Henau was explaining. “In the cold island areas, the are a proud race with several grand cities,”

Henau’s explanation was cut short as the small group reached the gap between the two main isles. A bridge had been constructed between them and there were short pillars in the water on either side.

“What makes you think you have a right to construct statues of your heroes here?” demanded a draegoni. Sarma realized it was the one he had noticed only a few minutes before, an identical one stood beside him.

“This will likely be a thriving market soon, belonging to all the countries and races of Irillion, I only wanted to leave the mark of my people,” responded a human. He had short-cropped white hair and dark skin.

“We told you that bridges between the island would be fine Ian, we did not-“ the human interrupted him.

“Since when are you in charge draegoni, you have no authority over me!” Ian growled.

“Enough!” Bridden stepped between the pair of draegoni and Ian.

“Bridden!” one of the draegoni exclaimed. “Did you bring the gnome?”

“Yes she brought ‘the gnome’,” Sarma stepped forward facing the tall draegoni.

“Sir, it is our pleasure to meet you,” said one of the two draegoni.

“Please do remind us of your name,” the other requested.

“I’m Sarma, of Seridia,” he replied.

“I am Annaeh, of the city of Dra’syn, and this is my twin brother, Assain,” he motioned to his companion as he spoke.

“I am Ian of Idaloran city,” Ian said as he stepped forward. “The empress of the Idal Empire welcomes you to Irillion, and sends her regards,”

“Your greetings are all well and good, but I would like to know where my ship is,” Sarma stated.

“Oh, don’t worry we moved it into the cave on the first island, to keep it out of the whether, and broke entrance in the island side of the cave, Ian was kind enough to build a bridge from there to the second island,” Assain said.

“Thank you,” Sarma began to move across the bridge towards the cave, his companions in his wake. They left Ian to continue his argument with the two draegoni.

As they walked into the cave Sarma looked at his ship, it sat proudly on the small beach inside the cave. He looked past it to the opening in the rock face; this was a perfect dock for his boat. If he were able to return to Seridia, he would surely try to land here on Anitora for any return journey. This small-unclaimed island was a far better place to stop than the coats of Arius, or the nearby Idaloran docks.

“Henau? Will you be able to fix it?” Yuwon asked.

“I sure hope I can,” Henau smiled and began to examine the boat, Sarma following close behind him. Silently Sarma thought of how shocked the people of Whitestone would be when he returned. He couldn’t wait to see the face of people such as Groden. Those thoughts in his head he clambered inside the ship after Henau to see what he could do to help.

 

-edit-

pack-rats, that sort

to me pack rats are annoying little rodents that eat any sort of flower or garden you plant where I live. And they try to make their homes in the engines of your car, jumping up from underneath and getting themselves killed when you turn the car on. I don't think of gnomes as pack rats :wub:

 

sorry, thats really irrelavent, I do get your meaning on the gnomes :(

Edited by Enly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
And we hardly ever defend ourselves, we live in peace with the other races and animals,”

I think it would sound better like this:

 

And we hardly ever have a need to defend ourselves,

 

 

maps of Arius as well as maps of other countries on Irillion.

 

I woudl say regions instead of countries here. Because they really aren't "countries".

 

 

 

One other thing, gnomes can do magic, but I wouldn't say that they are very proficient in it. Perhaps this would be a good way to incorporate someone from the Magic school in Arius, and have him/her do the spell and know of it to fix the ship, instead of a gnome. Perhaps the grandmaster there.

 

Other than that, it all sounds good..oh except for some spelling/grammar errors i noticed here and there :icon13:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And we hardly ever have a need to defend ourselves,

changed

I woudl say regions instead of countries here. Because they really aren't "countries".

changed

 

One other thing, gnomes can do magic, but I wouldn't say that they are very proficient in it. Perhaps this would be a good way to incorporate someone from the Magic school in Arius, and have him/her do the spell and know of it to fix the ship, instead of a gnome. Perhaps the grandmaster there.

 

Hmm, ok that will take a little bit of a re-write of this latest chapter to fit in, but I'll work on it. Grandmaster would be cool, is this the right time setting for Nerala to be there?

 

Other than that, it all sounds good..oh except for some spelling/grammar errors i noticed here and there :P

 

I'll do some more read throughs for that, It normally takes me several times to clear everything up :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
One other thing, gnomes can do magic, but I wouldn't say that they are very proficient in it. Perhaps this would be a good way to incorporate someone from the Magic school in Arius, and have him/her do the spell and know of it to fix the ship, instead of a gnome. Perhaps the grandmaster there.

 

Hmm, ok that will take a little bit of a re-write of this latest chapter to fit in, but I'll work on it. Grandmaster would be cool, is this the right time setting for Nerala to be there?

 

I think so. I'm thinking your story took place not too long from the present day's time frame. maybe 5-10 yrs

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alright, here at last is a revised chapter 8.

 

There are no handy quotes of what I changed because I pretty much changed the entire chapter. Not just changing stuff for Nerala to fit in, but to accomadate my new plans for the ending. And just in general revising it because my origanal chapter 8 was pretty crappy :pickaxe:

 

It took awhile because this leads greatly into the end of the story and the plot kept changing for the end :D . It also took awhile because I've been busy in real life. Thats a good thing though, because all the distractions gave me time to think of a good ending.

 

I've written this chapter with Nerala in it, and am completely oblivious to what is already established about her from Pyewacket's story (I havn't read it because I just havn't had time). So I tried to avoid any real information about Nerala. For what little things she does say I pretty much guessed at her personality. Basically what I am saying is if anything she does or says seems out of character for the person Pyewacket etablished, let me know :(

 

Um... yeah, I thought I had something more to say but I seem to have forgotten it. :happy:

 

Chapter 8

Times are Changing

 

 

“Wow, this is an amazing sword,” Henau, Hani’s son whispered in awe to Sarma. It was the day after Sarma’s arrival on the island and he had shown the weapon to the curious young gnome.

“Yuwon and your father seemed very appalled by it,” Sarma said.

“Well, obviously wherever you were raised you ended up rather different from us gnomes of Arius, no offense meant,” Henau replied. “We are peace loving folk, we don’t have warriors or weapons, and the only things we ever use to defend ourselves are things we have engineered. And we hardly ever need to defend ourselves, we live in peace with the other races and animals,”

“Why was Sarma a warrior then? He slew a dragon, he definitely wasn’t an inexperienced fighter,”

“According to the legends, Sarma was always a little different. He had an unnatural interest in weapons in fighting. He was also a talented mage. Yet rather than study the peaceful magic most gnomes practiced, he studied dangerous magic. Magic for fighting, and defense in battle, magic to kill,”

“I’m guessing your people didn’t take well to his interests?”

“No, he was not liked by the general populace, his only friends were his brother, and the gnome who became his wife,”

“That’s why he left with his brother? To get away?” Sarma was amazed at how similar he seemed to be to his ancestor and namesake.

“Yes, he thought he would leave with his wife and brother and go on some grand and noble venture to mysterious and dangerous lands. Things did not go as planned, his wife disagreed with him on his desire to leave, and refused to accompany him. In his anger Sarma left quickly with his brother. I have always wondered if he regretted abandoning his wife,”

Sarma spent long hours with Henau, his cousin was very intriguing. Henau was only 18, but very smart and fascinated with the idea of Sarma’s flying dragon ship. The young gnome was also slightly different from the rest of his people. He was genuinely a peaceful young man, yet he loved to learn and explore. There were maps drawn by Henau that decorated the walls of his room, maps of Arius as well as maps of other regions on Irillion.

 

° ° ° ° ° °

 

Henau looked up suddenly from a book he was reading in his house’s library. Because Sarma was a relative of Hani, he had stayed with his family. Sarma sat nearby in the library reading a book called Irillion, its Legends and History.

Henau walked over to Sarma. “Sarma, I think I know how to fix your ship,”

“What? Are you serious? It can be fixed?” Sarma was ecstatic, he wanted so badly to return to Seridia and prove to the people there the great accomplishment he had made.

“I’m not positive it will work.” Henau continued. “I’ve been considering what you explained as far as what you know that Clark did and what happened that caused the spell to fail,”

“You know what spell he used?”

“I believe so. It was a rudimentary form of a spell we have advanced much farther now. He doubtless found it in some book of Sarma’s. Since the spell is very similar to what it was in Sarma's time. Our mages have perfected it; I believe someone from the magic school would be able to cast it. Perhaps Grandmaster Nerala would even agree to help you. Not only will it fix it, it will make it faster, and the spell will be much stronger. Likely permanent unless removed by another mage,”

“How does one request the assistance of the grandmaster?”

“Oh, don’t worry. We don’t have to, Yuwon will for us,” Henau smiled broadly.

More excited than Sarma could even describe he and Henau left the house to find Yuwon. They located Yuwon in his own house on the other side of Arius City.

“You sure about this Henau? I don’t want to disturb the Grandmaster over nothing,” Yuwon questioned.

“I’m sure, this is the only spell that would do anything like what Sarma’s friend Clark did. It has to be this spell. And even if it wasn’t this spell originally, Grandmaster Nerala could cast this on the boat and it wouldn’t matter what the first spell was,” Henau shifted from foot to foot while Yuwon considered his words.

“Very well. I will speak to Nerala on this matter, and find out if she is willing to help. If she is, then you will sail to Anitora with Bridden and her crew. Bridden is restless; she has remained here in order to keep an eye on you Sarma. I’m sure she would be delighted to take you back to Anitora. And, I would like to accompany you as well. Doubtless Bridden has already sent out messages to her contacts amongst the races to notify them of your presence. I want to meet with whatever diplomats they have already sent to Anitora,” Yuwon told them.

Sarma was disappointed to hear that he would not be included in Yuwon’s meeting with Nerala. He sulked in Hani’s luxurious house for the next day, bored and anxious. At long last a runner arrived at the house with a message for Sarma. It was a note from Yuwon.

 

Nerala has agreed to help you and will sail with us to Anitora, along with a young human mage from the school. I have already spoken with Bridden and she said her crew could be ready to sail by morning. Unfortunately her eagerness to leave is not matched by Nerala, who has matters to attend to. Nerala has promised she will be ready to sail for Anitora in six days.

 

-Yuwon

 

“Six days?” Henau cried, as he finished reading the note.

“I know, I don’t know if I can stand to wait that long,” Sarma accepted the note back from Henau as Hani walked into the room.

“Did Nerala agree to help?” Hani asked.

“Yes, she won’t be ready to leave for six whole days though. What can she possibly have to do that will take six days?” Henau pouted.

“Oh stop it Henau, you must learn patience. Besides your mother is returning from her cousin’s in Hurquin in two days. That will give you plenty of time to explain what’s happened,” Hani pointed out.

“And convince her to let me go to Seridia with Sarma?” Henau smiled hopefully at his father.

Sarma quietly slipped out of the room as Hani began to list the many reasons he would never allow his only child to travel to Seridia. Once Sarma was in the library he found his book and began reading again. It was going to be a long six days.

 

° ° ° ° ° °

 

During the journey back to Anitora Sarma considered what Yuwon had said about other races sending emissaries to Anitora. He had nearly forgotten how much effect this event would have on the entire continent of Irillion. They might be able to conduct trade with Seridia after years of separation. All the races would want to meet him, to hear his tale as Yuwon and Hani had. Sarma wasn’t sure how many retellings he was up to, and he had no idea what the other races reaction to him would be. What if some of them saw a connection to Seridia as a threat?

The Grandmaster Nerala was given thought on the voyage as well. She was not a gnome as Sarma had expected, but an orchan. He was very curious as to why an orchan was living in the magic school on a gnomish island. To embarrassed to ask what he thought would be a stupid question, he was left to dwell on it.

Once he set foot on Anitora again, all those matters vanished from his mind. An entire village of tents seemed to have sprung up in his absence. While the small party found their way through the confusion Sarma spotted many races. Elves, dwarves, humans, orchans, gnomes, and a tall and imposing dragon-like race flitted about between the temporary houses.

“Draegoni,” Henau murmured in Sarma’s ear as the followed Yuwon through the maze of tents.

“What?” Sarma asked.

“The tall folk you were staring at. They are draegoni, said to be descendents of the dragon god. There are a variety of different colored scales and horns they posses,” Sarma stared at one as Henau began to explain more. The draegoni he watched had blue hair and a beard. Small white horns protruded near his large almost bat-like ears. Several white scales glittered on his hands and face as well.

“They live in the south,” Henau was explaining as they walked on. “In the cold island areas, they are a proud race with several grand cities,”

Henau’s explanation was cut short as the small group reached the gap between the two main isles. A bridge had been constructed between them and there were short pillars in the water on either side.

“What makes you think you have a right to construct statues of your heroes here?” demanded a draegoni. Sarma realized it was the one he had noticed only a few minutes before, an identical one stood beside him.

“This will likely be a thriving market soon, belonging to all the countries and races of Irillion, I only wanted to leave the mark of my people,” responded a human. He had short-cropped white hair and dark skin.

“We told you that bridges between the island would be fine Ian, we did not-“ the human interrupted the draegoni that had spoken.

“Since when are you in charge draegoni? You have no authority over me!” Ian growled.

“Enough!” Bridden stepped between the pair of draegoni and Ian.

“Bridden!” one of the draegoni exclaimed. “Did you bring the gnome?”

“Yes she brought ‘the gnome’,” Sarma stepped forward facing the tall draegoni. Startled for a moment they said nothing, then recovered quickly.

“Sir, it is our pleasure to meet you. Do forgive our seemingly uncaring terminology,” said one of the two draegoni with a bow.

“Please do remind us of your name,” the other requested politely.

“I’m Sarma, of Seridia,” he replied.

“I am Annaeh, of the city of Dra’syn, and this is my twin brother, Assain,” he motioned to his companion as he spoke.

“I am Ian of Idaloran city,” Ian said as he stepped forward elbowing the two draegonis out of his way. “The empress of the Idal Empire welcomes you to Irillion, and sends her regards,”

“Her regards? She sends her greetings from a lowly peasant like you?” Assain glared at Ian.

“Lowly peasant? I’m no peasant! You are stupid outcasts your Queen wanted to get rid of I’m sure. So she sent you here to spy on other races,” Ian shot back.

“Cease your arguing!” Nerala proclaimed as she stepped forward. “We have come to repair Sarma’s boat. I have already discovered it is not on the beach where it was landed. Do tell where you put it,”

“Those two draegoni insisted we move it out of the weather,” smirked Ian.

“Yes we did! Little human! Storms spring up quickly here and we didn’t want it getting swept off to sea again,” Annaeh growled.

“We moved it to the cave on the third island,” Assain explained. “And my brother and I magically enlarged the cave as well as made a roomy entrance facing the second isle. Work that would have taken these humans weeks to complete I'm sure,” Annaeh smirked beside his brother.

“Weeks? hardly! we could have done it half the time you did. But of course it would have hurt your pride to watch humans do your work, and you wouldn't let us near the cave,” Ian retorted.

"Since when were you so gifted in the arts of magic Ian? I have known you for years, come across you far to many times on the seas, and still you are as incompetent as ever!" Annaeh laughed.

Ian opened his mouth to reply, yet was cut off by Nerala.

"We all have our own talents and gifts, and can make use of them all in our own ways. I thank you Ian for the bridges you built connecting the Islands. And I thank you, Annaeh and Assain, for your efforts in keeping Sarma's vessel safe. Now, if you will excuse us we go to see what can be done to fix it," Nerala turned and walked across the bridge with Yuwon. Sarma mumbled a hurried thanks to the group and followed.

“Thank you,” Sarma nodded to Ian and the draegonis. Sarma walked next to Nerala and Yuwon, while the others followed behind. Even the two draegoni fell into step behind Bridden.

As they walked into the cave Sarma looked at his ship, it sat proudly on the small beach inside the cave. He looked past it to the opening in the rock face; this was a perfect dock for his boat. If he were able to return to Seridia, he would surely try to land here on Anitora for any journey back to Irillion. This small-unclaimed island was a far better place to stop than the coats of Arius, or the nearby Idaloran docks.

“A fine vessel,” remarked Nerala as she examined it. “Henau was correct on the spell as well,”

Sarma didn’t bother to question how Nerala knew that right away, only watched as she climbed into the ship to investigate further.

“Will you be able to fix it?” Sarma called to her.

“Certainly, I will be able to fix it quickly as well. You will find yourself headed home in no time Sarma,” Nerala stuck her head out of the boat as she responded, and smiled at Sarma. “No time at all,”

Sarma watched delighted as Nerala began to go about mending his ship. He didn’t notice the whispered conversations between the draegoni twins and Bridden. No more than he had noticed several other things he should have the past several weeks.

 

I am planning on only one more chapter, but depending on how things go when I actually start writing it, it may become two. Hopefully whatever is to follow will follow very quickly, but only time wil tell :P

 

-edit-

grammar/spelling :D

Edited by Enly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good fix ups! I only see one inconsistency problem:

 

Draegoni are VERY magical creatures, in fact, they are the most magically inclined of all races. They would NEVER ask a human to preform simple magic for them. In fact magic is sort of innate in their being you can say, although they still have to learn how to use/control it like other races, however it takes them far less time, and many might even stumble upon a spell by accident.

 

I think this is an easy fix for you in your story though. It can be turned around to something like this:

"we draegoni magically enlarged the cave opening and moved the ship inside. Something that would take you humans days if not weeks to do!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ok, how about this?

 

“We moved it to the cave on the third island,” Assain explained. “And my brother and I magically enlarged the cave as well as made a roomy entrance facing the second isle. Work that would have taken these humans weeks to complete I'm sure,” Annaeh smirked beside his brother.

“Weeks? hardly! we could have done it half the time you did. But of course it would have hurt your pride to watch humans do your work, and you wouldn't let us near the cave,” Ian retorted.

"Since when were you so gifted in the arts of magic Ian? I have known you for years, come across you far to many times on the seas, and still you are as incompetent as ever!" Annaeh laughed.

Ian opened his mouth to reply, yet was cut off by Nerala.

"We all have our own talents and gifts, and can make use of them all in our own ways. I thank you Ian for the bridges you built connecting the Islands. And I thank you, Annaeh and Assain, for your efforts in keeping Sarma's vessel safe. Now, if you will excuse us we go to see what can be done to fix it," Nerala turned and walked across the bridge with Yuwon. Sarma mumbled a hurried thanks to the group and followed.

 

My goal was to have this story finished before I have to return to school on tuesday, sadly pre-term honors english homework is preventing that ;) . And I doubt I'll be able to finish the story that soon.

 

-edit-

I didn't like a word :D

Edited by Enly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well not only did 1 chapter become 2... it became 2 very long chapters :P

 

Chapter 9

Never alone

 

Nerala spent the next half hour examining the ship. Soon she had a crew of humans repairing some small damages to the hull.

Ian was at the head of the human team and took every opportunity to taunt the draegoni and ask them why they had yet to help with anything. The twins simply ignored him and chatted in low tones with each other. Bridden had disappeared with several of her crew to some other part of the island.

That evening Sarma shared a tent with Yuwon and Henau. The humans had quickly mended the boat and Nerala planned to re-cast the spell on it the next day.

Sarma tossed and turned throughout the night, nervous but excited by the prospect of his journey home. He could finally show all those humans he was good for something, that he had done something right! He lay there thinking of all the ways he could march into Whitestone with draegonis and orchans by his side. To his regret no one would be accompanying him home. Yuwon had insisted that Sarma return on his own and explain what had happened to his own people. Yuwon believed that would be easier to do without curious people following in his wake. Sarma on the other hand was concerned the people of Whitestone wouldn’t believe him if he had no proof, after all why should they?

Sarma rolled onto his side again, then was jolted fully awake by a noise outside. He peered at the shadowy silhouettes outside his tent. He thought he had heard a cry. Was someone fighting, right outside his tent? Sarma nearly got out of his cot, when someone entered his tent. It was Narran staring down at Sarma.

“Narran? What happened? What was that noise?” Sarma questioned worried.

“Nothing, not anything that would concern you Sarma. Go back to sleep,” Sarma stared shocked at Narran. The orchan had responded with perfect speech, and no sailor’s accent.

“Narran? What happened to your voice?” Sarma was very confused now.

“It matters not. Rest now, for you will need your strength tomorrow,” Narran smiled down at Sarma. No longer was Narran the odd sailor Sarma had thought he was, but an imposing Lord like figure, with fine speech.

“No, I’m not just going back to bed! I want to know what’s going on!” Sarma started to scramble to his feet when the human mage Nerala had brought appeared beside Narran. Without a word, the young mage Taur walked over to Sarma.

“Sleep,” Taur whispered and he laid a hand on Sarma’s shoulder.

Sarma felt his vision blur, as he was suddenly extremely tired.

“You, don’t…. you…” Sarma’s protests halted as he collapsed onto his cot, the magical sleep engulfing his mind.

 

° ° ° ° ° °

 

Sarma awoke incredibly late the next morning. In fact, it was afternoon by the time he was up and about. His memory of the previous night was blurry, and he decided it was just a dream. Narran and Taur acted as if nothing had happened. Sarma couldn’t piece together exactly what had occurred, and gave up trying to.

“Just a dream, that’s all,” he muttered to himself as he climbed into his boat.

“What was that Sarma?” Nerala asked. She was already in the boat, preparing to cast her spell. “Did you say something to me?”

“Oh? No, sorry, just thinking aloud,”

“Fitful nights sleep? You sure slept in awhile,”

“Yes, I suppose. Thanks for waiting for me to wake up. I’m curious to watch how you make this vessel fly. How exactly does the spell work?” Sarma deftly changed the subject not wanting to dwell on what ever had ensued during the night. Nerala glanced curiously at him, and then turned around to whatever she was working on.

“Once I had a chance to extensively examine the ship, I think I’ve figured out what Clark did wrong,” Nerala began. “The spell is a simple one, of flight. We use it often in Irillion, for small things for short times. The nature of the spell is not to last for very long, only to be a temporary way to levitate things. Another reason it doesn’t last long is that it needs a source of power, and a mage can’t hold something up forever with magic. No more than you could hold a heavy rock for hours on end,”

“That’s as long as the spell will hold?”

“Oh no, that’s just a comparison. A powerful version of the spell could last a few days, maybe longer if it didn’t encounter any resistance, or some other form of damage,”

“How do you plan on making a permanent spell for the ship then?”

“That’s where the dragon bones come in. There’s a certain kind of magic embedded in dragons, in their bones. The first Sarma knew this, and realized the potential of using the power in the dragon bones to create a permanent spell of flight. From what I can see in the bones, he tried to tamper with it some, yet never succeeded. Your friend Clark probably did not fully understand what Sarma meant for the bones. All he could manage was a normal spell of flight. Obviously that didn’t work; the spell fell apart when the storm battered your ship. I can cast the spell again, but cast it to draw the power from the dragon bones. Which should make it work for hundreds, maybe even thousands of years,” Nerala paused for a moment, “did that make sense?”

“Yes, I think it did,” Sarma sorted out what Nerala had said in his head.

“Good,” Nerala smiled. “The actual casting of the spell shouldn’t take long. I already did all the necessary preparation work before you awoke,”

“You’re going to cast it now then?”

“Yes, and please try not to move around to much if you stay in the ship, I don’t want you to break my concentration,” Nerala turned away from Sarma and walked to the bow of the ship. She carried a small crystal like stone similar to the one Clark had used to allow Sarma to steer.

Quietly Sarma sat down to watch what Nerala would do.

Nerala stood over where the orb had previously been and held the new in the air. She began to quietly whisper something, slowly a silvery cloud appeared around the orb. After a few moments she let go of the crystal orb and it hovered in the cloud. Perfectly circular it expanded gradually until it filled the indentation in the wood below it.

Once that was completed, Nerala’s chant changed slightly. Sarma watched in wonder as a light began to grow deep within the dragon bones around him in the ship. Blues, oranges, reds, purples, greens; they all danced in the depths of the bones, and began to grow more prominent. Thin veins of blue shot across the bones, connecting and spreading out, weaving between thicker threads of green. Purple tips sprouted on the ends of every blue vein, while orange and red ropes spiraled amongst everything. It was a beautiful sight to behold as the colors laced themselves together on the bones. Soon, every dragon bone was no longer a pale creamy white, but blazing with solid colors. Once the bones were glowing brightly, the color began to leak from them onto the wood. Waterfalls of crimson ran down the insides of the ship, and pooled in turquoise pools around Sarma. Emerald branches strained to cover the top of the ship around him. Sarma stared in awe at the jade and azure spun wood above him. Abruptly even as he stared at the glorious colors around him, they began to fade.

Nerala’s voice was now fading as well, the colors, bright and vibrant only a moment before, turned pale and seeped into the wood and bones again. Sarma looked towards Nerala as she let out a sigh and sat slowly down.

“Are you all right?” Sarma asked worried.

“Yes, I’m fine. It just took a little more strength than I expected it would,” she replied as she turned to grin at him.

“That was amazing! Beautiful!”

Nerala laughed and scrambled to her feet again. Sarma followed her out of the ship, still glancing around in hopes of seeing more stunning colors. No remained though, the magic had sunk into the ship and Nerala was positive it would hold this time.

That evening Sarma ate dinner with Nerala, Yuwon, and Henau. The two draegonis, as well as Bridden and her crew were strangely absent. When Sarma woke the next day he went in search of Bridden and Narran to bid them farewell, but they were not to be found. Disappointed he returned to the cave where his vessel sat waiting. The human Taur had already loaded a surplus of supplies onto Sarma’s ship.

“Ready to leave Sarma?” Yuwon questioned.

“I suppose, I really would have liked to tell Bridden and Narran goodbye, yet they seem to have vanished,” Sarma sighed.

“So I heard, I sent Henau to look for them but he has yet to return,” Yuwon look to Nerala for advice.

“Sarma could wait awhile longer if he liked, but he should leave today if at all possible. Taur says he senses a storm coming up from the west. It would be better to fly in fair weather,” Nerala stated.

Sarma settled down on a rock and chatted with Nerala and Yuwon as they waited for some sign of Henau and the others. After two hours Yuwon was pacing worried.

“Where did that boy get off to? Hani will be devastated if he looses Henau,” Yuwon continued to mutter to himself while Nerala and Sarma waited quietly. After another long hour passed Taur walked into the cave.

“Sarma, you really should leave now. If not now, then you’ll need to wait until this storm passes, which could take weeks,” Taur advised.

“I believe Taur is right,” Nerala spoke. “As much as I know you want the chance to say goodbye to everyone, you should go now while you still can,”

Yuwon frowned and looked sadly at Sarma.

“Must he? Henau will be devastated if he finds he missed his goodbye,” Yuwon informed them.

“Henau should have returned by now Yuwon. Let us get Sarma on his way and Taur and I will scour the island for the boy,” Nerala assured Yuwon.

Yuwon nodded solemnly and embraced Sarma in a farewell hug.

“I hope to see you return soon my friend,” Yuwon murmured.

“I hope the same,” Sarma smiled.

He bid Nerala thanks and farewell, and nodded a farewell to the mage Taur. With his words complete he said goodbye one final time and bored his ship.

Alone again he steered the boat from the cave and headed away, back across the sea to his home. Nerala’s improvements worked fine and he expected to reach Seridia by the next day. As the sun set below the horizon Sarma curled up for the night. Content and with confidence in his heart he lay down, trying to push from his mind the trouble he might encounter when he reached home.

 

° ° ° ° ° °

 

Sarma found himself in a dark cave. Nervous he spun around thankfully he was alone. But where was he? Surely not a dream, this was far too real to be any dream. Yet only a moment ago he had been falling asleep on his boat. Only a dream could have landed him in this dark room.

“No dream Sarma, a vision of what is,” whispered a voice. Sarma frantically looked around, his pulse throbbing.

“Who’s there?” he called, his voice came out quiet and croaking.

“Do not be afraid Sarma, no one will be able to see you. You are only here to learn, so that you may be prepared,”

“Who are you?” demanded Sarma.

“I am Aluwen, the goddess of life and protection. Be patient Sarma, and finish your task, the gods of grace still walk with you,”

Sarma gulped and looked around yet again, his eyes wide. He had tried to push the thought of gods from his mind when he was on Irillion, yet here he was swept up in some divine happenings. Strangely, knowledge that Aluwen had spoken to him eased his fear. He took the time to examine the room he was in.

It was at the end of a tunnel, a large cushy chair sat behind a small desk. Littered around it were books and chests. Behind the chair a pool of lava bubbled eerily. Several bookshelves lined the walls as well. He was about to investigate some of the books when he heard footsteps in the tunnel.

Sarma backed against the wall into the shadows despite Aluwen’s words that he would not be seen. As he stood hidden there a quivering, skinny man walked down the tunnel. As he neared the desk Sarma recognized him. It was Groden, but a much thinner, paler and sickly looking Groden than the one that Sarma had known only weeks before.

Groden nervously flicked through some of the scrolls on the desk, and then began to head towards the shelves. He froze in his tracks as a spine-chilling voice sounded in the room.

“Groden!” it hissed. Groden immediately backed against the bookshelves terrified. Sitting on the chair was a dark figure glaring at the wan man.

“Master Selain,” panted Groden. “I did as you asked I gathered many of your followers from all around Whitestone, mages and fighters alike. All worshipers of you though, they agreed to help. They’re honored to serve their god and would…”

“Silence!” growled Selain. “I know what you’ve been up to. I’ve just come to remind you that you won’t be messing up this time!”

“Of course not Master, never would I mess up,” Groden quivered and watched Selain nervously.

“NEVER?” roared Selain. “You already messed up! I gave you directions years ago to get rid of that gnome! But you being a weak mortal couldn’t even bring yourself to kill him! So you harassed him instead! Driving him to do the one thing I wanted prevented at all costs! Then when I told you to stop him you failed twice more!”

“I’m sorry! I failed, I know! It won’t happen again! Not this time! No one will ever know Sarma even came back. We’ll kill him and burn his ship!”

“Don’t underestimate him, or his friends. That rotten elf Bridden already spoiled my plans enough times. Curse the servants of Aluwen,” Selain now seemed to be talking to himself. “Three different assassins I sent, one on her ship! She threw that one into the ocean. One in Arius! She had that one locked up! And then that orchan Narran killed the third right outside Sarma’s tent on Anitora! Curse that orchan; he’s the one that told Bridden about the first one. I should have known that his stupid appearance was just a show. Who would have thought that scum was a finely bred Lord and servant of Aluwen?” Selain was pacing now his dark cloak fluttering about his heels. “Aluwen has hidden so much from me so easily! Curse her!”

“Bridden sir? Narran? Whatever do you mean?” Groden had the stupidity to interrupt the god at his reminiscing and paid for it by getting thrown back against the bookshelves. From which he had slowly been easing away.

“Nothing that concerns you mortal! All you have to do is kill Sarma when he gets back! Nothing more!”

“Why do you want him dead so bad?” blurted Groden.

“WHY?” Selain was outraged now, his plans had been going wrong for months, years, and this stupid mortal was interrogating him! The god of vice could not help but brag of his intentions some though, even to a hated mortal.

“The people of Draia are better left separated,” Selain snarled. “Once they band together they more easily thwart any horrible things I or my fellow gods might bring to them. Those accursed deities like Aluwen keep helping them, teaching them new things. Better ways to survive against the hardships of the world! Mortals are better left dumb, more easily can we toy with their pitiful lives that way. If Seridia and Irillion link, knowledge will spread like wildfire! More ways kill Mortos’s monsters, or the ones my devote followers summon. More ways to heal the sick and injured I curse to die. No, you mortals are better left separated,”

Selain would not elaborate anymore. Groden seemed to regret asking questions and shivered silently.

“You had better not fail me this time Groden, I gave you powers beyond your imagination! Abilities to summon creatures greater than you even knew existed! And yet you can’t kill one gnome. No more mistakes Groden, no more!” with that Selain vanished. Groden collapsed into a relieved pile on the ground and sighed. Sarma’s eyes were still locked open in wonder as he found himself sitting on his boat again.

Sarma couldn’t believe it, all that he had just heard. But he needed to be prepared, he was going to have to fight off followers of Selain on his own, who knew how many. What was the point of being prepared for an attack if he had to face it alone the moment he reached Whitestone?

“Don’t worry Sarma, you’re not alone,” Sarma jumped to his feet and spun around. There, standing in the back of the ship was Bridden. And not only Bridden, but also Narran, Annaeh, Assain, Taur, and Henau.

“Mind if we join the fun?” grinned Annaeh, he and his brother were outfitted in shinning red dragon scale armor, dragon blades grasped in their hands. The others were outfitted for battle as well. Except for Henau who seemed to have just tagged along for the adventure.

“We not may be much, but we’re something,” Narran smiled at Sarma. “Sorry for tricking you about who I was, but the ruse was necessary. Selain didn’t look close enough, and forgot to worry about a dumb fumbling orchan,”

“Aluwen be with us,” Assain whispered, “This is going to be one tough fight,”

 

And hopefully final chapter to hopefully come soon. :D

Edited by Enly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very nice twist! I did catch one mistake while reading...

 

“Oh stop it Henau, you must learn patientce"

 

Patience is spelled incorrectly :(

 

 

 

 

Also, in regards to Nerala. Her personality in this story I think conflicts with what pyewacket had for her... She was socially akward, and very quiet, rarely spoke.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

“Oh stop it Henau, you must learn patientce"

 

Patience is spelled incorrectly :confused:

 

:) I'll fix that then

 

Also, in regards to Nerala. Her personality in this story I think conflicts with what pyewacket had for her... She was socially akward, and very quiet, rarely spoke.

 

Well, thats what I get for not reading Pyewacket's story. I'll work on how I can alter it some to fit better :)

 

-edit-

Hmm, you don't suppose I could just get away with claiming Nerala changed a bit after some years with the gnomes, and became more open? Or I can work on changing it, its not to much of a problem.

Edited by Enly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×