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Guest mistercool

my story of isla prima

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Guest mistercool

Blackness.

Nothing but blackness, except for a certain stone made up of all kinds of different colours. Inside was a swirling mist of blue, noone was here to see it.

A sudden flash and visions went past from the future to the present.

All was quiet. Animals were now running around while the grass began to grow and rocks began to form even houses came outta nowhere. however , alll but one species survived.

One of the species was called Bakart who had 3 sons. Enno, Dreven and Bakart JR. Bakart was an explorer who looked for artifacts from old. He had been in a forest that had been guarded by vermon guards, as the place was so sacred for the one symbol was there.

there he had found the stone of Espondas.

He took it to white stone city who he had the great blacksmith look at it.

Years had passed and bakart became impatient of all this nonsense of being careful with it and took a chisel and smashed the stone open freeing thousands of spirits that have been or passed. the stone then exploded and shards were left all over eternal lands but the biggest part was magnetic to the spirits and was so big that it became a smalll city called Isla Prima.

Bakart feared what he had done will destroy him and in the end it did, but before he had died he passed his knowledge onto Bakart Jr, Dreven(who died afetr trying to fulfilll his dads quest),and Enno.

The curse of the stone was opened and could only be stoppped by another spirit.S/He must become a champion and sort out some of there messes. Until all the spirits become one agen.

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uuhh.. it lacks detail..and it rushes kinda cuz all of a sudden theres grass grwoing n stuff and no detail?? but i agree ur story is ok but it's like a paragraph if not less..

 

i'm afraid i'm gonna have to give it a 3 outta 10

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Try not to be too harsh zsert, you aren't exactly perfect in your writing. In terms of grammar, spelling, sentence construction and punctuation I'd say he's your superior. Laying down marks is an invitation to others to do the same to you, and my friendly advice here is don't, or the temptation will be to flame.

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