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Pyewacket

The Lay of the Grandmasters way

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Hi, they sound good! Just a few notes:

 

In the one story, you made a lot of words like these:

Con-Trapper-Shun

BAH-LEA-HAVE

Chill-Der-Ens

Dont-Chew-knows

 

Get rid of the CAPS there, and use the different spellings of words sparingly. Not sure if the hyphens are needed for all of them either. Sometimes it's just not necessary to do or doesn't look right. I only picked out a few here.

 

 

"It wasnt magic as such.

Not the kind he was expecting, anyroad."

 

I don't understand what anyroad means here.

 

 

 

"as she stood and told them tales of "Al-Kah-Meh" but"

This was in the orchan story..I think it'd be better just to write alchemy.

 

 

Lastly, Orchans are not evil, they do not worship Mortos..unless this is some unique exception, just one small, odd, orchan tribe who do worship him.

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Orchans would probably be worshipping their creator, Glydoc. They were created with pride and honor in mind, and even if he is not around anymore, they could still worship him.

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More than happy to make the changes suggested, however a few comments in regards to the notes before I do so:-

 

the hyphenated words were meant to over emphasise the tone of voice used by Ursul at the time, which is one of over emphasis in itself, much as a person who is attempting to use unfamiliar words would use when speaking of things that are apparently above their station/knowledge yet they are "in on it", in a manner of speaking. The fact that this is a common washerdwarf, putting on airs & graces was the idea. (Think of sean bean attempting to imitate peirce brosnans accent on certain key words or phrases to appear more worldly wise).

 

The phrase "anyroad" is similar in origin and nature to "anyway", but denotes an accented collequialism and the translation is for any route which is taken will lead to the same outcome. In this instance, no matter which magic Osreng expected, this was clearly one he didnt.

 

The orcs themselves I agree may not be evil, nor should their primary allegiance to a given god be used as a classification to deduce their alignment, however, since theyre tribal in nature, I wrote the story with the premise that whilst they may indeed worship Glydoc, they may still offer up appeasing donations to various other gods, in much the same way that there were several roman/greek/pagan gods whom also had offerings given.

The idea that the Shaman was opposing Nerala though, meant that some evil influence had to be used, and Mortos suited the plot there better than Glydoc would have. He could not very well have claimed his hand was a blood sacrifice to the god Glydoc, if honour were a fundamental factor of his worship, for in doing so he would be contradicting honour by trying to denounce the good Nerala had done for the village.

If it feels more in keeping with having Glydoc as a single point of worship, however, then may I suggest that that is the reason the Elders did not sway to the Shamans favour? For he may alone be a follower of Mortos, hoping to convert the villagers. I can easily write in a bit more background to cover this, if acceptable, and that the Elders still revered their true god Glydoc.

 

Oh and lastly, the "Al-kah-meh" bit was to show difficulty in translating a dwarf slaves tongue to Orchan understanding. This village is set a fair way out of normal civilisation, and by more than mere distance decrees.

I dont want to give too much away at that but suffice to say, if anyone is taking up the challenge of writing about the hows & why-fors of the teleportals and what REALLY put them thru-out seridia and irillion, they will be free to set it in whatever far distant past they wish to, without conflicting with this storyline.

 

Once again, I am more than willing to alter anything as required, just let me know.

 

- PYE

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I understand what you were doing with the hyphenated words, i'm just not sure that is the proper way to write them, expecially with the CAPS, as it's a bit distracting to try and read it.

 

 

The orcs themselves I agree may not be evil,

 

And just to make certain, ORCS are indeed evil, and would only worship Mortos. You probably just forgot to say orchans.

 

 

Yes it's fine if the orchans also worship other gods for different purposes...why just think of the players in the game who may do that to favor their chosen skills. Same for this. So I think you just need to write a bit about that, that they are not just "mortos worshippers".

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Can you put in your post the parts you edited? It's kinda hard to find stuff without rereading everything... I did find the part about the Orchans following mortos though, just one thing i noticed and that's that you wrote Fruitful instead of Fruitfall.

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all i can say, is beast, i just wish i had the ideas u got running throught ur head, maybe then people would read my stories :) seriously, great job

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Act 5 The Lay of Nerala

Part IV.

 

Gnomicodic Dispatch #ZedZ9-PluralZAlpha

Zarun/Fruitfall

 

*****REPORT ON FINDINGS*****

 

Sire,

 

I have good news! Mostly good news. It seems that our original intent to harness the power of the Volcanic source of energy was somewhat lacking in exact technical equipment required and our calculations had not taken into account the small and largely insignificant detail that tectonic pressure from underneath the central plates of the Irillion continent is to a magnitude equivelant to 2-267,000:1 - possibly much higher. We have therefore the need for urgent field extraction from the region.

 

Despite the fact that the released energy was somewhat undercalculated, a mere oversight I assure you, we can at least report success that the energy itself was..um...released. And in such violent vigours as to by more than adequate for our purposes. Our initial studies however led to an erroneous conclusion that this energy emission was far greater than we could actually harness for practical purposes. There was some minor loss of equipment and sundries during this period, a list is included below for supply replacements as standard.

 

5 Allweather Camouflage Tents

3 Pack mules and tack

100 Barrels of Black Powder - field grade

365 assorted pairs of underwear *note some survived the lava but are frankly unusable all the same

1 pair of leather "Piper" pants

3 weeks food supplies

50 pickaxe heads and hafts

20 seismic accousticators

1 prototype thermic magi-viewer

1 trading box [editors note: this box was invented by gnomes who preferred to do trades at eye level with other races]

 

We have used the gold we had remaining to procure some minor items that will sustain us until eventual extraction, ssuch as food supplies and clean underwear, however the only source of trade in the area was a local Orchan village, which means the underwear is about as palatable to our constitutions as the food itself is.

 

And now the good news. Amongst our procurements, we have purchased a new device from these Orchans which will allow absolute control over the lava flows AND the preceeding eruptive forces unleashed by the magmacore, regardless of the amount of energy expenditure used in enticing the volcanic agititation. Using sound scientific and magical precedents and procedures, this device can even channel the volcanic effluences as required, to whatever end the device controller deems necessary.

 

 

To conclude therefore, we have found what we need here. We can successfully complete the Project.

Two minor points however that I have yet to inform you of, trifling matters really but I fear that lack of inclusion of these details may cause some distress if not disclosed:-

 

1. The Lava control and manipulation device is called Nerala. And she likes chicken and henbane soup.

2. I regret to inform you that Overseer Burnout has....lived up to his name. May he rest in peices.

 

Humbly, your servant

 

Horris Neversmile De Arius - GSVE, GPV, GNU.

 

***** REPORT ENDS *****

 

Act V to follow

Edited by Pyewacket

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Act 5 The Lay of Nerala

Part V.

 

Nerala looked down, and clung tightly to the ropes, as the scenery passed swiftly far below her.

 

Despite the assurances of the gnomes around her, she felt very afraid up here in the balloons' hanging basket, as it skimmed the clouds and seemingly challenged the Sun for the right to be in the sky.

 

Beneath her feet, the city of Arius sprawled and twinkled, as mica deposits in the buildings stonework and tiles glinted bright in the morning sunlight, flashes of fire that burned the eye and were gone with the swiftness of birds in flight.

 

The gnomes themselves had been grateful when she had come to their rescue, and had mistaken her redirection of the Lava boiling down on them as being a heroic act of rescue. If they had known she only moved the Lava aside to prevent it from continuing its journey downhill where its eventual destructive onslaught would have razed her village, they would still have been thankful, perhaps.

 

They seemed to take great interest in the fact that she had moved the Lava aside. Lesser educated gnomes might have suggested that perhaps the geography was responsible, unless they had been there and seen with their own eyes what had happened.

--------------------------------------------------------

It had come like a slow tide of burning tar, oozing its way forward, with a malevolent heart of molten fire occasionally gleaming out from within as it boiled over the grass towards her. Yet she stood her ground in front of it, and within mere inches of her feet it stopped to her outstretched hand, building up behind itself as if it had encountered some unseen force or invisible wall, until it was at least as high as the Orchan girl herself.

 

Then, gently swaying from one side to the other, she moved both hands in unison, as if in a dance, the wall of searing Lava moving with her motions.

 

As she swayed back and forth, the motions simple and gentle, almost childlike in their fluency, but with none of the associated awkwardness that those whom knew her would think were her only characteristics; the Lava swayed also. Keeping in time with her movements, it followed her dance, like a silent partner of sinister intent, dangerous beyond measure yet held at bay by the unseen music of the fire within.

 

As they moved in unison, Nerala motioning ever wider to the side and away from the path towards the lake and village, the Lava followed suit. The gnomes were transfixed as they watched, awe overwhelming their natural fear for their safety. They watched, chattering excitedly to each other, as the Lava was diverted away from them, step by step, in swaying movements. A huge wall of terrifying power, frightening them more from the fact that it would destroy them without a pause, than anything could frighten them that would kill them with a purpose. And yet there it was, at the whims of the girl that danced with fire.

 

Such power, they agreed, would suit their needs beyond their wildest expectations!

--------------------------------------------------

 

She wasnt sure why she was with them, only that the Elders and gnomes had had a long debate about her.

 

Old Ursul herself had been once more before the Elders, and had left with a bright glint in her eye, and gone back to pack her own belongings.

 

"If there aint no room for you here, my lass, aint room for me neither. Not a backbone in the lot of em for what needs done, and no one they wanna lay it on as is up to the task. Now, my girl, you will be goin with these small uns, why dont seem right for folks as being smaller than I, but theyre good folk, for all that they mess with stuff they's should as rights leave be. Dont be lookin at the ground, no hiding in that for you!

Stones said you was special, so they did, and so you is.

 

'Course, I had no ken you was this special, just figured you was special like all children is. But the gnomes'll look after you, if you let em. And you. You look after them, ya hear? They got somethin they plan on you helpin' em with, somethin thats good for us all, but theys need watchin' like hawk, my girl, or they'll be apt to burn theysens in the fire.

 

Now, giz a hug and get ya stuff. I will see you again, I's sure."

 

---------------------------------------------

 

 

And she was gone. As was the village. And all that Nerala had known.

 

From that fateful bumpy landing as the Balloon hit the ground in Arius, just south of the white scarred quarries, to the founding of the Mage school, Nerala had grown stronger in her power and mastery of Fire. Unlike any who normally learnt such magic, she had not the fiery nature and temperament within her. No anger, nor fear, only childlike wonder at the world around her. This, coupled with her unparralled power and knowledge of Fire Magic, was the reason she was chosen as the Grandmaster of the School, and with the blessing of the Fire elements, became Grandmaster of Fire itself, in time. Administrators and Gnome Masters ran the day to day mundanity of keeping the School running under her, but her insight into its needs were never questioned, for all knew of the power she possessed, despite her childlike ways.

 

The Project never worked.

 

Oh Nerala had more than ample abilities, and could direct as much power as the continent below could provide, but sadly there were not the techniques nor technology available to the gnomes that could deal with such massive scales of raw power, no matter how much magic they tried to utilise to convert the energy. The CEG, for once, admitted they had not appreciated the lack of expertise involved in the Projects management. Several notable CEG personnel disappeared under mysterious circumstances soon after, and the Project was archived as being currently unacheivable.

 

Perhaps one day, though....given Time.

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Part VI to follow.

Edited by Pyewacket

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Act 5 The Lay of Nerala

Part VI.

 

Elsewhen

Nerala ignored Jeruns question as she stepped forward again to stand between the 3 companions and the body of the Watcher in front of her, almost as if guarding them.

 

At last she spoke, her voice as flat as her eyes, her weeping now stopping, as she announced the doom of Ilias, Watcher of Whitestone:-

 

"No. It is Time."

 

-----------

 

Elsewhen

Ursul drew out another stone tile from her velvetine drawbag and added it to those already arranged in front of her on the floor.

 

"Oh my! I gonna be havin' too much o Time on me hands, seems like!"

 

And she went off then to empty her large Gypsum washpot of its soapy contents...

 

 

----------

 

Elsewhen

As she read on, with whitening knuckles, and tears blurring the words of the letter she clutched, she at last began to take note of the taunting youth before her.

 

And as the Power subsided from the spell Rivena had unleashed, its energy dissipating in rolling waves out into the now silent Vale of Tirnwood and its surrounding woodlands, she spoke with quiet, gentel menace into the cold stone ear of the stricken elf:-

 

"I want you to THINK about your unkindness. I have left you the ability to do that at least. Take as long as Time permits you."

 

----------

 

Elsewhen

"You cannot kill me! Die damn you! You took him away from me! I will kill you ALL!"

 

And after the slap he receives, Osreng will sit.

Bereft and forlorn

Comforted by one of Orchan race, a child outside of her Time, who will tell the weeping Osreng, in halting words:-

 

"Your healing will flow, with Time."

 

----------

 

Elsewhen

Jerun stared with murderous intent upon the diminiutive form of Ursul, incredulity on his face at being told that he would not be with Rivena again as her lover and consort.

 

"By my eyes, may your essence be scattered to the four winds od Draia! May your words never be heard by any mortal again and you Dust scattered to Time itself!"

 

----------

 

Elsewhen

"Its a girl!"

 

Rivena looked up, exhaustion and anxiety on her sweat ladened brow.

 

"Oh Jerun! We have a girl this time, my love!"

 

----------

 

Elsewhen

"It worked! It worked! Nerala that was bloody awesome! We managed to send him ALL the WAY this time! Right to Seridia! And he is in tact! Way to go gir...um...I mean well done Ma'am!"

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Final Act to follow

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Act 6 The Final Act.

 

"You pitiful retches! What welcome did you hope to accomplish by this murderous attempt?"

 

The being stepped forward now, with renewed confidence and vigour in its stride. With a mere wave of its arm, all motion ceased.

The sparkling elemental forces garnered and unleashed by the four greatest living powers of magic shone like a tableau of frozen ice sculptures, irredescent in their hues and brilliance, and still demanding of awe despite the fact that all were now as still and silent as the grave.

 

Only the eyeballs of the frantic grandmasters moved, apart from the creature before them, swivelling balls of panic and ultimate dismay as they each realised that the other three companions shared their individual stasis, unable to move muscle nor tongue in defiance.

 

"You are fools. Think you that even combined you can stand against Time in all its eternal might and power? Even the Gods fear to hear of my footfall at their doorstep!"

 

Almost drooling with rage and spittle as it capered, the thing danced around in mock merriment before each of them in turn.

 

"By my hand alone does Mortos wield his power over death and its dominion, and so to Aluwen, for whom life would ne'er flourish were it not for My Whim to allow it so. No force can withstand me, neither mortal power or God can stay the onset of Time...spitwizard"

 

These words it all but whispered into the ear of Osreng, whose eyes now bore the sting of furious tears.

 

"For naught did you try to destroy me, I am the Master of Paradox, Destroyer of Worlds...I was there when the Fire within was quenched and all was lifeless! Arsonist"

 

It all but spat out the sentence in vehement hatred at Nerala, watching gleefully as her eyes burned with unquenchable inner rage.

 

"When the first molecule stirred in the depths of space, to the last burning winds of the end of all things am I made. Windbag"

 

Malevolent intelligence studied Jerun carefully as it spoke this last to him, seeking that telltale sign of emotion within the Air Grandmasters eyes, the very windows of the soul betraying perhaps the volatile nature of the Master of Winds. Yet no sign was there, instead a steady gaze came to meet the eye of the creature.

 

"Defiance will not do you the least of good, Oh mighty Jerun, forget what foolish plans you are laying in your mind, you are already thwarted beyond your measure. Were you not always so before me?"

 

Ah. There it is, emotion at last...hate? fear? No not those.

 

Puzzlement? Of course. It rubbed its hazy shifting hands together in glee.

 

"Ah yes, Jerun. You who thought you were always the master of your own destiny have had naught but a mere token allowance into how the path of your life has been tread. Each choice you seemed to make for yourself was designed by my hand. Each turning point in your life that led you to becoming the Grandmaster of Air was not the will of the Elements you have placed your foolish pride and faith in, but nay, they are mere connivances in the schemes I have placed before you."

 

Now the creature stepped to the last Grandmaster, and gazed levelly, coolly into her fair elven eyes.

 

"Before you ALL."

 

A twisted smile formed, shifting from youth to aged leer and back through the years again to a babies first smile.

 

"I it was that chose the time and place of the attack on the school of Magic, Osreng. Were not that done you would not now be Grandmaster. You, Nerala...simple child...power you may have had from birth and a mastery of fire, but were it not for my guidance at the right Time, you would not have seen a living gnome to this day. Jerun, think on this as you will, had it not been for the critical moment of the release of the Air Elemental power now under your command, when you first came to power as Grandmaster...when you were "chosen"...well...I hardly need tell you that the death of one your lady friend here held so dear to her heart was a mundane matter of coincidence, when all such matters of Timing are My Bailiwick."

 

Spinning now and gloating as its hands clawed and rubbed, the thing studied them in turn, watching the turmoil this news was having. Jerun, whose thoughts still did not appear to betray his inner feelings, merely blinked, as his gaze shifted momentarily to Rivena and back again to the creature.

 

"You still doubt My Power, Master of farts? Your own powers are incapable of even harming me, their very essences are but a fleeting moment in Eternity when they reach me. What is fire but a fragile thing that burns and is gone? Where is the wind in the vacuum of The End? What power water when naught but dust remains? When even the stars die out, where is the power of earth?"

 

"Earth...rock mud and stone...it is small wonder there is no heart within you. You of all should understand. You came here thinking that it was I who was an abomination? Because of the Orchan simpleton? She tried to burn me and found I was already ash and dust. You tried to drown me and found I was nothing but algae. What hope had you that I can be bested by the likes of you?"

 

Once again staring into the eyes of Rivena, the creature now spoke low.

 

"Should it have been this way? Am I not worthy to be thine kin and equal? Or has it become spare the rod spoil the child so soon in our relationship....mother?"

 

"BAD BOY!"

 

No one knew when she'd arrived. But..as the gypsum washpot flew through the air from the outstretched hand of an old dwarvish woman, the creature turned in alarm. With a look of dismay on its face as the washpot completed its journey through both the intervening space, and, since it was simultaneously a large gleeming new washpot, an old rusted lump of twisted mineral and a solid unshaped clump of pure gypsomite, also through time, it thudded with considerable force into the creatures' skull.

 

The thing fell back, staggered and collapsed. As it did so, feeling and motion returned to the four Grandmasters, their powerful spells quickly dissipating as they stood around the fallen body.

 

"Is it dead, this Time?" asked Jerun, although he didnt expect an answer.

 

"Oh no deary. Cant be a-killing him. He'll be right as rain in a few, give him a bit. Meanwhiles get on over here and let us see yez? I been away from things a little too long it looks tell like."

 

"Ursul?!?" Rivena cried out with disbelief and ran forward to sweep the diminiutive figure up in her slender embrace.

 

"But how? I....but I..." Jerun stammered, also incredulous and at last overcome with unleashed emotion, tears and bewilderment flooding his windswept features.

 

Nerala stepped up to Ursul and spoke low, "He was wrong. One other is stronger than him?"

 

"Yes my duck. And its why I am here, o' course. Cant be having this mucking around with things without the Boss's sayso. Gonna be hard put getting things to rights around here though, for all of you, looks like a part of the lands is fractured by more'n just earthquake, fire n flood."

 

As they glanced around the clearing about them, they noted the devastation around them, caused by the unleashing of the fundamental energies of creation they had called forth. They noted in amazement that already signs of growth were appearing in certain places. Buds forming and sprouting forth from the ground in certain parts of the ground and growing rapidly before their very eyes.

 

"What IS this devilry?" the voice of Osreng wavered in awe, not only at the appearance of one whom he long thought dead and gone, but at the sights around them.

 

"Look, the land is scarred by Time now, not just by yourselves. There'll always be something odd at this point. And as for me...well...laddo here may have thought himself all powerful but in truth there be just the one power that even he will answer to in The End. And its from there I am sent..as a guide if you will. Now..you lads take Nerala and get some berries and water, n' suchlike. I will make us a nice brew up shortly, but first I needs must have a little chat with our Rivena here. Theres things we need to talk about and I aint be having any of you lot prying and poking your nose in, ya hears me? Be off with you!"

 

Hands on hips, the old dwarf women scowled at the three Grandmasters as they left, bewildered and unsure of themselves for the first time in what seemed like centuries, picking their way through the broken ground and treeroots towards the deeper wooded glades nearby.

 

"Ursul...what IS all this? Who is that..thing? He called me mothe..."

 

"And so you are, my duck. Think it was a mere turn of phrase? Oh bless you no. No. You are not so young and green as you once were, as I once remembered you being. Not now. You feel the truth of the matter dont you deary? But darent believe it? No Time for pleasantries on this nor breaking it gentle like. Go to it..him...tell me what you see..what ... who he is. Off you go m'girl."

 

With that, the slight yet rotund woman gently pushed the slender elf towards the recumbant form on the ground. As Rivena bent down, overcoming her fear and revulsion at the hazy shifting figure before her, it seemed to her as if the rapidly phasing aspects of the creature slowed, becoming each intermediate age of its cycle for a little longer each time. Amazed as the cycle slowed yet further, she saw an outline within the form take a more solid and defined substance, as if the true shape was either revealing itself, or it was merely being fixed to one particular state. Which it was she could not tell, yet as she gazed down and the figures ragged breathing become more apparent, she saw it was a child, laying there unconscious. The hazy effects still continued, but her perception of it had now altered, as if seeing through a mirage or uncovering the finest illusion. Yet no illusion was this.

 

"Its..he...a boy? But....how? I never...my..?"

 

"Master of Paradox, aint it? Able to bend Time to his will, that one, and create, control and undo all Paradox, for time itself is no more than that, and most certainly no less. Yet for all that power there was one Paradox over which he had no control. One which he yearned to change and alter to his will, but was denied by his very existence from tampering with. The one in which he was created, my dear. His birth. As a Paradox, its a rather nasty one. Y'see, being Grandmaster of Time isnt like being one of the others. You cant have a beginning, not a true one leastways, if you have to be there at either end. From start to finish, if you gets my meaning? So he was born and the birth became...removed...it couldnt exist or he would not be who he was..is..will be..erm..."

 

"So he..I saw glimpses of things...I was in labour but thought that might be the future...? Yet this..you are saying it has already HAPPENED??"

 

"Could be...could be, yes...hard to say really, dont know for sure and only way to find out is to live on and see. Eh?" Ursul gave a sly wink to Rivena and nodded in the direction of the woods where the others had gone off to, out of earshot but albeit not out of sight, for Rivena was in no doubts that the nod was directed specifically at Jerun.

 

"What do I...I am not..I cant.."

 

"No Time for pleasantries I said. Not for you, perhaps. So here it is. He is a child, and he is hurting. Angry because although he has grown in power and wisdom beyond his years he has lacked that which has given the rest of you understanding as to why your powers need careful handling. Balance. In short he has not had any contact with anyone, other than superficial observances throughout time. Enough to know what it is he is missing out on, basically. A family. A mother, a father....Love, guidance, the whole package," Ursul dropped her voice to a tender tone and continued, "I am all too aware that the guidance and love you received from your own family were not..ideal...but that merely gives you a far greater responsibility to ensure those same mistakes made in your OWN upbringing are not repeated BY you."

 

"I understand," said Rivena, as she bent down and carefully, lifted the child thing into her arms, feeling him stir, "Ursul...I dont know what to say..how to thankyou or..."

 

"No needs my lamb, you knows I always looks out for those in me care, one ways or t'other. Now...only other thing I needs leave you to sort out is how you intend to tell boyo over there that he is an altogether too-proud-for-his-own-damned-good-sometimes father. But thats your affair and how you deals with it is none of my beeswax, I'm sure."

 

Gathering up her bent and misshapen washpot the old dwarf woman set to work then, making a small ring of stones to build a campfire and heat up some water. The returning group saw Rivena sat before the dancing and welcoming flames of the fire, cradling a small boy, apprently sleeping, in her arms.

 

As they approached with a gathering of berries and more firewood, Rivena looked up at Jerun and spoke quietly:

 

"Jerun..sit down...theres something I need to talk to you about..."

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But that is another tale, to be told by someone else perhaps. This one ends here, I hope you enjoyed it and apologise for the delay in completing it. A double operation IRL and subsequently the death of my lefthand mousebutton (I HATE TABBING BROWSERS!!) has been more than partly to blame. Nevertheless here it is, and I type it as it is meant to be read...THE END?

Edited by Pyewacket

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Congratz! its finally finished :) now i can print it out and read it all :)

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whew! After about 3 hours I finished reading it. Great job, I really enjoyed it once all the separate parts started to come together. The washer woman dwarf connecting them all was brilliant :blink:

Thank you for writing this!

 

I did some small typo editing, and I will post this in the appropriate section :)

 

btw, your 2 biggest grammar errors were not using the possessive apostrophe correctly,

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_apost.html

 

and also capitalizing Orchan, it should have been lower case.(it would have been the same thing as capitalizing the world human throughout).

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(posting from work during lunchhour)

 

Glad you liked it. The whole thing hadnt been proof read yet, hence the typos and grammar errors), was hoping to get that done for you once my mouse @ home is replaced etc. I guess theres not much need now, as I notice you've posted it already in the official section \o/

 

 

So, a quick pointer on a couple things. There's some unanswered questions which can be left to future writers, if they wish to take this further. The most obvious and easy one is Who was the one that sent Ursul and is MORE powerful than Time?

 

Well if you dont know who Teh God is by now...

 

What about that last chapter, it doesnt fit in with the fragmented time one, Rivena claimed she didnt know if the vision was future or past but in her vision it was not a boy who was being born, so obviously wasnt Time, a girl...but who is it?? If Jerun and Rivena gave birth to a boy as powerful as Time...what will become of the girl? Will there be any sibling rivalry? How is Jerun gonna take all this news anyway?

 

And what about Ursul herself, who is she REALLY? I mean come ON, that time she got pwndededed by Jerun, she was not meant to be seen by any mortal ever again yet here she is?

*AHHH but the grandmasters ARENT mortal, technically. And neither will the players themselves be if they "happen" to see her on their travels around EL sometime. Possibly. Because you players are Eternals :(

As for her appearing at the right time and place, it was no mere convenience of plotline that I included that her "Dust be scattered to Time itself!"

 

From Times' unique vantage point, all living things are merely dust (at some point anyway) so it became a side effect of the spell that Ursul was sent to the point she was to finally clean his clock for him (washpot humour, my bad).

 

Hang on...I dont think Time and Nerala are gonna get on very well. Theyre both kinda child-like and arent they gonna end up scrapping like schoolyard enemies, by the looks of the storyline so far?

 

Yes. Very Possibly. And?

 

Well? Go on, keep asking and get writing!

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