I wanna kill someone for telling me this joke...

[sparhawk]

Those jokes of yours remind me of Dune, that machine who wanted to be human Eramus. I found it scary,frightening and funny at the same time because of the pun.

[Entropy]

What is big, red, and if it would fall from a tree would kill you?

A bus.

 

What is small, yellow, and crawls on the ground?

A vietnamese looking for mines.

 

What is small, yellow, and flies?

A vietnamese that found one?

 

What is black and has one leg?

A black guy with a missing leg.

 

What is black and has 2 legs?

A normal black guy.

 

What is black and has 3 legs?

A piano.

[spounty]

kinda reminds me of a joke one of my friends told me once:

 

there was a guy and he owned a hotel, every morning he had to get up and serve all 5 of his floors in the hotel breakfast,so he was at the bottom and he went up and around and up and around up and around and said to the first floor what would you like wheatbix or cornflakes? and the person said wheatbix

 

then he went up and around up and around up and around and said to the second floor "wheatbix or cornflakes" and they ordered cornflakes

 

then he went up and around up and around up and around and said to the second floor "wheatbix or cornflakes" and they ordered wheatbix

 

then he went up and around up and around up and around and said to the second floor "wheatbix or cornflakes" and they ordered cornflakes

 

then he went up and around up and around up and around and said to the second floor "wheatbix or cornflakes" and they ordered wheatbix

 

then he went down and around down and around down and around

down and around down and around down and around

down and around down and around down and around

down and around down and around down and around

down and around down and around down and around

 

and got all the stuff ready

 

then he went up and around up and around up and around,then gave them wheatbix

then he went up and around up and around up and around,then gave them cornflakes

then he went up and around up and around up and around,then gave them wheatbix

then he went up and around up and around up and around,then gave them cornflakes

then he went up and around up and around up and around,then gave them wheatbix

 

wanna know what the moral to the storage is?

 

3 out of 5 people like wheatbix for breakfast...

[darkguy]

Innocent Kid

 

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to the local police station, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men tacked to a bulletin board.

 

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

 

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."

 

So Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?

 

Pyramid With 100 Steps

 

There was 3 girls, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. and they found a

pyramid. they read a tablet that said "this is the pyramid of 100 steps. if you

get to the top of it, you will get what you've wanted all your life. but be

warned, every 5 steps a person will pop out and tell a joke, and if you laugh,

you can never try again."

 

so the brunette gets to the 5th step and laughs, so she could never try again.

 

the red head got to the 20th step and laughed, so she could never try again.

 

then the blonde got to the 99th step and laughed. then the guy who was going to

tell the joke said "why did you laugh, i didnt tell the joke yet." then the

blonde said "i know, i laughed because i just got the first joke!"

[thelethalmoo]

lol

[diablox]

Hehe, I have one, afraid it might be inappropriate though, little bit of bad language. Permission?

[thelethalmoo]

Read on its not wat u thnink it is

 

 

 

 

 

dockter dockter i feel like a pair of curtons

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO he didnt say pull yoursellf together he said i was mentaly ill and i should go to a psychiatrist

[KibblesAndBits]

If an ice cream truck runs off a cliff how many ice cream cones does it take to build a doghouse?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11 cause motorcycles dont have doors

[Zelse]

I got one, theres 3 girls, a blonde an American and a Russian.

 

The Russian says "my people were the first people to go to space."

The American says "my people were the first people to land on the moon."

The Blonde says "Yeah well my people are gonna be the first people to go to the sun"

 

The american and russian look at eachother and laugh. Then they say to the blonde: "you can't go to the sun, you'll burn up!"

And the Blonde replies "well duh! we're going at night!"

 

LOL

[Guest ohmygod]

There was a boy who was born with no body, everyday his mom would put him on the kitchen window sill so he could watch the kids play in the park across the road.

 

One day he asked his mom "mom how come i dont have arms and legs like all the other kids?"

His mom said "well son you were born with no body"

 

The little boy then asked "Mom how can i get a body and arms and legs?"

 

"well son if you pray hard enough god my give you them"

 

So for every night for the next 12 months the boy prayed and prayed.

 

one morning he woke up and he had a body, arms and legs.

 

"Mommy! Mommy! look what has happened ! i have prayed and prayed and have been given arms and legs"

 

"how wonderful!"

 

"can i go out and play with the kids across the road?"

 

"yes"

 

So the little boy runs across the road and half way across he gets hit by a car and dies.

 

 

The moral to the story Quit while your a head.

 

[footiemad]

Lemme tell you this joke, but it may be better in actual verbal terms, but maybe its still funny...

 

A boy gets on a bus. He sits in front of another kid, which is laughing for some reason.

"Hey kid, lemme tell you a bad word," the laughing kid said.

"Ok," the kid replies.

"Nah, I can't trust you..."

"Yes you can, " the kid insisted.

"Ok," the kid replies. "Lean over."

The kid leaned over, and the other one whispered "Strawberry" in his ear.

 

The kid was quite confused, but he continued his normal day.

But the next day, he decided to tell about it.

He got on the bus, and told the bus driver, "Mrs. Bus driver, a kid told me a naughty word on the bus yesterday."

"Well son, what was the word?" she asked.

"Strawberry."

"STRAWBERRY!?! Get off my bus, and never come back!"

So the kid walked to school.

The kid walked into the classroom, and his teacher asked "Why are you late?"

"Well, I told the bus driver I heard a kid say a bad word yeaterday, and she kicked me off the bus for saying the word."

"Well, what was the word?" asked the teach.

"Strawberry," the kid answered.

"WHAT! STRAWBERRY!?! Get out of my classroom, and never come back!"

So the little kid went to the principal's office, and talked to the principal.

"What's wrong, son?" the principal asked.

"I got kicked out of the classroom for telling the teacher I told the busdriver that a kid said a bad word, and I got kicked for saying the word."

"Well, what was the word?" he asked.

"Strawberry," he replied.

"STRAWBERRY?!? Get out of my school, and never come back ever again!"

So the kid ran home. His mom saw he was upset.

"What's wrong, son?" she asked.

"I got in trouble for saying a word that I told the principal that I told the teacher that I told the bus driver that a kid said that was bad."

"Well son, what was it?"

"strawberry"

"WHAT! STRAWBERRY!?! Get out of this house, you are no longer part of our family!"

So the upset kid ran from the house to the nearest ice cream parlor (I don't know why...)

The parlor owner saw that the kid was upset, and asked what was wrong.

"I got kicked out of my house for saying a bad word that I told my mom that I told my principal that I told my teacher that I told my bus driver that a bad kid said."

"Well, what was it?" he asked.

"I shouldn't tell you..."

"I'll treat you to a free ice cream if you do. Double scoop."

"Well....ok....the word was strawberry."

"WHAT! STRAWBERRY!?! Get out of my parlor, and never come back!"

So the kid ran away, and rann and ran and ran, and he was hit by a car that was driving down the street.

 

Moral of the story---look both ways before crossing the street.

 

 

LOL BEST JOKE EVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL

[Mad_Raven]

Holy capslock Batman!

[BEAVER]

Knock Knock...

Who's there...

Ted.

Come in.

 

3 kids were sitting on a log.

One goes home and hangs himself.

Buy a bike.

 

An American guy, an Asian guy, and a Russian guy travel to the top of this mountain where treasure lies.

But a dragon guarded the treasure...a dragon who hadn't laughed in centuries. So he made a deal with these 3 men...

 

He gave them each 3 metal balls. They had to make them laugh or he would eat them. So they each get an act together..

 

First up is the American. He starts juggling..smiling...doing tricks...having a great time.

 

Dragon eats him.

 

Next is the Asian. He found that the balls had magnetic force and friction in them, so he made them move by themselves and made them spark electricity.

 

Dragon eats him.

 

The Russian is up last. He comes in looking all sad. This suprises the dragon, so he asks, "Why do you look so sad?"

The Russian looks up at him and says....

 

"I lost one of the balls"

Edited July 11, 2006 by BEAVER

[Knuckles]

What is small, yellow, and crawls on the ground?

A vietnamese looking for mines.

 

What is small, yellow, and flies?

A vietnamese that found one?

 

[dejan]

One of the worst "jokes" i have read so far, i must admit it. - A typical one - too much text at the begin and at the end one sentence that has nothing to do with the rest of the story...

 

God, save me from this type of "humor"!

[Sabu]

i dont get it ='(

[Granknight]

How many idiots do you need to sink a submarine?

 

two: one that knock and another that opens.

 

 

-Have you ever seen a pink seal with a green umbrella in the middle of the road over a car?

-No!

-Me too.

Edited July 29, 2006 by Granknight