JohnnyFrog Report post Posted April 20, 2006 Don't know if this belongs here... please move it if there is a more fitting location The Pk’er You talk of honour little one What know you of honour? Was honour in your heart when you struck down an angel as we sparred? To you, honour is a word. A mask. A sham. A facade to hide behind. A word that echoes and rattles inside you. For you are empty. A husk. Vacant. You are a buyer of dead legends. You dream of inhabiting the deeds of others but they are of a stature that you can never fill. You will read this and swear revenge, You will rattle your sabre and hunt me. You will slay me again and again... But all for naught, for I will return, time and again. Relentless. It is a long walk out of Hell But it is a path I tread gladly for this chance to expose you before your peers And each time you kill me these words will resound within you... You cannot beat me. I am above you. I am beyond you, and ever will be. You cannot kill my words. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Regar1 Report post Posted April 21, 2006 both of your poems are quite good, but i think they'd fit better in the "Story and Ideas" section of the forum Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The_Piper Report post Posted April 21, 2006 Anyways, good thoughts, nice one. Piper Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyFrog Report post Posted April 21, 2006 Thanks for the comments... I'll put any future mutterings in "Story and I deas" as requested... Could a mod please move both of the threads over there if that is the right home for this type of stuff. Thankyou. I saw some other poetry in RolePlay so this is where it ended up...sorry Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sundulana Report post Posted April 21, 2006 WoW JohnnyFrog.... good poem, and i agree with you on your thoughts about honors, in EL of course. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lyanna Report post Posted April 21, 2006 (edited) This poem is good too. Not as brilliant technically as the other one, but the thematic and emotional imagery is much stronger. Only one thing seemed a little off. I would recommend changing when you struck downan angel as we sparred? to when you struck downan angel as we sparred? or maybe even when you struck downan angel as we sparred? The reason for this is I feel that you would want to highlight the innocence and purity of the angel as a counterpoint to the PKer. To do that, you should emphasise the importance of "an angel", and that works better as a separate line instead of buried in the middle of a phrase. If you want to keep the emphasis on "sparred", then probably the third version is better (I think so too), but if you have no special preference, then the second version is fine. It's still a good poem nevertheless. -Lyn- Edited April 21, 2006 by Lyanna Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyFrog Report post Posted April 21, 2006 Thanks for the comments to both poems... I'm gonna square with you.. I'm not a poet, I don't read much poetry and I haven't written any poetry since school... and then I was forced to In both poems I didn't really stop to think about it... they just sort of came out that way... so if they're a bit cluncky in places I'm not surprised... I don't really know what I'm doing. So, with that noted if you liked them, I'll do some more...please criticise as much as you like...best way to learn. I take on board your suggestion about "an angel" being on a line on its own... I'd probably take your first suggestion...scans better like that. Thanks again Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vwpro Report post Posted April 22, 2006 wow verry nice poem, reminds me of zaer playing on piano Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zaer Report post Posted April 22, 2006 (edited) lmfao shiv nice poem! Edited April 22, 2006 by Zaer Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alderan Report post Posted May 11, 2006 Nice poem. But that doesn't describe all PKers. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyFrog Report post Posted May 12, 2006 It's not meant to describe all pk'ers It's called 'The PK'er' rather than 'The PK'ers' So it's aimed at one person in particular rather than a group of people... I have no particular problem with there being predators in EL... as long as they are open and honest about their nature Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aislinn Report post Posted May 12, 2006 I found it obvious he had somebody specific in mind. I am no expert of poetry, but I found it very good. Maybe you should take it up as a hobby I found it to have good rhythm and your thoughts and feelings were clear without being cluttered with too many words. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyFrog Report post Posted May 12, 2006 A hobby????? Between work, kids and EL you think I have time for hobbies?????!!!!! I barely get any sleep as it is... Seriously though... thanks for the comments, glad you liked the poems Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ShYne Report post Posted June 5, 2006 wow verry nice poem, reminds me of zaer playing on piano ROFLMAO Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kacper Report post Posted June 16, 2006 Too LOng to read this all....uff but ghood ideas for Pkers- JOhny i think you are small GEnius Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
relyt Report post Posted June 23, 2006 cool poem great work Share this post Link to post Share on other sites