007 Report post Posted October 27, 2005 (edited) Okay so these are the first draft of lyrics for a song I just started writing. I've got a full guitar part written for it too, but I haven't recorded it at all. I just wrote it all about an hour ago. This is mostly about my girlfriend, who keeps getting jealous and suspicious and paranoid. It's been making me upset and I figured I'd write a song about it. There's no title for it yet. Like I said, I just wrote this, so the lyrics aren't as good as they can be. Also, like all songs, it sounds a hundred times better with music. I'd appreciate any feedback at all, but you don't need to reply just to make me feel good about it if it sucks Thanks in advance You saw me looking backwards in this stormy-weathered light And though you'd do the same you can't admit that this is right We're still dancing on the edge of our mountain of words And we know just what to say to get by unhurt But you're not going down you're not going down No you're not going down you're not going down So you move away and then you say it was me all along You move away and then you, you you move away Edited October 28, 2005 by 7 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Enyo Report post Posted October 27, 2005 213942[/snapback] the lyrics are very nice keep up the good work.. i can't wait to hear the finished product.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
007 Report post Posted October 28, 2005 UGH! i just noticed i put "or" instead of "of" for "mountain of words" thx for the feedback enyo Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
I_am_Spock Report post Posted November 8, 2005 (edited) way short, keep working on it though and that won't be a problem. Edit: Some of the words can be better matched, or replaced. Unhurt for example.... you could make that two stanzas if your not following a specific pattern. Here's two ideas... if you want to use them fine, but you probably want something original for this piece. You saw me looking backwards in this stormy-weathered light And though you'd do the same you can't admit that this is right We're still dancing on the edge of our mountain of words And we know just what to say to------------------And we know just what we've got to say, get by unhurt --------------------------so we don't break each other's hearts. But you're not going down ------------------------And we know.... you're not going down-----------------------------So that we can get by yet another day No you're not going down-------------------------And I'm here to say you're not going down-----------------------------You're not going down today..... So you move away and then you say it was me all along You move away and then you, you you move away Edited November 8, 2005 by I_am_Spock Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
007 Report post Posted November 8, 2005 (edited) Wow spock thats very very good! seriously thats amazing stuff Thx a bunch for the feedback! If you really don't mind I might use the words you used, if you dont want me to then I can try to model after what you did. Edited November 8, 2005 by 7 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
I_am_Spock Report post Posted November 9, 2005 Wow spock thats very very good! seriously thats amazing stuff Thx a bunch for the feedback! If you really don't mind I might use the words you used, if you dont want me to then I can try to model after what you did. You can use them if you want, I just thought it would be better to have it 100 percent original. Thanks for the praise though, but you gotta think that my freetime I sit down and write. I've got quite a few songs, don't write them down much anymore. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
007 Report post Posted November 9, 2005 Yeah I'll most likely write my own to make it more meaningful to me. I wish I had more free time to write songs but school is so tough this year that I'm really limited Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
