The Rig

[warmastermage]

The Findings

 

I have researched deeply the old tomes of the olde times and discovered that one time in the history of the world one of the gods in a fit of anger sent a large lump of coal the size of a island crashing into the southern seas. It was rumored to have drifted further south and froze into a landmass. The legend states that a fire boiled beneith it, the fire in the earth rose and formed a mine filled with tons of sulfur. I sent a ship to the south poles and found this very island and thought of a use for it. I have drawn blueprints of a rig that can be used to put this island to use. It consists of a Upper level to contain masses of ore and a lower furnace that contains masses of Enriched Essences of Fire to fuel the sulfur and coal and melt the ores and cool off containers for the ore to cool into bars. I will present my findings to the council to see what they would do.

 

The Presentation, Construction, and Voyage

 

The council has agreed to put in 50million gold coins into this project and has sent a team of elite dwarves to assist me. They loaded 1000 ships with 80million eternal matter units of Titanium ore to be shipped to the island. A team of skilled manufactures, miners, and alchemists have built my rig for me in peices and plans to put it when they arrive at the island I feel confident that this expedition will lead to an Industrial revolution in the history of the dwarves. We set sail and endured many weeks of harsh weather that I have experienced before on my last journey there after 4 weeks we finnaly arrived at the frozen island. I have named it The Rig City. The team of elite manufacturers will soon build this rig.

 

South Pole, Rig City

 

Day 1

Before the manufacturers can begin building this rig, we must find a way to dispose of the top layer of ice. We sent a team of elite miners to dig off the ice with no prevail. One of the many wise dwarves has suggested to fill the inside of this first layer of ice with coal and set off a enormous explosion. We tried the idea and it worked with a massive bang the ice tumbled into the ocean the manufacterers will begin construction of the rig tommorow

 

Day 2

They have pieced together the rig with great speed and put it together with great skill. First they laid down the foundation and poured molten liquid to bind it to the ground. Then they built the lower levels in the coal. Then they peiced together the upper levels and added the cool-off sections and poured molten steel over it all to finish the rig.

 

Day 3

They rig is finished and the dwarves have begun to haul the titanium ore into the upper levels the upper melting levels can contain 8million emus of titanium ore. They then dug the coal and sulfur into the lower levels and set it aflame with an essence of enriched fire and smelthed all the ore, 1million bars of titanium in 100 ships are heading back to the mainland.

 

Day 4

The ore smelting is continuing but we are running into some problems. Some of the ice is melting and water spilled into the lower levels we had to use several EFEs to smelt our quota of ore. We have smelted 2 million bars and are left with 800 ships.

 

Day 5

The problem is continuing and is getting worse we also found some leaks in the rig that seem to slow down the production and today we used 10 EFEs to smelt these ores but the ice seems to melt more. They have smelted some of the titanium and tried to fix it but with no prevail we have smelted 3million bars and are left with 700 ships.

 

Day 6

Surprisingly, we used only 1 EFE today and thank goodness because our supply was running low. We do not know what caused this but we are very thankful for it because of this surprising event, we have reached double our quota and so far smelthed 5million bars and are left with 500 ships.

 

Day 7

Our bars production have skyrocketed but we are running low of coal and sulfur and we are down to just 1 EFE but thank fully we have smelthed 4 million bars today for a total of 9 million we just need to finish 1 million to go and 400 ships were sent to ship the bars we are left to our last 100 ships.

 

Day 8

We have found the source of why the smelting process was sped up. They discovered liquid coal or what the mage dwarves called oil. We tried to smelt the ore but the oil leaked in and the lower levels caught aflame. We had to stop it but the fire kept spreading we have blocked off the fire from the oil but it is slowly burning through the coal and sulfur! The ships have sent with the 900tousand bars to the mainland and the remaining 10 ships are leaving to prevent disaster. The upper level then completely melted off from heat and all the molten liquid went spilling into the water melting the ice and sent oil into the water. The fire from the lower levels is seeping out and we are afraid.

 

Day 9

All attempts have failed to contain the hazard and the fire destroyed the lower levels. We tried to flee but some of the ships stayed behind. The fire reached the oil and there was an enormous explosion. The rig the island and the sea floor exploded and most of the dwarves that we left fell to thier doom. We managed to escape and sailed for the mainland. Our beautiful smelting facility has been destroyed and all is lost.

 

A long 4 week voyage later

We came back to the mainland and have found the 990tousand titanium bars were stored and the city heard the news they had a memorial to honor the fallen dwarves. I shall always remember those fallen dwarves and it fills me with sadness and guilt that haunts me to this day............

 

-The Jounal of a Dwarf

 

Epilogue

 

The dwarves put the bars into construction of Gothrag, the new underground dwarf city/mine the dwarves have lived prosperous since its opening and the economy thrives. In the town square lies the statues of the fallen dwarves. Many things born of fire and coal live in the city. Forges and Mines with new dwarven ideas and innovations have made the mining of ore, the smelthing of ore, and the forging of weapons and armors faster than ever. Since the fall of the Rig and the construction the the City of Gothrag, the dwarves are in a Golden Age.

 

This Story takes place in the distant future of Serdia.

Edited October 30, 2005 by warmastermage

[Brom]

This is excellently done. I have not exactly read it. but I did glance over enough to give some input.

- Numbers under 10 are usually written out longhand. one, two, three, four.

- Abbreviations and shortening of words I would not recommend you use, such as EFE.

- Seperate up things like "50million" to "50 million"

 

Typos/Errors I found. Not a through check.

Day 3

They rig is finished and the dwarves have begun to haul the titanium ore into the upper levels the upper melting levels...

I think that is supposed to be two sentences.

Day 3
They rig is finished and the dwarves have begun to haul the titanium ore into the upper [B]levels.  The[/B] upper melting levels...

 

900tousand > 900 thousand

[Derin]

I like it

 

 

A few comments...

 

The scale of things is hundreds of thousands here millions there. All this in 8 days. I think it would be better to scale it down a little bit (but that's just my opinion).

 

Nevertheless, a good story. Not sure it will fit as an official story tho.

[Arnieman]

Just wanted to give another suggestion - If you are writing this journal-style, you may want to make it sound like something the person writing this would write - such as, talk like a dwarf if he's a dwarf, use simpler language (and maybe you can save your abbreviations (shorthand)) if he's a laborer or "foreman" of the labor crew, and similar other dialect techniques.

 

I like the story, though.

[warmastermage]

The dwarf in this case is a scholarly dwarf that grew up learning with humans and doesnt really have an accent. And about the numbers of the bars i dont think the serdia polititions would be interested in this if it were not a lot of bars a couple of thousand bars wont interest people, boost the dwarves into an industrial revolution and be enough to build gothrag.

[Derin]

And about the numbers of the bars i dont think the serdia polititions would be interested in this if it were not a lot of bars a couple of thousand bars wont interest people, boost the dwarves into an industrial revolution and be enough to build gothrag.

214775[/snapback]

 

Its the scale of time that doesn't make sense.

"after 4 weeks we finnaly arrived at the frozen island" and yet on Day 9 "We managed to escape and sailed for the mainland" and arrived on....... Day 10 ("We came back to the mainland and have found the 990tousand titanium bars were stored")

 

It doesn't add up and I still think that the sheer scale of things needs to be looked at (if you want advice, that is)

Its your story, it will not go into the EL storyline, but still I assume you want it to appear credible, don't you?

[warmastermage]

And about the numbers of the bars i dont think the serdia polititions would be interested in this if it were not a lot of bars a couple of thousand bars wont interest people, boost the dwarves into an industrial revolution and be enough to build gothrag.

214775[/snapback]

 

Its the scale of time that doesn't make sense.

"after 4 weeks we finnaly arrived at the frozen island" and yet on Day 9 "We managed to escape and sailed for the mainland" and arrived on....... Day 10 ("We came back to the mainland and have found the 990tousand titanium bars were stored")

 

It doesn't add up and I still think that the sheer scale of things needs to be looked at (if you want advice, that is)

Its your story, it will not go into the EL storyline, but still I assume you want it to appear credible, don't you?

215141[/snapback]

 

Fixed the problem but i cant make any major improvements to it untill im finished with my ingame project. Its going to take about 15 weeks or so untill i can edit my stories.

[Brom]

Ohh, what in-game projects do you have?