Oh Those Men :p

[Jezebelle]

Q:Why do men have to flex their muscles around women so much?

A:Because they have nothing else to brag about.

 

Q:What is the best way to get a man to stop pestering you?

A:Stare at his crotch and laugh.

 

Q:Why do men never stop to ask for directions?

A:Because they aren't lost, they just don't know where they are.

 

Q:If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

A:YES!!!

 

Why do men think they're so superior if they have to become men while women just are?

 

3 ways to have fun with men:

1.tell him that this girl he likes wants a kiss

2.take out the batteries on the remote and then tell him that a Football game is on

3.wait till the first two are complete, then innocently tell him that you thought he knew better.

 

 

Q:Why are blonde jokes so short?

A: So men can remember them.

 

What did god say after he made Adam?

"I can do better than that." then he made Eve.

 

Q: Do you know the real reason Moses wandered in the desert for 40 years?

A: Because even back then men wouldn't stop and ask for directions.

 

 

One day, God calls on Adam & says, "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I gave you a penis and a brain. The bad news is that I only gave you enough blood to operate one organ at a time."

Edited May 25, 2005 by Jezebelle

[LabRat]

I would like to officially lodge my distaste and embarrasment at this post. I found it upsetting and very degrading, and I will never read another post written by a gender that believes mice are more dangerous than loaded crossbows.

 

It is posts like this that bring down the whole taste of these forums, and I will be forwarding my complaint to a moderator for immediate deletion.

 

I demand an immediate withdrawal of all posts showing males in a negative light, and replacement with links to blonde jokes.

 

Jez I am very disappointed in you, believing that the best way to get back at the true events shown in the blonde threads is to have any form of retaliation, instead of binding your feet so the kitchen sink is nearer.

[Learner]

I would like to officially lodge my distaste and embarrasment at this post.  I found it upsetting and very degrading, and I will never read another post written by a gender that believes mice are more dangerous than loaded crossbows.

 

It is posts like this that bring down the whole taste of these forums, and I will be forwarding my complaint to a moderator for immediate deletion.

 

I demand an immediate withdrawal of all posts showing males in a negative light, and replacement with links to blonde jokes.

 

Jez I am very disappointed in you, believing that the best way to get back at the true events shown in the blonde threads is to have any form of retaliation, instead of binding your feet so the kitchen sink is nearer.

164619[/snapback]

http://www.zelo.com/blonde/

http://www.cs.utah.edu/~scook/html/blonde.htm

http://www.ahajokes.com/blonde_jokes.html

...

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=blonde+jokes

[The_Piper]

:lol:

 

Piper

[Placid]

LabRat, you need to learn to take a joke. I found it quite funny, and im both blonde and male.

 

If you find the other threads in this here forum funny, then you cannot shy at this thread.

[LabRat]

LabRat, you need to learn to take a joke. I found it quite funny, and im both blonde and male.

 

If you find the other threads in this here forum funny, then you cannot shy at this thread.

164628[/snapback]

Wow I must really be good at sounding serious.. short of hitting me with a tank (well we all know women shouldn't drive don't we) nothing the delightful Jezebelle could say or do would hurt or offend me.. apart from banning me from Tink

[Placid]

You did sound serious

[Jezebelle]

Wow I must really be good at sounding serious.. short of hitting me with a tank (well we all know women shouldn't drive don't we) nothing the delightful Jezebelle could say or do would hurt or offend me.. apart from banning me from Tink

164630[/snapback]

 

 

Thats another thing about men..lol..they always TRY to sound serious..but only other MEN think they realy are..us women know better

 

And..Labrat..It ok..I dont hold anything against you..after al..you're just a man

 

P.s. I may sound..as if i dislike men all together..but those who know me..know better

 

*hugs*

 

Jez

[sKuller]

I love the way we get moaned at, especially for leaving the toilet seat up, whats with that...oh and to you lovely ladies...why do you always leave a bit of tissue at the bottom of the pan? 2p or not 2p

[Jezebelle]

Ioh and to you lovely ladies...why do you always leave a bit of tissue at the bottom of the pan?     2p or not 2p

164681[/snapback]

 

 

we leave that for you guys to aim better

 

*hugs*

 

Jez

 

and oh..i thought it suitable..I remembered this quote..its from a male, obviously..can anyone guess who its from?

 

"once you get rid of integrity, the rest is a piece of cake"

Edited May 25, 2005 by Jezebelle

[Lyanna]

Hehe... LabRat's post was obviously satire... as soon as he made that "blonde jokes links" statement, you could tell.

 

Here's one, directly aimed at the other thread.

 

Q: Why are men happier?

A: Ignorance is bliss.

 

-Lyn-

[Tanyia]

Men. Can't live with them, but I can't seem to live without mine. Darnit.

 

Jeze, awesome jokes! Grrl power! *grrrrr hissss draws tigrrrr claws of feminine doom*

[Korgan]

2.take out the batteries on the remote and then tell him that a Football game is on

Actually if this happened to me, I'd be more like "Eww, sports! Turn the damned thing off so I can play Anarchy Online in peace!". ^_^

[LabRat]

Actually if this happened to me, I'd be more like "Eww, sports! Turn the damned thing off so I can play Anarchy Online in peace!". ^_^

164783[/snapback]

 

IMO the only things a TV are useful for are:

* Keeping the mother-in-law happy with reruns of quiz shows so she can look intelligent (even after 5 views she still gets the answers wrong)

* TV out so I can play Eternal Lands from 10 feet away (but this will be defunct once I save £800 up for a projector and paint a wall white)

[Jezebelle]

you men are obviously still not convinced of the power we hold over menkind (No, this was not a spellingerror)

 

Listen to this:

 

The Moods of a Woman...

 

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,

A woman is a bundle of contradiction.

She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,

But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,

She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,

She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,

She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk.

At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,

She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

 

The Moods of a Man....

 

Hungry.

Horny.

Sleepy

 

Now..need I say more?

 

Ok, ok..try this then :

 

Because I'm a man,

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start.

 

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

 

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for! which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. ( F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)

 

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

 

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.

 

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

 

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mothe! r's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.

 

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

 

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

 

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

 

 

 

 

and oh *sighs* I still wouldnt know what to do without you guys

 

*hugs*

 

Jez

[Grum]

The Moods of a Woman...

 

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,

A woman is a bundle of contradiction.

She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,

But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,

She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,

She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,

She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk.

At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,

She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

 

The Moods of a Man....

 

Hungry.

Horny.

Sleepy

164836[/snapback]

And yet you somehow seem to think that the first option is preferable...

[Learner]

That isn't right, I can handle a computer very thank you and if you as what I'm thinking about its EL, sex, and computers. Never anything about football!

[Logger]

Well Jeze let me give u a few wonderful things of being a guy!

 

1. Men don't have to wear make-up to look good.

2. Men don't need any1 else to open jars for them

3. One mood all the time.

4. A man only requires about 6 things in his bathroom (razor, shaving cream, toothbrush, toothpaste, soap and a towel), whereas woman have about 400 items

5. None of a man's co-workers have the power to make him cry

6. Men don't have to carry a bag with them, wherever they go.

7. A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item she doesnt need.

8. Men never have to give birth (LOLOL)

9. Men get paid more than woman for doing the same work.

10. a Phone conversation is over in 30 seconds flat, with woman it's like 30 minutes.

11. Men almost never have to queue up for the toilets...

12. Men only go shopping when tehre is something they need to buy.

13. three pairs of shoes are enough for any guy.

14. Men don't have to shave below their neck.

Edited May 26, 2005 by Logger

[scarr]

9. Men get paid more than woman for doing the same work.

 

lolzzzzzz

[justice_knight]

damn even we didnt sink that low

[shallara]

I will never read another post written by a gender that believes mice are more dangerous than loaded crossbows.

 

As a woman, I find this remark in and of itself sexist and degrading. I own a pet ball python that I personally feed full grown live rats. I find crossbows absolutely fascinating peices of weaponry, and adore a beautifully made sword or dagger. I have been known to drive hefty trucks that can go anywhere, and I am my own mechanic.

 

Any other senseless babble you would like to add for us women to analyze?

 

I would be more than happy to correct any other falacies.

[Daxon]

I have been known to drive hefty trucks that can go anywhere, and I am my own mechanic.

165053[/snapback]

 

One can only hope you have a twin or you're part of triplets.

[Jezebelle]

One can only hope you have a twin or you're part of triplets. 

165057[/snapback]

 

 

Why, Daxon, "dear?" Because..you guys finaly start to realise..you need us? Cant live without us? The world is useless if not for us? You would have no purpose in life without us to..er..'love'?

 

Hahahaha..for once..it would be great..to hear a man admit we women..are needed..more then their remote controles

 

Now..What man isnt afraid to admit that? Come on..be a MAN..for once

 

*hugs*

Jez

[shallara]

One can only hope you have a twin or you're part of triplets.  

165057[/snapback]

 

Come on Dax, ya really think any man could handle two of me? Much less three??

 

The only siblings I have are 6 brothers, but as of right now they are all single...ya want their numbers?

Edited May 27, 2005 by shallara

[shasso]

Why, Daxon, "dear?" Because..you guys finaly start to realise..you need us? Cant live without us? The world is useless if not for us? You would have no purpose in life without us to..er..'love'?

 

Hahahaha..for once..it would be great..to hear a man admit we women..are needed..more then their remote controles

165061[/snapback]

 

umm i thought that was obvious.. i would shoot myself if there was nothing but dudes on this planet