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Mad_Raven

Darwin Awards(for Stupid Deaths)

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Darwin awards

Translated by Mad_Raven.

Enjoy?

Candidates:

1.In September '97. in Detroit,a 41-year old man stuck and drowned in a 1 meter deep water,after he sticked his head out of his car window through a half meter deep street canalization duct so he can reach his car keys.

2.In October ’97. a 49-year old stock broker from San Francisco who is,by the words of his wife,â€totaly confused when runningâ€,accidentally,by broad daylight,jogged off a 70 meter high cliff.

3.Bucston,North Carolina:A man died on a beach when a 5 meters deep sand hole collapsed which he dug out himself and in which he was sitting at the time being.Visitors of the beach say that the 21-year old Daniel Jones dug out the hole for fun or for wind protection,and that he was sitting at the bottom of the hole in a hammock when on Thursday it collapsed and buried him with 3 meters of sand.People at the beach tried to dig a way to Jones,but they failed.It required heavy equipment to the rescue team and an entire hour to set him free while 200 people were watching.At the hospital Jones was declared dead.

4.In February ’98. Santiago Alvarado(24) died in Lompok,California,when he fell head-first through the ceiling of the bicycle shop he planned to rob.Death occurred because his battery lamp,which he held in his mouth so that his hands would be free,smashed his skull when he hit the floor.

5.According to the police from Dalonega,Georgia,a police academy cadet Nick Berena(20)was stabbed to death in January from his partner Geoffrey Hofmann(23)who was trying to prove that a knife couldn’t pierce a bulletproof vest which Berena wore.

6.Silvester Bridle Junior(26)died in February in Shelbyville, Delaware,by winning a bet with his friends who quoted that he can’t place a revolver loaded with 4 bullets in his mouth and pull the trigger.

7.In February,according to the police,in Windsor,Ontario,Daniel Colta(27) and Randy Tailor(33) died in a car crash,and with that playing a tie in a game of “chicken†which they were playing with their snowmobiles.

8.An non-approvable suggestion,but placed for trying?4 people were hurt in a chain of bizarre events.Sherry Meler has a head concussion caused by a flying piece of brick,Tim Vegas was diagnosed a light neck stretch as well as a contusion of chest,hands and face,Brayan Corcoran had a cheek ripped,and Pamela Clezik had her pointing and middle finger of her right hand bitten off.Sherry was following her husband to his first day of work,as an extra to a goodbye kiss,showed him her breasts.â€I’m not yet sure why I did thatâ€,she stated later.â€I was really near the car,so I thought no-one can see.Besides,it didn’t last longer than two seconds.â€However,Tim Vegas,a cab driver,saw that and lost control over the cab,which went over the sidewalk and hit the corner of Johnson’s hospital.Inside Clezik,a dental technician,was cleaning Corcoran’s teeth.From the cab hit she jumped,ripping Corcoran’c cheek with a needle for cleaning.From the pain he bit,and with that he bit off 2 fingers of Clezik’s hand.Meler’s injury came from a piece of brick from the wall of the hospital.

9.Better luck next year!Taos,New Mexico-A woman came to a poison help center after she took 3 anti-baby pills.Her English was so bad that she had to explain how the poisoning occurred,A translator came short after that and he confirmed the doubts of the doctor.Maria Valisnokova thought that the pills were some sort of gum or candy,because she couldn’t read the things written on the box.After the third pill,she understood that something was wrong when her throat and mouth started to fill with sour foam.She ran to the center which was only a couple blocks away,where the doctors managed to wash the foam out of her mouth,throat and stomach without any real consequences.Nice candidate,but she didn’t die.

10.Tacoma in Washington-Carry Bingham was drinking with his friends when one of them said that he knows a person who bungee jumped of the Tacoma Nerouze bridge in when the traffic was heavy.In the end 10 people marched along the sidewalk.It was 4:30 in the morning.By arriving at the middle of the bridge they discovered that no-one brought bungee rope.Bingham,who continued drinking, voluntarily pointed at the cable near the fence.One end of the cable they strapped to Bingham’s foot,and the other to the bridge.Bingham fell 15 meters before the cable tightened and ripped his foot out of his ankle.By miracle he fell into the icy water and was saved by 2 fishermen.â€All I can say is that god watched over me that night.â€Bingham’s foot was never found.

11.3. February 1990. in the city of Renton,Washington a man tried to do an armed robbery.That was probably his first attempt,being he had no police record and he made VERY stupid choices:1.The target of the robbery was a “H&J Leather&Firearms†store.

2.The store was filled with buyers,and in a county state in which more adults carry firearms under their clothing.3.To get in the store he had to go around a police car which was parked in front of the store.4.A policeman in uniform was standing by the register,drinking coffee before he went on duty.After he saw the policeman,the potential robber declared a robbery and fired a few shots.Both the policeman and the salesman returned fire immediately,making him just an ugly spot on the ground.A few of the buyers too withdrew their weapons,but they didn’t fire.No-one else was hurt.

12.In France,Jacques Lefevrie took no chances even when he decided to kill himself.He stood at a top of a very tall cliff and tied a rope around his neck.The other end of the rope he tied to a big rock.He took some poison and set his clothes on fire.He even shot himself when he jumped off the cliff.Unfortunately,the bullet missed him and hit the rope over him.Instead of being hanged,he fell into the sea.The sudden fall into the water made him throw up the poison and put out the fire on his clothes.A kind fisherman took him to a hospital,where Jacques died of hypothermia.

The Darwin awards recognizes:

(1)In Gatrey,Oklahoma,in October,Jason Hek tried to kill a centipede with his 22 caliber rifle,but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near him and hit Antonio Martinez in the head,causing skull fracture.

(2)In Elyria,Ohayo,in October Martin Eskins decided that for cleaning spider web from his basement instead of a broom he should use a let-lamp.He set the first and second floor on fire.

(3)Paul Stiller(47)in September ended up in a hospital in Undower Townsip in New Jersey,and his wife Bonny also got hurt from a quarter of a stick of dynamite which exploded in their car.While they were driving around in 2 AM,from boredom they lit the dynamite and tried to throw it out the window to see what happens,but they overlooked the fact that the window was closed.

(4)In Betulia,Columbia,the year festival in November includes a five-day amateur fighting with bulls.This year no bull got killed,but a dozen matadors got hurt,including one with a pierced head.One contestant stated:â€It’s just one bull against you and a city of a thousand morons.â€

And,the winner is…..*drums roll*….

Japan Times,16. April 1997.â€The government must stop that insanity called ‘pumping’,declared to the press an official of the Nacon Racasima hospital in Tailand.â€If that perversion goes on,it will destroy the cream of the male population of Tailand.â€He declared that after the remains of 13-year old Carncai Puanmuagangpak got “deliveredâ€to the hospital emergency wing.Most of the “pumpers†use a bike pumpâ€,he explained,â€by placing the tube of the pump deep into their rectum so they can by pumping get them selves into a high* state.It’s a sin against God.*Pumping pressurized air into the rectum causes a state much like taking heroine.It appeared that young Carnacai went even further.He used a foot 2-cylinder pump,but he couldn’t get enough.He started bragging to his friends that he will try pumping himself with the tube from the compressor from the nearby gas station.They teased him to do it,so he once,under the cover of darkness,snuck in at the gas station.Not realizing how much the compressor was strong,he injected the tube into his rectum and inserted a coin into the compressor automaton machine.Almost immediate death occurred,leaving passersby still in shock.A woman declared that what she saw then much resembled a fireworks,after which she started applauding.â€Still not all of his parts are foundâ€,stated the police officials.â€When that much air comes in contact with internal gasses,immediate explosion occurs.That would be like an atom bomb explosion or something.â€â€Pumping is an evil thing,and we all must say no to Satanâ€,declared the hospital official.â€Pump your bike tires all the ways you can,but when you finish,put the pump away somewhere no-one can tease you.â€

 

I translated all of this,which means i'm a genius. :D;)

Edited by Mad_Raven

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...There's a Darwin Awards website in English, by the way. :D

Oh yeah, and sometime recently, a man had a knife in his pocket and bent down to pick up some change, stabbing himslef in the stomach. -_-

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...There's a Darwin Awards website in English, by the way. :D

Oh yeah, and sometime recently, a man had a knife in his pocket and bent down to pick up some change, stabbing himslef in the stomach. -_-

161347[/snapback]

shhhhh....!People won't read this if there's a website! ;)

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Haha I love the Darwin Awards. Though I've read all these before.

 

10.Tacoma in Washington-Carry Bingham was drinking with his friends when one of them said that he knows a person who bungee jumped of the Tacoma Nerouze bridge

 

On another note, not to nitpick but it's the Tacoma Narrows Bridge. It's that famous bridge that fell apart from high winds.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tacoma_Narrows_Bridge

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LoL some ppl r just 2 stupid.

161616[/snapback]

 

Thats why wise MN eliminates them. :) You wouldn't like them to procreate, would you?

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Thats why wise MN eliminates them. :P You wouldn't like them to procreate, would you?

162561[/snapback]

 

No that would be bad.

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