Kenneth916 Report post Posted February 21, 2005 Hi everyone. I'm sorry to post something with this tone on the boards, but I really need some input from people who have been in similar situations. There is a baby, from my wife's extended family, who is going to be without a mommy and daddy, due to two heavy drug habits. My wife and I are in our very late 20's, and don't have children of our own yet, so we are both feeling the biological urges. I've always wanted a child, and never felt that it needed be my blood to be mine. It's kinda ripping my heart apart. This would be a huge life change. Everything would need to change. We would have to be much better about our finances (we have the money, but it would require a lot of restructuring, like selling my house and buying a smaller place with just the equity. Wifie would really have to stay at home for at least a while, so we would lose that income. I would need to do some significant repairs on the house. Our house keeping would need to improve. Everything would need to be baby-proofed. There will be medical problems, the baby has withdrawal symptoms (they don't know if they will ever go away). And there will be legal problems… I have no doubt that the mother would try to stay involved, and even try to get the baby back. I know I just listed a bunch of negatives, but my heart is still pulling me toward trying to make a home for the baby. If you've been in a situation like this, or are just a fairly new parent, I'd like to hear from you. Thanks, Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Leeloo Report post Posted February 22, 2005 And you're asking on a game forum where the typical age is around 12? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Placid Report post Posted February 22, 2005 Im not the sort of person for this advice, but i'll be cheesey. Go with what your instinct says Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
honeybee Report post Posted February 22, 2005 People often make this mistake but you are looking at all the wrong things about having a baby. The truth is what you need to ask yourselves is, do you have the time for a baby, do you have the patience, and most importantly do you have it in you to be self- sacrificing. The state of your house and how much money you have are the least most important issues. (Baby-proofing doesnt really need to be done till it is walking) Ask yourselves can you cope on only 4 hours of broken sleep, can you cope with constant mess and can you cope with no time to yourselves. People always under estimate what having a baby will do not only to yourself but also to the relationship. All a baby really needs is LOVE, the unconditional, all-consuming, totally rips your heart out kind of love. Not everyone has the capability to give this type of love. (hence the state of the world these days) If you feel you have it in you to be this type of person, then go for it with as much passion as you can find and never fade or dwindle when the going gets tough. because it will. As for the mother being involved, as little as possible untill the child is older and more secure within its family unit would be the best possible solution. If you need to discuss further then feel free to pm me. Yours faithfully Honeybee, Mother of 3 boys, who are my life, my soul, my everything Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kenneth916 Report post Posted February 22, 2005 Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply and to those of you who PM'd me. We still don't know what's going to happen, but as thinks change I'll try to keep you posted. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
xavier1 Report post Posted February 24, 2005 I am a single father of a beautiful little 2 year old girl. It is a major life change taking care of a child. I had to give up many things that I loved so that I could give her everything that she needs. I use to be a very socially active person, but all of that changed the day she was born. Every waking minute is spent taking care of her. You really can't prepare yourself mentally for the kind of responsibility of raising a child. But even though I have given up so much, I have gained so much. The first time you hear your child say "daddy luv you" it makes everything worth it. There is no greater love then the love between a child and a parent. My advice to you is this, if you can truly provide a home where the child will be the most important thing (this means you are willing to give up everything), I say do it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Herny Report post Posted February 24, 2005 leeloo's right...*is 12 years old* but, i'd tell you that all the advice you ever need is in placid's post and, of course, RL overrides EL anytime, anyday, anywhere Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rebootedrock Report post Posted February 24, 2005 You dont want to hear what I would say, it would be sure to offend everyone on the forum and we have to be PC on here don't we? So pursue knowledge and form your own opinion. Read some books about parenthood and/or adoption, they might help. Sayonara. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clipper Report post Posted February 24, 2005 Hey, my wife and I have just started the adoption process. We're in our late 20's (kinda hurts to type that...like I'm making it official), and decided why have one of our own, when there are so many kids being born each day with no one to love or take care of them. So, we spent months thinking and praying about this before we took the first steps. Everything just felt right, just like when I met my wife, and she felt the same, so we decided to go for it. We'll probably be adopting a child of another race, and that's cool too. You may not have the option of much time, but i would suggest you and your wife really search your hearts because there's no going back. We expect it to be a very rewarding, but challenging exerpience. I'd be curious to find out what you decide and how it goes. So, keep us posted. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kenneth916 Report post Posted March 4, 2005 I guess there is good news.... His grandfather will be adopting him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Placid Report post Posted March 4, 2005 I guess there is good news.... His grandfather will be adopting him. Awww, that probably is good news. But I wouldnt give up, there are still plenty of options for adoption if you still feel you'd like to Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
