The Creation Of Corren Town

[Hammen]

Before I get started, does the village north of Portland on the Portland map - the one with the flower shop - have a name?

 

Long ago, a group of followers of Selain lived in the city by the river, just north of Portland. However, the people of Portland were devout followers of Glilin, an enemy of Selain, and did not like their neighbors to the north. After one particularly nasty deed, the details of which have been forgotten through the passage of time, the citizens of Portland took up arms and chased them further north, into the Kamara Desert.

Now, if these refugees were smart, they would have turned east, and headed for Southern Kilaran. Unfortunately for them, they were moved by greed, and when one among them remembered the tales of a cavern, somewhere in the desert, filled with valuable crystals and ores, they all decided to travel north, deeper into the desert. Inevitably, they got lost, and many of them died from thirst and the heat. They prayed to Selain to help them find the legendary caverns, and no response came. Later on, their prayers changed to pleas of mercy, asking Selain to save their lives. Still, no answer came. Finally, when almost their entire number were dead and gone, they decided to pray to any and every god out there, hoping to find some salvation.

Aluwen could not bear to see suffering of these people, even though they were followers of Selain, but because they were followers of an enemy of hers, she could not help them. Finally, she came to a decision; she would give them a sign that only someone willing to follow her would realise was a sign. And so, one day, the now small group of people saw three deer in the middle of the desert. By now, these people were hungry as well as thirsty, and so many of them wanted to kill these animals, but a few among them wondered how deer could survive in the desert. They tried to convince the others that it must be some sort of sign from a god, but the rest of the group wouldn't listen, and so the deer were killed, and the people ate, without ever knowing that they could have been saved.

But Aluwen had seen what had happened, so she knew which ones among them were willing to accept her message. That night, those who had realised that it must be a sign, dreamed. In their dreams, they saw a forest, with deer and foxes and rabbits. They saw a river, with drinkable water, somewhere to the north. In this dream they heard a feminine voice that said, "Leave behind your greed and dreams of wealth, and I shall forgive you." And they woke up and told the others. Everyone ridiculed them for believing that a simple dream could save them. They knew that the river on which their village had bordered must lie somewhere to the west, and the caves must be in the mountains that lay to the west. So, the group split up, most headed west, while a few travelled north.

Those who travelled west eventually came to the river, but when they tried to drink it, they coughed most of it back up. The water was filled with sand and dust from the desert. They could still drink it, but it was painful, and it didn't abate their thirst very much. These people slowly died off, one by one, until only a few remained. They became desert nomads, and they survived in a small group for many generations. The stories that these people passed down always contained the same morals, "never trust the gods; during your time of need, they will never help you, you must always help yourself."

The small group that travelled north found the river told of in their dreams. They waded across the river, and the dust that had collected on their clothes and their bodies washed away. North of the river, they found a land of green grasses and great forests. There they founded a town, and this town they called Corren. They built a temple, dedicated to Aluwen, and followers of Aluwen from across the land came to worship, and many of them stayed to live in this peaceful place.

 

 

So, how do you like it? Any suggestions, corrections, or additions?

[Chariste]

Good story, sly moral, nice ending. Add some characters to it, give the reader some names and personalities to identify with and I think the result will be a very nice read. You don't have to get in too deep with this story since it is a tale of a time very long ago if you don't want to. Even dialogue would really be optional since this is very reminiscent of a folktale. I hope you work on it more and post the result, don't worry too much about grammar and usage until the story itself is done.

 

I haven't the faintest whether that village has a name or not. Go ahead and name it in the story, you never know, it might become official

[Hammen]

I'm glad that you like it... As for characters in the story, my plan was to have this story without any characters or dialogue. The story is more about the groups of people than the individuals... Also, the only people that could be added are a leader of the people that stayed in the desert, and a leader of the people that eventually founded Corren.

 

As for naming the city... well, my only idea is to name it after the river it is next to, which is the Range River, which is presumably named after the mountain ranges to the north... I don't know, but Range City, just doesn't sound that good to me... It sounds like a city in some sort of western, or something like that... But maybe thats just me...

 

For additions to the story, I think I need to expand the ending in some way, so that I can show some good rewards for the people changing their ways... and maybe expand on the other Aluwen worshippers arriving from all around as well.

Edited January 12, 2005 by Hammen

[Roja]

I think it's a nice background story. As for the "village" north of portland..well that consists of like 3 houses, not really a village even That's why i didn't name it.

[Chariste]

Hey, it's been a while...are you planning on adding to your story? I have it listed as in progress and I'd love to know how it's coming. Are you planning on completing it? I hope you will, reply and/or contact me via PM...

 

Thanks

Chariste

[Hammen]

I think that, except for the last paragraph, the story is good enough... How about having the last paragraph changed to this?

 

The small group that travelled north found the river told of in their dreams. They waded across the river, and the dust that had collected on their clothes and their bodies washed away, just as their greed and other vices had, when they decided to follow Aluwen. North of the river, they found a land of green grasses and great forests. There they founded a town, and this town they called Corren. Here they built a temple, dedicated to Aluwen, in thanks for her saving their lives. These people became some of the most devout followers of Aluwen, and moved by their change of heart, she decided to open a northern entrance to the caves that they had been searching for, giving the people of Corren access to the best mining cavern on the continent.

Followers of Aluwen from across the land came to worship, and many of them stayed to live in this peaceful place. However, when any people came to Corren in search of wealth, and moved only by the prospect of personal profit, they could never stay long. People like these felt uncomfortable in this place, and often ran from the town as fast as they could. Every once in a while, some of these people would forsake their greed for a peaceful life in service to Aluwen, just as the founders of the town had done, and they would choose to stay in this paradise known as Corren Town.

Edited January 25, 2005 by Hammen

[Chariste]

If the story is finished, then I will take it and go over it as soon as I can. PM me with an email address and I will send it back to you for your final revision as soon as I am done.

 

Thanks Hammen!

Chariste