Deson

Question: How many group posters does it take to change a light bulb? Roughly 1,351 (depending what phase the moon is in at any given time.) 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs 53 to flame the spell checkers 41 to correct spelling/grammar flames 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp" 15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct 156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy" 109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group 203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped 111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group 33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too" 12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy 19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three" 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ 44 to ask what is a "FAQ" 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" 143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs" 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

56% Here. I had some help as a result of playing around with some of the older tech mentioned (computer tape reels for example) and yes, I still have a slide rule with a case for it.

Un edited in any way shape or form. Skeletor? Where's my Battle Cat!

Just download the game, fire it up, and create your charachter.

I dunno, earlier I heard his death message and I believe he is having problems getting off IP. Hmmmm....... I wonder why?

How to Bath the Cat -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thoroughly clean the toilet. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids lifted. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I found to be quite effective. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where he will dry himself. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cat Bathing As A Martial Art Know that although the kitty cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, we recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.) Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. We recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule.) Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have now begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.) Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat. In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine. You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at least now he smells a lot better. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Supposidly a true story but unverified. but man, I can just see this happenning. The person who wrote this is a person after my own heart! .................................................................................................................. About 2 weeks ago, I was looking around the Web for the biggest sky rocket that I could get shipped to me via common freight carrier. I located a fireworks importer in Wisconsin who had this mondo sky rocket -- biggest thing I had ever seen -- called a SkyDragon. These things are 48 inches tall and are mounted on a 1/2-inch wooden dowel. Pure aerospace engineering. I plopped down a bunch of money and had him send me two cases of these things. They arrived at the freight dock a few days ago and I had to drive the van over to pick them up. Two boxes each 2 feet by 2 feet by 4 feet in size containing 80 rockets each. The 'Class 4 Explosives' sticker on the side of each box was a real bonus. I am gonna have to save them for the scrapbook. That night, me and the kiddos had a gen-u-ine rocket launch ceremony. I placed one of these beauties in a liter-size glass bottle and the bottle fell over. Hmmmm... this thing was waaay too big. I looked around the shop for a pipe to set it in, but realized that the only dirt I could drive the pipe into was in plain sight of my neighbor's house. I knew he was a cool guy, but I didn't want him to call the cops. You see, 'projectile-type' fireworks are totally illegal in this county. I was surprised that the Buncombe County Sheriff Department wasn't waiting for me at the loading dock when I picked these things up. Anyhow, I finally rigged a launch pad by prying up one of the driveway drain grates with a crowbar and sitting the stick into the deep pit. Looked sorta like an ICBM silo with its hardened lid slid aside. I asked which of my three kids wanted to light the fuse, but all took a few steps back and politely declined. Chickens. Kids just aren't made the same nowadays. They fulfill their danger quotient by shooting bad guys in video games. About as far from real danger as you can get, if you ask me. I told the little weenies to stand back as I bent to light the device with a Bic lighter. The lady at the fireworks importer promised me that these things would not make any noise. I told her that they had to be relatively quiet so I could shoot them off in my neighborhood without causing 'undue alarm'. She said I wouldn't have any problem. I emphasized the particular legal problems I would have if there were any type of loud report at apogee. I emphasized the fact that I lived right next to a National Park and that any type of firework that was discharged or assumed to be discharged on that property would get me sent before a federal judge right before I got sent to the county judge. She again assured me I would have no problem. That lying woman. That rocket engine had a burn time about as long as any I had ever seen, and the ascent echoed off the surrounding trees. Diamond shock patterns extended from the back end. It kept going and going and going. When it hit apogee at about 1000 feet, the rocket disintegrated into a huge shower of silent red sparks. Pretty cool, I thought ...until the shower of sparks burned out and suddenly transformed into a cloud of extremely bright and loud explosions. The kids scrambled into the back door 'Three Stooges' style (i.e.: where all three try to get through the same closed door at once) and left me standing in the smoking haze waiting for the cops to arrive. The dogs that live along our street were all barking their heads off at the apparition they had just witnessed in the night sky. That ended the fireworks test for the night. The next day, my oldest son and I decided we were gonna 'neuter' one of the rockets so it wouldn't make any noise. I took him into the garage closet where I store the gardening tools and he saw these two huge cases of fireworks standing there. The kid went nuts. He wanted to open both boxes so he could see what all 159 rockets looked like lined up next to each other. This kid has promise. I told him: "Since mom only thinks I have a few of these things lying around, maybe that wasn't such a good idea." He mulled that over for a few seconds, then gave me a real big smile in agreement. We pulled one of the rockets out of the box and re-locked the closet door. He and I both sat down on the driveway and proceeded to take it apart. It was a standard issue big-ass Chinese sky rocket. I bet they used these to kill people 500 years ago. As I sat there taking layer after layer of paper off, his brain was filling with the details of construction. Tissue, cardboard, plastic, fuses...etc. Realizing that he was mentally storing the design for some future project sorta made me shudder. All I was thinking was the fact that this thing was probably put together by a political prisoner in a hellhole somewhere who is probably gonna get 'executed' so they can sell his internal organs on the transplant market. Probably not too far from the facts, but I managed to do a bit of explaining to him from the standpoint of aerospace engineering regarding how the thing worked. Doug is probably the only 7th grader in the U.S. who can now describe the principle of thrust using a control volume model. The rocket was pretty simple. It had a very large booster engine topped with a warhead that contained the red sparkly things that exploded. Removing the warhead was as simple as giving a quick twist, and I assumed the neutered rocket would fly higher without the payload. I was correct. Doug and I did a daylight 'stealth' test and were able to add about 50% to the altitude attained the previous night. We decided to modify four more rockets and put them aside in the closet for easy access. When this was done, Doug had a jar full of stuff that came out of the warheads including: 12 fuses about 3 inches long each, some paper, 4 plastic nosecones and a big handful of these little black balls about the size of 12-gauge buckshot that turned out to be the 'red sparkly popper things'. It appeared that the outer layer was a simple gunpowder coating designed to quickly burn off as red shower of sparks. I surmised that the inner core had some kind of magnesium thermite that gave off an intense white light and a loud bang. Pretty cool if you ask me. Lots of energy packed into one teeny little ball. I didn't want to see the popper thingies go to waste, so I told Doug we were gonna put them in a hole in the ground and set them off. He gave me another big smile. It's amazing how kids think alike...even when separated by 25 years. As I was digging a shallow hole with my hand, Doug asked if it would be all right to put an army man next to these things so that "When they go off, it would look like he was getting shot with a machine gun." Dang....exactly what I was thinking. I agreed and he ran off to his room to dig something out of the mess. He returned in about 3 seconds, out of breath and holding a cheap plastic imitation of Robert E. Lee on horseback and a Civil War cannon. I pointed out that they didn't have true machine guns in the Civil War, but we would overlook this for the purpose of the demonstration. He handed me the action figure and I placed it and the cannon next to a rather large pile of black beads from which a few of the fuses extended. I figured that three inches of fuse would take 2 seconds to burn, so I had at least that amount of time to stand up and take a few steps back. I neglected to recount the night before -- when the warhead ignited immediately upon reaching apogee. Tricky Chinese. They had installed extremely fast-burning fuse in these things and that fact totally escaped me. I squatted next to Robert Lee and gave a short eulogy. Doug laughed. I took the trusty Bic lighter and placed it next to the fuse. One flick got the lighter going and this image is one I will remember for a long time. My hand holding a lighter next to a pile of explosives. There is usually a short but noticeable mental pause that occurs immediately before something bad or really stupid happens. It is where that little voice in your head says: "You dumbass." The fuse burn time was in the 1/1000ths of a second range. The pile of little popper thingies immediately ignited into a tremendously brilliant ball of fire. All I could think was "...my...my...my eyes...!" Unfortunately, when they are viewed at ground level, these little popper thingies become really big popper thingies and have a tendency to jump up to 15 feet in every direction from their point of ignition. I instantaneously became engulfed in a ball of fire that sounded a lot like being in a half-done bag of Orville Reddenbacher's popcorn. It was all over about as fast as I could can snap my finger. After the smoke cleared, Doug started laughing his head off. That meant I was still in one piece. Doug does not laugh at dismembered limbs. He said I jumped about 10 feet, an action that I do not remember. I checked my clothes for burn marks, and found none. He checked my back to make sure it was not on fire. No combustion there. The driveway was peppered with black holes where the concrete had been scarred from these things. A close one -- a real close one. My mind ran the tapes again to re-hash what it had seen. All I remembered was being inside something akin to a 30-foot-diameter flaming dandelion. Whew. We examined Ol' Robert E. at ground-zero. Instead of a machine-gun peppering, he got nuked. He and the horse he rode in on, and his cannon too. One side was untouched, but the other side was arc-welded. Real warfare. Doug examined it real quiet-like and then started laughing again. I assume he will remember the finer points of the lesson as he grows older. When I now speak of "almost being burned beyond recognition" he will have a slightly better understanding of what I mean. I hope that this vivid image tempers the knowledge he now has regarding rocket construction. Oh, well. After all, if your dad isn't gonna teach you how to get your butt blown off, who will?

You can also find Red Roses and Snapdragons in the desert pines map as well thus saving you the trip.

For further reading purposes: Darwin Awards Website

Mine dates back to when I was playing around on a Amiga BBS Board.(900 baud!). It plays with peoples minds and mathematicians minds even more.

Ok, so If I understand it correctly, they are already setup to swarm, but don't becasue of their levels at this point. But once their levels go up then that maybe another matter then. Should prove a interesting time when that happens, if it does.

Do they store data for specific individuals whom attack? or Players in general? If specific person then do you feel that the "swarm" effect could be done?

Hmmm, since these ants have been known to wander into PK maps I wonder if it's possible for them to learn and react to threats? In other words, imagine this scenario: 1) Player on PK map sees an ANT. 2) Player Kills said ant. 3) Ants recognise particular player as a threat. 4) Ants converge on Threat. 5) Suddenly player finds him/herself swarmed with ants while on the PK map. 6) after set amount of time the Ants memorys of that persons threat level goes down and things are back the way that they were before. Just a thought.

Very well done. I loved it.

This is something that I got from the Straight Dope Message Board ages ago. I wish that I knew who wrote it, but it's one of the funniest things that I've read in a long time. Original creator found by the name of Scylla Enjoy! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The horror of blimps Last week while travelling I stopped at a Zany Brainy store and saw that they had a blimp for sale. It's called Airship Earth, and it's a great big balloon with a map of the Earth on it, and two propellors hanging from the bottom. You blow up the balloon with helium put batteries in it, and you have a radio controll indoor blimp. I'd seen these things for sale in Sharper Image catalogs for $60-$75. At Zany Brainy it was on clearance for $15. What a deal! Last night my wife was playing tennis and it was just my daughter and I at home. I bought a small helium tank from a party store, and last night we put the blimp together. Let me tell you, it's quite a blimp. It's huge. The balloon has like a 3 ft diameter. We blew it up with the tank attacched the gondola with the propellors, and put in batteries. Then we balanced the blimp for neutral bouyancy with this putty that came with it, so it hangs in the air by itself neither rising nor falling. It was easy and fun, and then I blew up another balloon and made Mickey Mouse helium voices for my daughter. My three year old girl loved it. We flew the blimp all over the house, terrorized the dog, attacked the fish tank, and the controls were so easy my daughter could fly. Let's face it, blimps are fun. Alas, the fun had to end and my daughter had to go to sleep. I left the blimp floating in my office downstairs, my wife came home, and we went to bed, and slept the sleep of the righteous. At this point it is important to know that my house has central heating. I have it configured to blow hot air out on the ground floor and take it in at the second floor to take advantage of the fact that heat rises. The blimp which was up until this moment a fun toy here embarked on a career of evil. Using the artificial convection of my central heating, the blimp stealthily departed my office. It moved silently through the living and drifted to the staircase. Gliding wraithlike over the staircase it then entered the bedroom where my wife and I lay sleeping peacefully. Running silently, and gliding six feet or so above the ground on invisible and tiny air currects it approached the bed. In spite of it's noiseless passage, or perhaps because of it, I awoke. That doesn't really say it properly. Let me try again. I awoke, the way you awake at 2:00 AM when your sleeping senses suddenly tell you without reason that the forces of evil on converging on you. That still doesn't do it. Let me try one more time. I awoke the way you awake when you suddenly know that there is a large levitating sinister presence hovering towards you with menacing intent through the maligant darkness. Now sometimes I do wake up in the middle of the night thinking that there are large sinister and menacing things floating out of the darkness to do me and mine evil. Usually I open my eyes, look and listen carefully, decide it was a false alarm, and go back to sleep. So, the fact that I awoke in such a manner was not all that unusual. On this occasion I awoke to the sense that there was a large menacing presence approaching me silently out of the gloom, so I opened my eyes, and there it was! A LARGE SILENT MENACING PRESENCE WAS APPROACHING ME OUT OF THE GLOOM, AND IT COULD FLY!!! Somewhere in the control room of my mind a fat little dwarf in a security outfit was paging through a Penthouse while smoking a cigar with his feet up on the table, watching the security monitors of my brain with his peripheral vision. Suddenly he saw the LARGE SILENT SINSITER MENACING FLOATING PRESENCE coming at me, and he pulled every panic switch and hit every alarm that my body has. A full decade's allotment of adrenaline was dumped into my bloodstream all at once. My metabolism went from "restful sleep mode" to HOLY SHIT! FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE OR DIE!!!! mode" in a nanosecond. My heart went from twenty something beats per minute to about 240 even faster. I always knew this was going to happen. I always knew that skepticism and science were mere psychological decorations and vanities. Deep in our alligator brains we all know that the world is just chock full of evil and monsters and sinister forces aligned against us, and it is only a matter of time until they show up. Evolution know this, too. It knows what to do when the silent terror comes at you from out of the dark. When 50 million years worth of evolutionary survival instinct hits you all at once flat in the gut at 200 mph it is not a pleasant sensation. Without volition I screamed my battle cry (which is indistinguishable to the sound a little girl makes when you drop a spider down her dress (not that I'd know what that sounds like,) and lept out of bed in my underwear. I struck the approaching menace with all my strength and almost fell over at the total lack of resistance that a helium balloon offers when you punch the living shit out of it with all the stength that sudden middle of the night terror produces. It's trajectory took it straight into the ceiling fan which whipped it about the room at terrifying velocity. Seeking a weapon, I ripped the alarm clock out of its plug and hurled it at the now High Velocity Menacing presence (breaking the clock and putting a nice hole in the wall.) Somehow at this moment I suddenly realized that I was fighting the blimp, and not a monster. It might have been funny if I didn't truly and actually feel like I was having a legitimate heart-attack. On quivering legs I went to the bathroom and literally gagged into the toilet while shaking uncontrollably with the shock of the reaction I'd had. Unbeleivably, both my wife and daughter had completely slept through the incident. When I decided that I wasn't having a heart attack after all I went back into the bedroom and found the blimp which had somehow survived the incident. I took it to the walk in closet and released it inside where it floated around with the air currents released from the vents in there. I closed the door, this sealing it in, and went back to bed. About 500 years later I fell asleep. *** At about 7 am my wife awoke. She had been playing tennis and wasn't aware that we have assembled the blimp the previous evening, and that is was now floating around the the walk-in closet that she approached. The dyndamic between the existing air currents of the closet and the suction caused by opening the door was just enough to give the blimp the appearance of an Evil Sinister Menace flying straight towards her. This time the blimp did not survive the encounter, nor almost, did I, as I had to explain to my very angry spouse what motivated me to hide an evil lurking presence in the closet for her to find at 7 am. I can order replacement balloons on the internet but I don't think I will. Some blimps are better off dead.

Wow a PK threat and a plea for survival of people! That's a first! I feel honored! Thank you! I'll see about further things that I can dig up......... or create myself (hehe).

How many message board posters does it take to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. 11 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 9 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 3 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. 12 to flame the spell checkers. 4 to correct spelling/grammar flames. 16 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb". 4 to condemn those 16 as anal-retentive. 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp". 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs. 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's. 10 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy. 5 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ. 41 to ask what is a "FAQ". 6 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" 13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs". *** 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again. :lol:

Your Animal is: Bumble Bee You are a Bumble Bee! A beautiful insect that is good at working with teams and produces something many want: honey! A bumble bee commands great respect, and will respond to a bad situation with a quick sting! Bumble bees are serious and very wise. Respond to a bad situation with a sting? I would be probably the most mellow bee in exsistence!

Here is mine. My Desktop

$1.00 plus some change.

True, very true. Not strictly 2D work but I put a lot of effort into those and felt like showing off a little. The only 2D program I have is MS Paint and well I admit I have very little skill in using it. I am also unfortuantely Red/Green color blind and it seems that 3D works are what I'm best at. But definately not of the organic variety though.

I also can confirm the same problem as well.

Done in Bryce 5 (a 3D graphics Program), an original design of my own. First a landing craft design. A Mole type Machine. And a amphipeous Vehicle design as well. Finally a Sub design I hope that you enjoy them. Note: Post Modified to setup the additional pics.

44 here. (echos of collective gasp) !!! !!!

I've seen the commercials. I view them as a little creepy, but I've seen far worse. Personally I'd rather have the BK commercials over the computer animated stinky tennis shoes argueing over foot odor control and inserts.